Barb Caffrey's Blog

First, before I get into my dissection — it’ll be quick, painless, and maybe even fun — I want you to listen to Shinedown’s song “A Symptom of Being Human.” (Bonus: this YouTube link will show you their video along with it, as per usual.)

OK, now that you’ve done that…the reason I picked Shinedown’s song to discuss today (thus, dissection) is because it’s a perfect song to reflect with. (It is Sunday, after all.) It works both as poetry and as music, and it is deceptively low-key, almost sneaky (in a good way!) in its message that we’re all human and we’re all fallible. We all have human moments, and we shouldn’t feel bad about it when we do.

“You’ve always been slightly awkward, kind of weird. Upside-down and not all here…what’s wrong with me and you is crystal clear,” is quite a lyric. It depicts solidarity at a time of crisis, and reminds you that it’s OK to be awkward. It’s OK to have human moments. It’s even OK not to be OK. (All of these things are not new to me. Lead singer of Shinedown Brent Smith has said exactly that during several live videos of “A Symptom of Being Human.” I recommend the one in Allen, TX, but several of them are extant and they’re all excellent.)

“We’re all just passing through. Passengers on a ship of fools,” is one of the refrains. That indicates how a lot of us feel. The world goes on, sometimes it doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, and certainly we do at times like that feel like we’re on a ship of fools.

See, there’s a lot of unnecessary drama in this world. People get mad for the most ridiculous things, and sometimes it doesn’t make any sense later when you think about it. We’re all human beings, we are going to have bad days, and yet sometimes it seems like the universe is just piling it on. How much more can we take? What else can we do to possibly alleviate the pain we have on such days?

Personally, I turn to music. That’s how I found Shinedown’s song. Brent Smith has said (not sure where I saw this) that he wrote this during the Covid pandemic lockdown. The loneliness, the pain of having to be with ourselves and loved ones without much in the way of distraction, is what apparently lead to this song. (The way I summed it up is probably not the way Mr. Smith would say it. That’s my way of explaining it.)

Over the last few months, I’ve listened to a great many different groups I’d never really paid attention to before. Shinedown is one of them, partly because of this great, introspective song. Melodically it’s quite lyrical. It’s open, but there’s more to ponder there, and the melodic line goes along with it. The refrains are easy to sing along with. The message is clear: be good to yourself, and if you have human moments, remember that we all do.

One of my favorite lyrics is, “Unpack all your baggage, hide it in the attic, where you hope it disappears.” Remember what I said above about unnecessary drama? Well, this may be the antithesis of it, in a way…you’re trying to portray a good front for people to not let on that you’re hurting, and hurting badly. You hope your pain will disappear, so you can go on and pretend you’re doing better than you really are.

But if you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know what I’m going to say, right? Putting on fronts is stupid. It takes away from your personal energy. It takes away from your personal creativity. It tries to make you conform to what is expected of you — someone who won’t make waves, someone who won’t complain when things around you are too desperate to be borne.

I’m not saying you should partake in unnecessary drama, because that also wastes your energy. I do think you should use my late husband Michael’s Buddhist trick, and tell yourself, “OK, universe, I am going to feel exactly how I am for ten minutes.” Then, after you’ve felt it all — maybe it’s anger, maybe it’s frustration, maybe it’s despair, maybe it’s bewilderment, who knows? — you can say, “All right. I’ve felt this. I know it. Now, let’s go on about my day.” You put it aside, yes, but you don’t deny it.

Why don’t you deny it? Well, denial of what’s obvious is dumb. We shouldn’t do it. When we do, we’re invalidating ourselves before the universe even gets a chance to do it. Before the day goes bad, we’re already telling ourselves that we have to pretend to be OK in order not to bother everyone else, when the real reason we shouldn’t pretend (but use the Buddhist trick, above) is that we can’t be who we are if we’re putting on a front.

Shinedown’s song points out that we all have our good days and bad ones. It also says something I’m going to interpret this way: Maybe we should start celebrating our vulnerability rather than running from it. Maybe we should try to remember that we all hurt sometimes, and that it is better to acknowledge this than to waste your time and energy putting up a front that probably won’t change how anyone thinks of you anyway.

Look. I believe, strongly, that we all are individuals. I don’t like blind conformity. I definitely don’t like unnecessary drama, and I am completely frustrated with a whole lot of what I see in the world. But I try to spread kindness, when I can. I try to help others, even when I’m hurting, because that’s who I am. I do the best I can to remind people that they matter. Their pain matters, along with their joy, their happiness, whatever journey they’re on to find themselves and figure out their purpose…well, it all matters.

Shinedown’s song speaks to all of this, and it’s why I’ve done my best to share my thoughts about “A Symptom of Being Human” with you all.

For those of you struggling, this Sunday or any day, I want you to remember that you are much better than you know. You matter. Who you are, where you’ve come from, your journey…it is all vital, essential, and meaningful.

Don’t let your light go out of the world without a fight, in other words.

That’s what I think about on bad days, and it helps me. I hope it helps you, too.