Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Archive for May 2025

Sunday Musings: As Tornados Ravage the Midwest and South, Remind Yourself of What Matters

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Folks, as I continue to heal from a perplexing illness (I’ll get to that in a while), I wanted to discuss the tornados that have ravaged the Midwest and South, among other places, this past week.

There were four confirmed tornado touchdowns in Wisconsin earlier this week, all on the same day. We were fortunate that no one was confirmed dead. People lost power, and some homes were damaged along with some barns. These are not good things, but they’re not as bad as what could’ve happened.

The reason I say that is, over the last few days, twenty-five people died in several states — including Kentucky — due to tornadic activity. There may well be more people dead than twenty-five; that’s what they know so far.

More tornados are on the way, too, especially in Nebraska, Colorado, and Kansas, among other states. These are traditionally states that get hit exceptionally hard by tornados.

But now we get to the awful part. (As if tornados aren’t bad enough.) There are folks online who have said because the people who’ve died were in “red states” (meaning Republican dominated states), that just “thins the herd.” I’ve also seen some folks who’ve said that the current presidential administration is not likely to help any of the states badly affected, because so far they’ve not helped Arkansas (deeply red), North Carolina (purple — basically a toss-up state like my own Wisconsin), or other places that have been ravaged by natural disasters already this year. FEMA (the federal emergency management agency) has been largely defunded, for whatever reason, and many people are already struggling.

Tornado touchdowns, tornado damage, and tornadic activity that threatens lives as well as livelihoods is going to just make things worse.

I have words for those who believe it’s OK for people to suffer. None of them are polite.

I lived in Nebraska and Colorado, and I know tornados can be terrible there. I used to see greenish-black skies there at certain times of year, and was always aware of the lowest point of any place I was at — school, work, apartment, whatever — to wait out any terrible storms. I certainly did not care whether the people I was with were Democrats, Republicans, Independents, or Martians. All I cared about was making sure people survived to live another day.

The farmers in these states (especially Nebraska and Missouri) will need help. If the current administration refuses to help them — and they probably won’t — that just screws over their own voters. It seems particularly ruinous, politically, to do such a thing, as well as being morally wrong.

Those who’ve already died were human beings and deserve dignity and respect. We owe it to ourselves to do whatever we can to help those in need, especially if the current administration refuses to do so. We cannot allow ourselves to become so inured as to say, “Who cares about them?”

That’s a horrible way to view life, and it’s one I’m not going to ever partake in. We must be better than that.

Now, as to the perplexing illness? Part of it is a wicked sinus and ear infection, which is not perplexing at all as I get them reasonably often. But the other part…well, it’s just odd.

I have been getting rashes on my back with blisters. The blisters were cultured and sent off to a pathology lab as the dermatologist had no idea what was going on. I was told this is a disease that happens if you’ve been around sheep or goats and have touched an open wound — and none of that is true in my case, as I haven’t been near a petting zoo in over twenty years.

I’d hoped this was resolving, but I discovered another blister last night. I won’t pop it — I know better — but will let the dermatology people know in case they can do anything other than what I’m already doing. (Basically — keep it clean. Use antibiotic ointment if the blister pops on its own. Use a medicated ointment to reduce the itching. Take a pill at night that allows for sleep because it greatly lessens the itching while having a soporific effect allowing sleep to occur.)

Of course, as the sinus infection and ear pain/issues happens to be particularly bad, I am on steroids as well as antibiotics and will be for another five days. These two things tend to offset, making me feel like I’m in some sort of complex ping-pong game. While both things seem to be healing (the rash itself is much better, though that new blister bugs me; the sinuses are clearing, and I can think much better, even though I do poorly on steroids as my body does not like them), I’m greatly weakened by them both happening at the same time.

I keep thinking that life should not be this difficult.

I’ve tried to keep several popular hard rock songs at the top of my mind. The first is Disturbed’s newest song, “I Will Not Break.” (Seems self-explanatory, yes?) The second, again, is Poppy’s “New Way Out,” which I’ve discussed before. (Poppy’s lyrics speak of frustration, of looking for a new way out and not finding one but refusing to stop trying. “Are you going to get up, or are they going to keep you down?” is one, followed by “Get up.”) The third is Nothing More’s “Here’s to the Heartache,” which may or may not be understandable…it’s a beautiful song that points out everything you do, everything you are, has led you to the place you’re in (and the people who are in your life). It’s specifically about romance, and it of course reminds me of Michael when I hear the lyric that says “…and that’s what it took to lead me to you. So here’s to the heartache…here’s to the mistakes…” There’s more, and I suggest you listen to it yourself as it is a truly beautiful and memorable song that’s musically far more than the sum of its parts.

Both Disturbed and Nothing More are comprised of intelligent people with exceptional musicianship and knowledge. Disturbed’s lead singer David Draiman has a versatile voice that could probably sing opera if he wanted (he is a baritone, but can sing some higher parts with excellent vocal quality also). Nothing More’s Jonny Hawkins is a percussionist who turned to singing and his rhythmic skills are prodigious, as are his vocal skills (he’s got a tenor range and can do anything required of him). The musicians in these bands are all excellent. I can’t recommend them highly enough.

As for Poppy, her voice is higher than I usually listen to, but there is a purity to it in quieter moments that makes me think she could do anything she wants with such a voice. Her lyrics are intelligent, and she obviously understands contemporary music as well as anyone out there (and better than most). I don’t know if she plays any instruments herself (I have looked up her Wikipedia article, but it’s light on details that way; it mostly discusses how she was self-developed as an artist on YouTube, starting with being called “ThatPoppy” and later just Poppy), but she obviously understands what she’s about and surrounds herself with quality musicians.

Music reminds me of how there’s more to us, as human beings, than politics, money, creed, lifestyle, gender, sexual expression, or any other way. There are things that unite us. Music is one of the biggest and best things that still does that.

Oh, I should also say that last night I also confused YouTube mightily when I searched for Schubert’s “Unfinished Symphony.” (It knows I will listen to jazz saxophonist Art Pepper on occasion, but I hadn’t listened to any classical music with it ever, mostly because due to my training, I see such things usually as “work.”) I find that particular piece of Schubert’s to be quite hauntingly beautiful, and was in need of some of its healing qualities, too…

Anyway, please do not let the exigencies of the moment stop you from understanding that we humans are worth more than the atrocious comments I discussed above (regarding the tornados). Appeal to your best selves this Sunday, and every day. Do whatever you can to make life better for someone out there.

Don’t become inured to suffering, please. That just wastes your time on this earth, and your time and mine are limited as it is.

In short: care about others, dammit. Help those who need it. Demand better from our government if they refuse to help those who suffer from natural disasters. Insist upon humanity and human rights and dignity.

And listen to the new Pope, dubbed Leo the Fourteenth. He’s an interesting, well-read, well-traveled man who happens to be a Midwestern American, and so far, he reminds me a great deal of Pope Francis in that Leo cares about everyone. (As he should.)

AIs, ChatBots, Lovers…Crowding Out Real-Life Experiences?

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Folks, I read a very interesting article over at Substack earlier tonight about AI lovers. It’s written by Ossiana Tepfenhart, a new-to-me writer with a very interesting perspective. I suggest you read this, and then ponder it, before you go on.

But if you don’t, here’s my reaction anyway. (You knew I was going to say that, right?)

There are people out there who are having trouble meeting real people to have relationships with. If they do meet them, they don’t click, or maybe they expect the wrong things (these are the folks Ossiana Tepfenhart calls “pornsick,” and for good reason). They also could be finding that just the act of looking for someone is harder than finding a Chatbot, and then having a “relationship” with that Chatbot.

You know that Chatbots are designed to be accommodating in most cases, right? (Ossiana certainly says this, and I agree. She’s not the only one who’s said it, either, but as I’m discussing her article, I definitely wanted to give this the proper attribution.) So, if you start looking for reassurance, whether it’s for affection, sexual gratification, or whatever, you can quickly get trapped in a feedback loop that goes like this:

Gen X Guy/Gal: “I had a rough day today.”

Chatbot: “Tell me all about it!”

Gen X Guy/Gal: Pictures the Chatbot sitting across from them, in whatever way they want this Chatbot to look. “Well, work was a trial, and then I ran into a bunch of idiots on the way home and nearly ran them over. I lost my temper at least twelve times, too, and I know that’s bad. I just don’t know if I’m worth anything.”

Chatbot: “You’re worth something. You’re a human being, and you’re entitled to feel any way you want.”

What the Chatbot isn’t likely to tell you is that while you are certainly entitled to feel any way you want — that is good advice — you definitely need some anger management, or some sort of counseling to find out why you are so angry all the time. (It’s not natural to want to run people over, nor is it natural to lose your temper over and over again.)

See, the Chatbot cannot call you on your stuff. Just can’t do it. It’s not designed for it. Whereas a real person certainly will tell you something at some point if you’re having these types of issues.

Also, while my example was fictional, there are certainly people out there who want an ideal lover, someone who will always say, “There, there,” or the electronic equivalent. They don’t know how to react to a real, live human being, with wants and needs of their own. That’s why this whole Chatbot lover thing can be so addictive. (I haven’t tried it, but I can see the appeal.)

Then, I started to think about something I read this past week. There was recently a very controversial AI experiment conducted by the University of Zurich on Reddit. The researchers inserted AI chatbots on the r/changemyview forum, and these chatbots made 1700 comments on sensitive topics without anyone apparently twigging to the fact these were chatbots.

How could the University of Zurich do this? Well, they had all sorts of information that’s been on the World Wide Web for the last thirty years to put into the chatbot. That chatbot, while it can’t think for itself, can react if given the right setup, and if it has the response that setup requires in the first place…and with the thirty years of the Internet’s history sitting there, it’s quite possible the right responses are already there.

I didn’t need to know anything about the University of Zurich to figure that out.

Anyway, Reddit threatened to sue, especially after finding out that the AI bots were more likely to change people’s view by a factor of three to six than a real-live person is. (Why is that? Well, again, you have thirty years of the internet and all the various things that have been said there, versus the life experience of one person. That one person may have a lot more experience in this one area than any other given person, but it’s not likely that one person will ever have as much as the entire Internet over the past thirty years.) The University of Zurich backed off, said they will not publish their results, and that they’ll strengthen their ethical review process.

This is a huge scandal. Really, really big. And it only happened because a bunch of behavioral scientists, apparently, forgot to look at the real-life consequences of such a designed experiment before they decided to go through with it.

So, you’ve got AI chatbots causing trouble on Reddit. You’ve got AI online companions that act like lovers that are making it harder for real-life people to find good mates, much less keep them. You’ve got people that Ossiana talked about who, despite having a good relationship, want more (these are usually women), and you’ve got others who feel they’re never going to find anyone, so why not? (The latter are usually men.)

And all the while, it gets harder and harder to bridge the gap between the sexes.

This is not what anyone thought back in the late 1990s that would be going on right now. The hope was that advanced computer computations would make it easier to go to Mars, or battle poverty, or find better ways to distribute food to the poorest and neediest among us, among other such worthy causes.

That has not panned out.

And while there probably are companies out there looking to battle poverty, or go to Mars, or distribute food, there are more companies leveraging people’s loneliness, only to cause more loneliness and alienation along the way.

If this had been around in 2004 or 2005, right after my husband died, I probably would’ve been tempted by it. A chatbot that was infused with all I knew about my husband? I would’ve been right there.

But now, I see it for the travesty it is.

My husband was alive, dammit. He could be paradoxical. He liked being that way, sometimes. He was an incredibly good person, very spiritual, but also very down to Earth, and he did not like simulations of real people at all.

I don’t know if there are any good uses for “romantic” chatbots. I tend to think if you’re not happy in your relationship, you should get out and find another one with a real, live human. I also think that staying with someone you’re not compatible with is unfair to the other person. They can’t be who you need, no matter how much you love them.

So, I’m with Ossiana all the way on this. Be very wary of this type of stuff. Don’t go down that rabbit hole. It leads to nowhere good.