Archive for the ‘heartbreaking stories’ Category
When Life is More Important than Writing
The past few days, I’ve not blogged, I’ve rarely spoken (except to good friends), and I’ve been unusually uncommunicative.
Why?
Well, my cousin Jacki passed away suddenly. She was only a few years older than me, and I hadn’t seen her in over ten years . . . but I always felt close to her.
Maybe it’s strange that I’m saying that, as I hadn’t seen her in years, hadn’t even talked to her by telephone since before my husband Michael died, and mostly had kept track of her doings online.
But I’d hoped to see her this summer. . . I hadn’t yet figured out how, as money is always a problem, but I still planned to go see her and my other cousins. Didn’t tell her, or my cousins, because I didn’t want to get their hopes up —
But now, I won’t have the chance.
Jacki is dead. And now, it’s left to me and anyone else who cared about her to comfort those still alive — most particularly her sisters and brothers.
Mind you, it’s hard to know what to say at a time like this, even though I’ve been through something similar. Grief is different for everyone, you see, and it’s a journey that I’ve intensely disliked . . . I’d not wish this on my worst enemy. Much less my cousins, who are normally full of life and all its joyous exuberance.
Even so, I will do and say what I can, at least at a practical level. That’s all I can do.
But anything I say to them seems pointless right now. I know it will not bring Jacki back.
This is a time when life has trumped writing. All of my words seem without resonance, without purpose . . . without life.
I know that’s an illusion, mind. Words are all we have, and perhaps by speaking of my cousin at her funeral, and by continuing to remember her, we’ll summon up some of the good memories — of which there were many.
Even so, my heart remains troubled.
I’ve had a bellyful of mortality. I’ve lost my amazing husband Michael, my best friend Jeff, several other friends, my Aunt Micki — my grieving cousins’ mother — last year, and now, I’ve lost Cousin Jacki as well.
This just does not seem fair or just, at all, no matter what the rewards of Heaven are said to be by various religions.
Written by Barb Caffrey
May 7, 2014 at 5:16 am
Posted in heartbreaking stories, Remembrance
Tagged with loss, meditations on grief, remembrance, sorrow, sudden death
An Easter Week Disaster: South Korean Ferry Sinks; 49 Dead, 253 Missing
Earlier this week, a ferry in South Korea capsized, then sunk. 49 people have been confirmed dead thus far, and 253 are still missing according to this report from CNN.
While there had initially been hopes that some of the missing might be rescued due to air pockets and the like, hopes are now fading. Worse yet, the South Korean government has not been forthcoming — shades of what’s happened in Malaysia due to the air disaster with MH 370 — and family members are extremely frustrated, to put it mildly.
This report from the Huffington Post shows the frustration of the families in full measure:
But the seeds of distrust were planted Wednesday, the day the ferry sank with 476 people aboard, 323 of them from a single high school in Ansan. . .
The high school initially sent parents text messages saying all of the students had been rescued.
Lee Byung-soo, whose son was aboard the ferry, was relieved by the text. . .
It was only when he arrived at the gymnasium that he realized his son, 15-year-old Lee Seok-joon, had not been saved. “I had to check every picture of the face of the rescued students before I realized that my son was not there,” he said.
People also were quoted in the Huffington Post article as yelling at the divers, who haven’t been able to do as much as they’d like due to poor visibility and other concerns, “Would you have done the same if your own children were in the water?” and “Why did you refuse to take the rescue gear and supplies that foreign countries offered?”
And then, there are these heartbreaking text messages that the high school students sent as the disaster was ongoing, as reported by CBC. Here’s a brief taste of that:
In another set of messages, a father tries to help his child.
“I know the rescue is going on, but try coming out if possible,” he writes.
“No, dad, can’t walk. The hallway is packed with kids, and it’s too tilted,” the student writes.
The passenger’s fate is unknown.
Note that if the ship’s crew had been on the ball, the halls wouldn’t have been filled with people. So perhaps more people could’ve been rescued — or, at minimum, the rescue would’ve been handled efficiently and well, rather than so poorly that people actually felt the need to send their families “goodbye texts.”
But the ship’s crew was not on the ball. Worse, their actions made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
So what have the South Koreans done thus far that does make sense? Well, they’ve arrested the ferry boat’s captain, Lee Joon Seok, and third mate, a woman identified only as Park (along with one other ship member, a technician of some sort); the third mate was the one who actually was at the helm when the ship made what’s being called an “excessive” turn, while the captain is being charged with a number of violations according to the CNN report, most having to do with leaving his boat before all the passengers were either rescued or accounted for.
The oddest thing in all of this was that the Captain was among the very first people to be evacuated from the ferry by nearly every published report. When clearly, his duty was to get those passengers safely off the ferry — and he absolutely, positively, should not have left the ferry until every single last one of them was off, or every single last one of them was confirmed as deceased.
That’s what’s supposed to happen.
But it didn’t happen here. The families of the victims are furious — and rightfully so.
How in the world could something this awful happen?
So far, there are no good answers to that. But there is one very small ray of sunlight in that Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Hyun-Jin Ryu has donated $100,000 to help those affected by the ferry disaster according to TMZ.
You see, Ryu is Korean. He has said publicly that he has a “heavy heart,” and he wanted to do something tangible that would help his fellow countrymen.
And he did so right away.
But that’s the only good thing that’s come out of this particular ferry disaster thus far . . . and while there’s always hope that a few more people may be rescued alive due to perhaps finding air pockets (as this has been known to happen in other sea rescues, why not hope for it here as well?), right now this seems to be adding up to yet another disaster.
During Easter week.
And that’s just wrong . . . especially as this didn’t have to happen.
Written by Barb Caffrey
April 19, 2014 at 10:49 pm
Pre-Olympics, Many Stray Dogs Killed In Sochi
On Keith Olbermann’s ESPN nightly sportscast Tuesday evening, Olbermann discussed Russia’s current national disgrace: They’re killing stray dogs in Sochi.
Many of them. For no reason, excepting the dogs exist and it’s legal to do whatever you like to dogs in Russia.
That was bad enough news to give me nightmares. And I wondered at the time, “Where are all the Russian animal activists? Don’t they care?”
Fortunately, there are a few who do.
As Olbermann pointed out on his sportscast Wednesday evening, this article from the Boston Globe discusses the efforts of Russian animal activist Vlada Provotorova, who’s so far managed to save about one hundred dogs from the slaughter. These are friendly animals (Olbermann had a video clip, a brief one), and act like they were once members of someone’s family.
Note that Ms. Provotorova is not the only activist who’s tried to make a difference; there are a number of them. (Bless them all.)
You might be forgiven for wondering why it’s legal to kill dogs in Russia. As this article from CNN points out, in Russia, there’s no legislation — none whatsoever — that dictates anything about how to treat a pet.
This is why a pest control service has been contracted by Sochi itself to “take care” of all this by killing the dogs, leaving the city itself to say its hands are clean, because what they’re doing is legal.
What’s frustrating about all this, aside from the fact it’s happening at all, is that a year ago, the Humane Society International wanted to go in there and help sterilize the pet population . . . but Olympic officials turned them down flat according to this article from Time.
From the article:
Kelly O’Meara, director of companion animals and engagement for Humane Society International, was “very surprised” when she heard that Sochi officials planned to kill stray dogs roaming around the Olympic host region throughout the Games. Just last April, organizers scrapped that idea, and said they would build a shelter for the animals. Now, city officials have hired a private company to do the dirty work — its owner told ABC News that the dogs posed a public-safety and health risk and that they were “biological trash.”
“They’ve very publicly gone back on their word,” O’Meara says.
The more I hear about this story, folks, the more I just want to cry.
You see, dogs, as a group, are much more friendly and loyal than the people they’re often entrusted to — and they don’t deserve to be treated as if they’re “biological trash.”
Worst of all, the friendliest animals — the ones that could easily be taken to a shelter, neutered or spayed, and adopted out — are the “easiest to catch” according to O’Meara. So they’re the ones that are most likely getting killed the quickest.
This all could’ve easily been avoided. It should’ve been avoided.
Even now, if the IOC would just get their heads out of their rear ends and admit it’s actually happening, this shameful act could be halted in its tracks. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of dogs’ lives could be saved.
But it seems as if the IOC would rather die than admit to any sort of error whatsoever. Which is why the only story, according to them, is that the dogs are being treated “humanely,” and that all this talk of dogs getting killed is just that — talk.
While I’d like to believe the IOC, if only because they talk a good game, I cannot ignore report after report, both on Olbermann’s show and in at least seventeen different newspaper accounts (written by different people, no less), that talk about the same thing.
Look. I’m a dog lover. So if I were in Russia right now, I’d be one of the many people trying to get the dogs out of there — or at minimum, I’d be one of the reporters discussing the problem and letting the world know it exists.
I hope that in this case that sunlight really is the best disinfectant, so a few more innocent dogs will be saved.
But as I cannot hope for that — most particularly because dogs, at least in that one guy’s eyes, are merely “biological trash” — all I can do is pray that somehow, some way, the word will keep getting out about what’s happening to these poor dogs.
Because it is unconscionable.
Written by Barb Caffrey
February 6, 2014 at 1:21 am
Homeless Youth in Racine Finds Tough Sledding
This past week, I’ve been trying to help a homeless youth in Racine who I’m going to call “Allan.” Allan is eighteen, African-American, polite to a fault, well-spoken, well-intentioned . . . and completely without any place to lay his head. The reason I’ve become involved is that I have known Allan, on and off, for the past two months; he used to stay next door with a friend. However, his friend was put in jail on an armed robbery charge (fortunately, Allan was not involved), and Allan was consequently evicted.
At this point, I learned that Allan’s situation was desperate. He actually had been staying in this friend’s garage (some friend, hey?). Before that, he’d lived with his grandfather, until his grandfather became homeless. Before that, Allan was in jail on a minor weapon’s charge (carrying an unlicensed weapon).
As for family, Allan has adoptive parents who live up in Milwaukee County. But they basically turned him out when he turned eighteen, saying they’d “done enough,” and are not willing to help him now under any circumstances. He has his grandfather. He has a few friends, most of whom seem to be of little account.
In any event, none of these people are either willing or able to help Allan. So he’s still stuck.
What disturbs me is this: Allan has been homeless now for a week. He hasn’t slept well, or much, in a week, because he mostly has to move from place to place. And he’s not eaten well, or much, aside from whatever my Mom and I have been able to do to feed him.
Mind you, we’ve been doing this while trying to get someone, anyone to help. We don’t have many resources. Many times, we don’t have enough for the two of us. But we could not let this young man, who’s skinny as a rail, go without food.
We just could not do it.
I can hear most of you now. “Where are the advocates for this young man, Barb? Where are the shelters?”
Well, this young man doesn’t have any advocates. And the two shelters in town have thus far refused to take him. Love and Charity Mission over on Douglas Avenue said that Allan is too young, because the minimum age for their services is twenty-one. And HALO, which is the only other shelter in this area, at first refused to take him because Allan had no proof that he’s homeless. And even though a policeman spoke with Allan on Saturday afternoon and actually took Allan over to HALO and said, “This kid really is homeless” (this according to Allan’s account), Allan is still in limbo.
Part of the reason Allan is in this trouble is due to state and federal cutbacks for shelter funding. He was in a local shelter meant specifically for homeless teens, Safe Haven, once upon a time, and he’d probably be there right now except for one thing: They closed a few months ago, citing a lack of federal funding due to the sequester cuts.
This is a bureaucratic nightmare of major proportions. And all the while, Allan continues to have no place to live.
This is just wrong.
I interviewed Allan at great length earlier this evening in preparation to write this blog. I found out that Allan has no resources other than some food stamps (which he’s out of at present) and a small check that he’s to receive until he graduates from high school due to his adoptive father being a military veteran.**
Obviously, this is not nearly enough for Allan to get an apartment, or maybe even to rent a room.
High school graduation for Allan is a few more months away, as Allan needs to complete two more credits in summer school. (I’m not going to name which school Allan’s been attending to preserve whatever vestiges of his privacy that I can.) Allan told me he’s looking forward to graduation, as he has hopes to work with computers and make a good life for himself.
Yet how is Allan supposed to learn when he doesn’t have the basics every person in this country should have — food, clothing, and shelter? How is he supposed to put all of his earthly cares aside under these appalling circumstances?
What I’ve observed this past week in trying to help Allan is that very few people, in government or out of it, seem to care. I find that so disgusting that I don’t even have the words to express it.
We in Wisconsin pride ourselves on our compassion. Well, where is the compassion for this young man?
I’m sorry. When one person like Allan falls through the cracks, that means our whole system is a failure.
I do know this: every religion worth its salt in the history of the world has said to help the poor. Protect the weak. Heal the sick. And help the homeless.
In other words, Jesus Christ did not believe that young men like Allan should be left to fend for themselves. Gautama Buddha believed that compassion and mercy should be shown in all cases. Confucius believed that those who had should help those who didn’t as a form of noblesse oblige, while more contemporary prophets such as Baha’ullah and even Joseph Smith believed that if you were to be one with God, you needed to act like God would want you to act — which means that you should give to those less fortunate, and try to help them get up on their feet.
None of these religions ever said that it’s OK to abandon a homeless young man who’s two credits short of high school graduation to whatever fate he can find on the streets.
I wonder what our Governor, Scott Walker, would think if one of his teenage sons was simply turned out one day and told to fend for himself without money or hope. I wonder if the Governor ever once thought what it means when the state slashes funding — that someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s family member, is left on the streets because homeless shelters are filled to capacity. And no one wants to be the one to take this young man in when there’s no guarantee they’ll get any funding to help him out.
I do know what I think, however. And I do know how I will act, as I will continue to help Allan in whatever way I can.
I really hope that HALO will open its doors to Allan without further delay. (They should, no matter how full they are.) He is a young man who works hard, is respectful, and truly seems to want to better himself. He’s the type of youth that anyone should want to help, as his potential is limitless despite the current exigencies of his situation.
Why no one else seems to care about that is beyond me.
———–
A note about the title: I used “tough sledding” to imply an ice-strewn path. That’s what it seems like “Allan” is on right now — any step he takes could put him through the ice and into an even worse situation than the one he’s already in.
Besides, Wisconsin is known for our winter weather. So “tough sledding” seemed a natural fit, under the circumstances. (Yes?)
** A correction to the record: Allan’s adoptive father is the disabled veteran. Allan said he does not know who his natural (birth) father was, nor his natural mother, either, when I talked with him earlier today. All apologies for my earlier misunderstanding.
Written by Barb Caffrey
July 7, 2013 at 1:05 am
Quick Hits, August 2012 edition
Folks, I don’t have much time today, so let’s get to the top stories that I’m keeping an eye on:
First, the shooting at the Sikh temple in Oak Creek, WI, obviously concerns me. (Here’s a link to a comprehensive story by the Christian Science Monitor by way of Yahoo News, in case you haven’t heard about this — even if you have, this is possibly the best story I’ve seen thus far.) The guy who shot and killed six people while wounding three others, Wade Michael Page, was a white supremacist; that he, too, was eventually shot and killed by the police doesn’t seem like nearly enough of a punishment.
See, the Sikhs are a nonviolent, monotheistic religion. But people like Page don’t seem to understand more than two things — most Sikhs aren’t white. And most Sikhs wear turbans, something few white people do as a matter of course. Those two things outweigh the fact that the Sikhs aren’t looking to cause trouble for anyone, at least in the mind of a white supremacist . . . and it’s sad beyond belief that the latter two things outweighed everything else in Page’s mind.
Otherwise, the Milwaukee Brewers have waived shortstop Cesar Izturis — Izturis has already been claimed by the Washington Nationals, so it doesn’t seem like Izturis is really going to lose out on the deal — and have called up Jean Segura from AA Huntsville. Segura was hitting over .400 there in eight games, and had stolen four bases; apparently that’s all the Brewers wanted to see before calling Segura up.
It’s clear that the Brewers are in heavy rebuilding mode, which has to be incredibly frustrating for other, long-term Brewers like Corey Hart and Yovani Gallardo. But maybe admitting that they’re rebuilding will loosen up the 2012 edition of the Brewers; goodness knows, nothing else has worked.
Aside from that, I’m going over AN ELFY ABROAD (the direct sequel to ELFY) and trying to stay cool as the heat really hasn’t lifted in over two solid months. (Along with the detritus of daily life, which really isn’t any fun to have to deal with, so why write about it?)
That’s about it . . . perhaps tomorrow will bring a full blog subject or two. (Here’s hoping.)
Written by Barb Caffrey
August 6, 2012 at 8:36 pm
Posted in baseball, heartbreaking stories, Milwaukee Brewers baseball club
Tagged with Oak Creek Sikh Temple Shooting
Eight Olympic Badminton Players Disqualified Due to Apparent Match-Throwing
Folks, you cannot make this stuff up.
Here it is, the 2012 London Olympics, and a bunch of players in one sport, badminton, have been disqualified after apparently throwing matches.
Here’s a link to Martin Rogers’s story at Yahoo:
Now, here’s a relevant quote:
Olympic badminton authorities booted the eight players who attempted to throw matches out of the Games on Wednesday, but the real culprits are the officials who organized the tournament.
Two South Korean pairs, a Chinese and an Indonesian team will be stripped of their place in the quarterfinals unless an appeal against the punishment is granted. All four teams were determined to have tried to lose their final matches in the women’s doubles group stage in order to secure a more favorable draw in the knockout round.
Rogers explains the real problem here — the fact that badminton has gone to a “first-phase group” system. All four badminton doubles teams that have now been disqualified had already made it into the next round, which was single-elimination; the reason they apparently threw these matches is because they didn’t want to meet up with other good teams in the single-elimination round. And he points out that all of this could’ve been easily avoided if the badminton team organizers would’ve just not come up with this silly group format in the first place; yes, some deserving teams would’ve lost, and lost early, but this nonsense would’ve been avoided.
Now, the Associated Press’s story, filed a bit earlier (approximately forty-five minutes ago), has a bit more information regarding what the Badminton World Federation has to say about it all after disqualifying these eight:
The Badminton World Federation investigated two teams from South Korea and one each from China and Indonesia. It accused them of “not using one’s best efforts to win a match” and “conducting oneself in a manner that is clearly abusive or detrimental to the sport” in matches Tuesday night.
Of course, the Indonesian team has vowed to appeal, saying that the Chinese teams have been known to “lose on purpose” in the past. Which just goes to show you how ugly Olympic sports can be — even more “minor” sports, ones that in the United States we probably don’t think much about except during the Olympics.
As for my take? I think this is a complete embarrassment, both to the Olympics and to the sport of badminton as a whole. When spectators actually boo matches — as they repeatedly did in London last evening — and nothing gets done immediately, that’s wrong. When Olympics organizers are forced to defend not giving refunds in the face of this sort of abusive behavior — all because these four teams wanted to set up better matches for themselves in the single-elimination, match-play round — that’s disgusting.
And considering that one of these matches had, as its longest rally, a four-volley exchange before one of the players deliberately hit the shuttlecock wide — when I’m sure that anyone who’s ever played badminton in the backyard, like me, could do better than this — it’s obvious why spectators felt forced to boo. (I would’ve booed, too, in their place.)
Anyway, all four doubles teams are appealing, but my guess is that their appeals will be denied.
As well they should be.
Written by Barb Caffrey
August 1, 2012 at 8:52 am
Posted in heartbreaking stories, Sports figures
Tagged with 2012 London Olympics, Olympic Badminton
The Aurora (CO) Massacre: Why Did This Happen?
Another horrific incident has happened, folks — James Holmes, 24, of Colorado, shot at least 71 people at an Aurora, CO, movie theater during a midnight showing of the latest “Batman” movie. So far, 12 have been killed, with more people in critical condition who could pass on at any time in what’s being called the worst mass shooting in American history.
And Holmes did this . . . why?
The best guess as to why Holmes did this seems to be that Holmes is a psychopath, and/or is mentally ill to such a degree that he does not understand the world or the people around him in the same way most of the rest of us do. Holmes may have thought he was the Joker (one of the best-known “Batman” characters); Holmes may have thought that what he was doing was sanctioned and allowed, considering the current “Batman” movie features explosions in public places.
Here’s a link to Yahoo’s report:
What has come out about Holmes thus far is troubling. Holmes was a Ph.D. student who’d moved to Colorado in order to pursue his degree at the University of Colorado Medical Center. He was brilliant, planning his attack to a surprising degree (to the point that he had not one, not two, but four separate guns, with at least two being assault rifles — this last according to AM 620 WTMJ Radio in Milwaukee. Their on-the-hour news report gave these additional details). And Holmes booby-trapped his apartment to the point that had the police not known about it (because Holmes himself told them), the apartment building would’ve blown sky high.
So those are the facts as we know them right now; what I’m after, though, is a bit more elusive. To wit: why would someone this bright do something this terrible?
Honestly, I have no answers, though I do have many questions.
First, why was this man not in a mental hospital? (Especially considering that his mother’s first reaction after being contacted by the media was, “You have the right guy,” not the usual “I can’t believe this is happening!” denial?)
Second, how did this man successfully buy four separate guns of various descriptions in only a few months? Especially as it appears he bought them all within the city of Aurora or its environs (meaning Boulder or even Denver, but not all that far away as the crow flies)? Additionally, how did this guy amass all the military-grade body armor he was wearing at the time of his arrest without anyone taking note of it, either?
Third, the story of victim Jessica Ghawi, also 24, is instructive . . . Ghawi had narrowly avoided a different public shooting in Toronto a month ago, but was unable to avoid being shot and killed by by Holmes. She was an aspiring sports journalist who loved hockey, had a hockey-player boyfriend who spent much time in the minors, just looking for his big break — his name is Jay Maloff — and was well-known to many hockey reporters and sports reporters of all sorts due to her Twitter presence. (She wrote under the name of Jessica Redfield.)
This was a young woman with everything ahead of her. She had a great boyfriend. She had done many internships at radio stations, newspapers, and was about to be hired at Mile High Sports, which seems to have been enthusiastic about Ghawi’s writing and knowledge of hockey. She had drive, charm, what friends and colleagues are calling an outsized personality, and was the type of person who was going places and doing things.
So why, oh why, is Jessica Ghawi dead today? Because of a crazy man, that’s why. And that’s not good enough; it shouldn’t be.
All we can do is this. Remember the people who died in this senseless act. Remember their lives. Remember what they did while they were here, and honor them. That’s the only way to gain any meaning whatsoever from this atrocious act.
But before you say it, I am well aware that it’s not nearly enough. (It’s just all we have.)
Aside from that, do your best to remember your sense of betrayal and outrage when you heard about this latest tragedy. Remember how awful it is that twelve people, including the young and talented Ghawi, are already dead, with more to assuredly follow. Remember that it didn’t have to be this way. Then push for more mental health funding and treatment, because the possibility of prevention is far better than the “pound of cure” we’re now forced to endure.
No matter what you do, though, don’t you dare become inured to horrific violence. Don’t start seeing things like this terrible Aurora shooting as typical behavior, either.
Because if you do become inured, or start seeing things like this as typical, psychopathic gunmen like Holmes win. And the rest of us lose even more than we already have.
Written by Barb Caffrey
July 20, 2012 at 6:23 pm
Long-time Member of Brewers Grounds Crew Dies During Sunday’s Game
Folks, this is a terribly sad story . . . one I wish I didn’t have to pass on.
During the start of yesterday’s game against the Arizona Diamondbacks, Miller Park’s grounds crew lead, Jeff Adcock, died in the Milwaukee Brewers’ bullpen of an apparent heart attack. Attempts to resuscitate him were unsuccessful; he was transported to Froedtert Hospital in West Allis, where he was pronounced dead. Adcock was only fifty-one years old, and had worked for the Milwaukee Brewers organization since the age of eighteen.
This link from the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel will give you more about this sad story, but here’s perhaps the most important quote:
“We are all saddened by the news of Jeff’s passing,” said Bob Quinn, Brewers executive vice president. “He was a part of our organization for many years, and was a fixture during games in our bullpen area. Jeff developed many friendships with our uniformed staff, and he will be missed by all of us. Our thoughts and prayers are with his family.”
Well said, Mr. Quinn.
As you might expect, the Brewers organization and the Brewers players (the bullpen personnel in particular) are taking the loss of Mr. Adcock particularly hard. Here’s a link to that story, and a relevant quote from pitcher John Axford:
“He was in the bullpen all the time,” said closer John Axford. “Everyone had a good time down there with him. We had special handshakes with him. We liked to see his attempt at basketball moves. He was always there to open the door for you when you come in the game.
“He always wore these gigantic Chuck Taylors (basketball shoes). This year, he wasn’t wearing them, though. So Kam (Loe) bought him so new shoes and he wore them.”
Now, why did this happen? Perhaps we’ll never know, but pitcher Tim Dillard has a good observation:
“None of us knew what really happened,” said Dillard. “The paramedics got there quick. We were just talking to him and he collapsed. You wonder if there was something you could have done but that’s just human nature. There was nothing we could do. It’s very sad.”
That it is, Mr. Dillard. That it is.
Here’s a few more words from the second article (with one name inserted by me):
The grounds crew workers will wear a “JA” patch on their uniforms for the remainder of the season. The Brewers relievers also took a huge flower arrangement down to the bullpen before the game Monday night against Miami with a ribbon inscribed “In Memory of Jeff Adcock.
“He was an awesome guy to be around,” said (pitcher Kameron) Loe. “He did anything we needed him to do. He loved his job. He loved being down there. We’ll definitely miss him. When somebody passes away so suddenly like that, you can’t believe it.
“We all loved him down there. Our hearts and prayers definitely go out to their family. I’m sure they’re stunned. Nobody saw it coming. It’s an extremely hard thing to swallow.”
That it is, Mr. Loe. And I wish I had some answers for you as to why these things happen, but I don’t. The best I can do is give you the following advice, for whatever it’s worth: cherish the life of your fallen friend. Honor his memory. Remember the good times, and even remember the bad times (if he ever shared any), because that’s how you can best remember your friend as he was — as the good person he undoubtedly was, the one who shared so much with you, the one who knew you well and wanted to make you laugh.
Remember him as he was. But do remember him, because the longer you can remember — and remember as accurately as possible — at least a part of your friend has lived on within you.
I have great sympathy for everyone who knew Jeff Adcock, including the Brewers players and coaches, the grounds crew staff, and every member of the Brewers organization who ever came into contact with him. A loss that’s this sudden, for no apparent reason, is one that’s very tough to bear, and I hope that remembering your friend as he was — alive, happy, and glad to be doing a job he enjoyed — will help somehow to lighten your grief.
And finally — if there is a positive afterlife (which I strongly believe there is), I truly hope Mr. Adcock is there, is at peace, and is getting reacquainted with all of those friends and family members who may have passed on before him. Because sooner or later, he will reunite with his friends again, in that place, and ’tis said that all the grief we feel now will be transmuted on that day to pure joy. I know that doesn’t help anyone who mourns Mr. Adcock now — it doesn’t help me much, when it comes to mourning my friend Jeff or my wonderful husband Michael — but as it’s the only source of potential comfort in this situation, I can’t help but proffer it in the hopes that it may somehow help someone.
Written by Barb Caffrey
July 2, 2012 at 7:55 pm
Posted in heartbreaking stories, Milwaukee Brewers baseball club
Tagged with Brewers grounds crew, Jeff Adcock, mortality
Jerry Sandusky Pedophilia Trial Ends: Guilty on 45 Counts (UPDATED)
Folks, I’m not sure how I feel about the trial of former Penn State assistant football coach Jerry Sandusky. Yes, it surely appears that Sandusky was and is a pedophile. Yes, the jury had to listen to extremely difficult and distressing testimony from several young men, all of whom seem to have been badly betrayed by Sandusky. And yes, it appears the jury has done its job thoroughly, convicting Sandusky on 45 of the 48 counts against him.**
However, Sandusky’s lead defense attorney, Joseph Amendola, raised serious questions during the trial. Amendola contended that the police attempted to make more out of the young men’s stories than was actually present, which is a seriously upsetting charge if true. Amendola wondered what the financial motivation was of all of these young men’s various lawyers — some of whom were not from the area — which seems like a valid point to make. And finally, Amendola claimed that Sandusky was wrongly accused — this latter obviously not having been proven in a court of law — and that perhaps Sandusky, due to the high amount of negative publicity in this case, could not get a fair trial no matter what he did.
All of this disturbs me.
But what also disturbs me is the fact that one of Sandusky’s adopted children has come forward with a claim that Sandusky, 68, also abused him. The prosecution in Sandusky’s case did not bring Sandusky’s son to the stand, perhaps because they felt they had more than enough evidence to convict Sandusky of pedophilia as it was. (Something that assuredly proved to be the case.) This makes me wonder if Sandusky’s adopted son had come forward much sooner if any of the other crimes Sandusky is accused of committing — that as of this hour he’s been convicted of actually doing (though my hunch is that Sandusky will appeal) — would ever have happened.
All of that said, the enormity of what Sandusky has now been convicted of doing is so disgusting that it’s hard for me to contemplate. Due to Sandusky’s own actions — his sickening, shocking, and outright wrong actions — at least ten young men have been grievously harmed. I feel terrible for these known victims of Sandusky’s sexual abuse and wish they’d never have had to endure any of it.
I also feel terrible for Sandusky’s son. If he, too, was abused by Sandusky and nothing was done about it, that’s so wrong that it makes my blood boil.
But I also feel terrible, oddly enough, for Sandusky himself, because usually, pedophiles aren’t born. They are made, often due to the same sexual abuse they later perpetrate against others.
This, of course, does not excuse Sandusky. He had the option to go for psychological help at any time. He also could’ve turned himself in to the police if he couldn’t control himself. And goodness knows, with this sort of problem he never, ever should’ve been around children.
That said, in this scenario, there are no winners. In addition to the ten known victims, Penn State has lost. Joe Paterno died in disgrace, something he may well have not deserved as it surely appears he tried hard to get Sandusky off his coaching staff once he realized what was going on. Sandusky’s wife Dottie, who appeared clueless throughout most of the trial, has surely lost greatly, though it’s puzzling to understand why she didn’t seem to see any problems with regards to her husband. Sandusky’s children have lost. And Sandusky himself has also lost.
I wish I had something more profound to say, but words escape me at a time like this.
I suppose the best lessons of the Jerry Sandusky trial should be these: if someone is sexually abusing you, no matter what his rank and wealth may be, please do your best to get help for yourself. Then report him (or her) to the authorities after you’ve gotten help. (And do keep a copy of THE COURAGE TO HEAL workbook nearby. Read it often. Learn that it’s not your fault that this happened. And keep repeating it to yourself, over and over, as it may well help and certainly can’t hurt.)
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**Edited to add — please see Dan Wetzel’s story at Yahoo Sports for further details, including how the local people reacted to the verdict, what the courtroom was like as the verdicts were handed down, and how Mrs. Sandusky handled it all.
The fact of the matter is, as Wetzel rightly points out, Sandusky’s victims were heroes for coming forward. It’s tough to “out” yourself as a victim of sexual abuse, particularly if you’re a young man who’s been abused by an older man in a position of trust. It’s a good thing these young men stayed the course, even though it seemed to me from the testimony that some of the victims seemed far more credible than others (as defense attorney Amendola said).
I hope that if I’d have been outside that courtroom, I’d not have cheered for Sandusky going to jail for the rest of his life. Instead, I hope I’d have prayed for him — unrepentant sinner though he is — because as I said before, pedophiles are usually not born. They are made.
Written by Barb Caffrey
June 22, 2012 at 10:58 pm
Posted in heartbreaking stories, Truly horrible behavior
Tagged with Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno, Penn State
Life Trumps Football; Packers OC loses son at age 21
Today, football took center stage as the Green Bay Packers hosted the New York Giants in the National Football League playoffs. The Packers were heavy favorites, as they had gone 15-1 during the regular season; most people in Wisconsin thought about the game, and about whether or not the Packers would do well, and that’s as normal.
What wasn’t as normal was the grief Packers Offensive Coordinator Joe Philbin has had to deal with, as his son, Michael, died suddenly at age 21 due to what seems like misadventure in Oshkosh as his body was pulled from the bottom of the iced-over Fox River this past Monday. Philbin was away from the team, something head coach Mike McCarthy said he’d completely expected.
“Joe Philbin is where he’s supposed to be,” McCarthy said. “Frankly, Joe and I haven’t even talked about his responsibility – and will not. He’s with his family and he’ll return when he feels he’s ready to return.”
This, of course is the proper attitude to take, especially considering this was an unanticipated death of a very young man.
The Packers ended up losing today’s game, 37-20, to the Giants, which as unexpected as that was on some levels actually makes sense to me.
You see, when people who matter to you die, that’s a lot more important than any football game, no matter how much you love football and no matter how much you root for the Packers. Even working for the Packers, as QB Aaron Rodgers, WR Donald Driver, and others do is not as important as the loss of Michael Philbin, something every single one of the Packers are likely to understand down the road (even as the sting of this loss may temporarily crowd that out).
No one, but no one, wants to go to a funeral, much less a funeral for a previously healthy and happy 21-year-old. The Packers went en masse to the funeral on Friday, and did their best to dedicate today’s game to the memory of Michael Philbin, but to my mind the grief suffered was just too overwhelming to bear.
My heart goes out to Joe Philbin and his family over the loss of Michael; may their memories of him sustain them in their time of grief, and may the people who care about the Philbins express their condolences no matter how awkward they may sound. Because people who grieve need to know that the life of their loved one mattered, and believe you me, most people both need and want to keep talking about the person (or people) who matter to them, even if they’re now dead.
Because none of us knows the future, please remember to let your loved ones know that you care about them every chance you get. Not a single one of us knows how many days we have left, and since we don’t know that, and we can’t know that, we have to make the best of whatever time we have.
That way, when you’re left with nothing but memories (as I’ve been now, twice), those memories can give you some comfort amidst the pain.
Written by Barb Caffrey
January 15, 2012 at 8:14 pm
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