Archive for the ‘Inspirational stuff’ Category
Turning Bad Circumstances into Good Ones
It’s Friday the 13th, so I thought I’d talk about how to turn bad circumstances into good ones. (Or, at least, into better ones?)
“Why, Barb, did you pick Friday the 13th for this blog?” you ask, wearily.
Well, the answer is simple. On Friday the 13th, everyone worries more about accidents, superstitions, odd events…and what’s odder than turning a bad circumstance into a good one?
Yeah, I realize that’s not how most people think of it. Instead, we think about the negative stuff going on all around us. And it’s very easy to find…we all have stuff in our lives that could be, shall we say, improved.
And it’s hard to think about improving things, when everything seems against you.
I’ve had my back to the wall at least ten times in my life. It’s not pleasant. Every time, I’ve thought whatever was going on would break me. I’ve been through deaths of loved ones (including my beloved husband Michael), divorces before I even found Michael at all, at least five major moves, job losses, and economic hardship, and I haven’t enjoyed any of it.
(If I did, though, wouldn’t you wonder what I was about? I would, in your place. But I digress.)
What you have to do when you’re at a breaking point is to keep going. Remember that you didn’t ask for this to happen. You are just doing the best you can. Maybe you’ve made mistakes, but we all have…the trick is not to give up on yourself and not to give up on your talents, no matter what is stacked against you.
And as bad as dealing with horrific events (like deaths of loved ones in particular) can be, there actually is one positive side to it that I’ve found.
Ready?
I realized that going through all the negative experiences in my life has actually sensitized me to other people’s suffering. And along the way, I found that being able to help someone else, even if it’s only a little bit, did two great things: It helped the other person realize they were not alone, and it also made me feel better as a human being to reach out and help someone who truly needed it.
Maybe that’s why we have things like “Do unto others as they do unto you” (the Golden Rule). It’s not just that we want to be treated well; it’s that we need to treat others well for our own well-being, and to become our best selves.
Anyway, the point of this blog is, sometimes life just stinks. There are things you have to do sometimes that you never wanted to — that you never even conceived of, when you started out as a young adult — but you have no choice.
When you’re at one of those places, step back, and try to realize that you are not alone. You can come back from whatever it is that you’re facing with time, courage, fortitude, will, and effort. Best of all, you will be able to better understand yourself and others when you do…and I don’t know of any other way to turn a bad circumstance into a good one than that.
Don’t Be Afraid to Hope
Folks, we’re now one day into 2017. And after most of us got buffeted, again and again, by the Wrath of 2016 (TM), it seems nearly impossible to believe in something better during the upcoming year.
But don’t you dare believe that better things don’t exist.
Why?
Quite simply, dreams die when you stop hoping for better. And when dreams die, at least some of your zest for life dies with them.
Does that mean every single dream you’ve ever had will work out as planned? Of course not. Life doesn’t work that way at all. Most of us know that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans, after all…still, you have to try to set goals, you have to try to make good things happen, and you have to be willing to hope for better than what you have today.
Otherwise, you can’t possibly try for better, because you don’t even realize that better exists.
So in this new year, full of possibilities good, bad, and indifferent, for just one day, try to throw the bad and indifferent possibilities out and concentrate on the good ones instead.
Don’t be afraid to hope.
But while you wait and hope, keep working on yourself, too, and try to take one step every day toward your goal.
That, ultimately, is what will get you there — the belief that you can, along with the willingness to do the work to turn that belief into reality.
The True Meaning of Christmas, and Brandon Burlsworth
Folks, last night I watched the movie GREATER, which is about Brandon Burlsworth, a young man who with faith, optimism, hope, and hard work transformed himself into not just a football player, but a starting guard with the Arkansas Razorbacks. Burlsworth even got drafted by an NFL team, the Indianapolis Colts, and everything looked bright…
Then, he was in a car accident, not too far from his home. He died at age twenty-two, just three weeks after being drafted by the Colts.
Despite Burlsworth’s life being incredibly short, he was a truly inspirational figure. He realized early what he wanted to do, didn’t have the natural talent or stature to do it (a late growth spurt helped with the last), but worked harder than anyone else. He listened to his coaches, who appreciated his hard work and dedication; he listened to himself when others told him he couldn’t do something, and he listened to the Higher Power, and trusted that what he believed in — what he wanted to do — was the right thing.
Did every day go well for him? Of course it didn’t. Did he have days where he wondered why he was doing what he was doing? Of course he did. Did he have ups, downs, and frustrations like the rest of us? Of course he did.
But every day, he got up, and he did what he could to work toward his goal.
And he achieved it. He went from walk-on to three-year starter at Arkansas, he became an All-American, and he was drafted by the Colts.
Of course it would’ve been better had he lived longer. Burlsworth was the type of person others respected, and because of his own unshakeable faith and hard work, who knows what he could’ve become over time?
But his was a truly remarkable and inspirational life. This was a bookish, overweight kid with very little (if any) athletic talent, but he had a dream and he worked hard every day to achieve that dream.
And he did.
What does this have to do with the true meaning of Christmas, you ask?
It’s simple.
The story of Jesus’s life is powerful, partly because of his humble beginnings. Everything seemed stacked against him from the start. His family was not wealthy or powerful. He grew up in a hostile environment (what else can you call the persecution of King Herod, anyway?), was different from everyone he knew in many ways, and had a quiet, unshakeable faith that he would find his path and make a difference.
And he did.
We still remember Jesus, two thousand plus years later. We remember the power to make a difference, to love one another, to be good to one another, to appreciate one another, to work hard and not let anyone stop you — not even yourself.
Every single day will not be easy for you. It wasn’t for Jesus. (It wasn’t for Brandon Burlsworth, either. Read more about his inspirational life here at the blog Sports on Earth.) But it’s worth it if you get up every day, work hard, have faith (yes, even when it’s difficult or nigh on to impossible), and believe that tomorrow will be better than today.
That, to my mind, is far more the spirit of Christmas than anything commercial. Because it boils down to just a few things:
Love one another.
Treat others with respect and kindness. (Yeah, the first kind of implies that, but why not spell it out? Can’t hurt.)
Work hard.
Have faith.
Keep trying.
Don’t give up.
And if you can believe in the Higher Power — whatever and however it manifests for you — good. Because that may allow you to tap into more optimism, and that’s all to the good.
Rolling with the Punches…
Folks, before any of you freak out, I’m not talking literal punches, here. (No, the second coming of Muhammad Ali has not haunted my sleep, fortunately.) Just the usual stuff that tends to congregate that you’d rather not do, including minor car issues, a couple of minor medical tests, and the like.
But that got me thinking. (Ooh, a dangerous task, I know…but one I take up with abandon. Or something.)
What are you supposed to do when life throws you a curveball?
Whether it’s minor medical tests or a car problem you’d rather not have (like today’s refusal by my car’s battery to start the car, necessitating a call to AAA), you have to keep as calm as possible and solve the problem as best you can.
I don’t do well with medical tests, personally. I would rather not do any of them. (I freely admit this.) I know it’s better for my health to do them, however, so I do…grumbling all the way. (Hey, it’s not all sweetness and light around Chez Caffrey, hard though I try.)
Fortunately, I have good friends who listen to me and care enough that they’re willing to tell me when I’m being foolish or counterproductive. (Mostly they say this by omission rather than direct observation, but I’m not an idiot; I can tell if they think I’m behaving stupidly, and usually I adjust my behavior accordingly ’cause I don’t want to add to my friends’ burdens.)
To mix metaphors gleefully (the only way to mix metaphors, I can assure you), I think you have to roll with the punches life throws at you. Whether the car doesn’t start (bad battery; bad!), the doctor insists you need a medical test you’d rather not do, or anything else you’d rather not have to deal with, you have to try to remain calm.
But what do you do when you just can’t?
What I do is this: I try to envision the worst-case scenario. What is that, and can I survive it?
Since I’ve survived any number of difficult things in my life (including the deaths of my beloved husband and my best friend), if I think rationally — whether using the worst case scenario frame or not — I know that these problems, vexing though they are, are transitory.
In a week, I won’t think much about ’em. In a month, they’ll be in the rear view mirror so much, they’re barely a pinprick…so it’s all a matter of perspective.
Try to remember that, the next time you have something happen that makes your blood boil. Maybe it’ll help you maintain a cooler head, so you can think your way out of the problem. (Or at least keep your blood pressure down somewhat, which is also a win of sorts.)
Monday Motivation: Transcending Fear
Sometimes, the toughest thing to do as a writer is to get out of your own way.
As this is a Monday Motivation post — meaning I’m trying, deliberately, to give some inspiration to some writer somewhere who’s having trouble, and thinks he or she is the only one in the world who’s ever suffered this — I figured I’d talk about one of the biggest problems writers have: transcending fear.
“But Barb,” you say, “why write if it’s so hard to get past your fear of what’s going to come out?”
I’m not sure why I write, entirely, except that I need to do it. (Stories to tell and miles to go…all that.) However, because I want my writing to reflect as much “real life” angst and heartbreak and agony — along with love, compassion, and kindness, natch — I have to be willing to put everything I have, everything I am, onto the page. Without judgment, without second-guessing, without…I don’t know…Editor Voice getting in the way and saying, “You can’t do that.”
So there is some fear involved, with writing, if you do it right. You may not think about it much, at the time, but it’s still there, waiting for the moment to pounce.
Why?
We’re all bundles of ego and nerves, you see, and when you’re creating something new, it’s agonizing. Or exhilirating. Or nerve-racking. Or all of it at once.
And I’m not the only writer in the history of the world to think this, either. (Far from it.) Ralph Keyes thought so much about this idea, he wrote a book called THE COURAGE TO WRITE: How Writers Transcend Fear. In Keyes’ book, he discusses many different reasons as to why writers worry so much about what other people will think of them, their writing, their descriptions, their everything…and why, ultimately, you should listen to your own “inner voice” and throw all of that out, so you can get on with the job of writing.
Ultimately, Keyes’ point is that writers are gamblers by nature. We take risks, and we need to take them, because that is how we’re made. And one of those risks we take, every day we sit down to write, is in how what we write is going to be perceived.
It’s something I know, that fear. I push past it, because I have to do it; maybe it helps that unlike many of my fellow writers, I was trained as a performing musician, and thus have had to deal with my own nerves, and my own fears of failed performance in action, from early life onward.
But you, too, can get past your own fear. You can get out of your own way, and write…you can find a way to silence Editor Voice, at least for long enough to do what you need to do.
So, just for today, don’t be afraid of what comes out when you sit down to write. Give yourself room, and time, and watch the words flow out, no matter what they are.
That way, you get past your fear, and you do what you were born to do.
Friendship Matters
It’s time for an update post, folks. But I wanted to do it a little differently this time, and start out by thanking my friends.
Because friendship matters, you see. People who support you when you’re down, when you’re frustrated, when you’re wondering if anything you do matters, and when nothing seems to be going right are worth their weight in gold.
I am very fortunate to have a number of great friends. They are supportive, encouraging, sometimes inspirational, bracing, funny, kind, and give me a great deal of advice — most of it good, some of it exceptional.
2016 has been a rotten year for me in many respects. Living situation, health, and finances all were not what I wanted them to be. I haven’t been able to help others the way I wanted to, either, which is frustrating as Hell…because I figure if I’m here on this Earth, I should do whatever I can to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Yeah, that’s a catchphrase. But it’s also true. I want to do what I can to help other people. Some days I’m better at that than others, but that is always my goal. And this year, I don’t think I’ve met that goal at all.
Anyway, as for the update part of this post: CHANGING FACES is nearly done. (Don’t celebrate yet, but do think good thoughts that I can finish up the few remaining bits, will you?) I’m happy about that, and happy with the progress I’ve made on it.
As for an estimated time of arrival? If I can do what I need to do this week, I might have a shot at it coming out in mid-December of 2016 — this according to my publisher. All of it depends on me finishing this book ASAP and getting it to my long-suffering editor to read over as well as whatever first readers I can finagle or bribe find who can read my novel in a hurry and give me some sort of honest reaction.
Writing this year has been a struggle because so many other things around me that were completely out of my control went wrong. But if I can finish CHANGING FACES well, that matters to me…and I hope it matters to you as well.
Stay safe this week, folks, and do vote, regardless of whomever you’re voting for. (I voted early, so I’m done with that mess.) Voting is important, even in a year like 2016 where we’ve seen more mud and vitriol and nonsense than perhaps ever before — I say “perhaps” because 1876 was a pretty bad year in that regard, too.
More updates as I have ’em, and more blog subjects this week await. (As always.)
Have an excellent week!
Refuse to Give Up
Folks, I only have a few words for you today, but here goes:
Refuse to give up.
As my ongoing housing crisis continues, I’ve struggled to finish CHANGING FACES. I believe in this story, and have been working on it in one form or another for the last fourteen years. The stress has been enormous to do everything that needs to be done, yet continue to write as that’s vitally important to me.
If I do my job well, no one’s going to care in a year, or ten years, or whatever, that I endured hardship and travail while finishing up this novel. (Nor should they, as the hope is the work stands or falls on its own merit.) And that thought is slightly heartening, oddly liberating…but it’s not as important as the one I already gave you.
In your own lives, you probably have endured much difficulty and stress. Writing — doing something creative, that comes from your heart and soul and mind — is not easy when you’re going through all that. But providing you find a way to keep doing it as you’re able, the journey is worth it…and the end result should be worth it, too.
So, if you’ve learned nothing else about me in all the years I’ve written this blog, know this:
I refuse to give up. And so should you.
#MondayInspiration: Be Your Best Self
Folks, I continue to struggle with the housing crisis. But I wanted to make sure I wrote a blog today, as it’s Monday…we all need inspiration, and Monday seems to be the best day to put something up that might help someone, somewhere.
“But why, Barb, do you say I should be my best self? How is that inspirational in any way?” you ask.
Um, because being your best self isn’t always easy. Things happen, like my current housing crisis, that can throw you off your game. That makes it harder for you to tap into your creativity, and harder to do anything positive, because it doesn’t seem to matter much anyway.
But it truly does.
When you think your creativity doesn’t matter is precisely when it does. It’s your way of striking back against the darkness in your life. Against the stuff that’s going wrong, that maybe you can’t fix, that maybe you can’t even fathom…it’s your way of saying, “Hey, universe, you may have me by the throat, but you can’t break me.”
Look, folks. The courage to create is often tied up in two things: being willing to look stupid for a teensy bit (in order to get something important out), and knowing that you might well fail time and time again (because only in failure can you find your way through to success). These two things seem antithetical to creativity, but for some reason, they can also be a catalyst if you work it just right.
Yes, it’s paradoxical, that you can use these two things to fuel your creativity and fuel yourself during difficult and stressful times. But it works…it allows you to keep trying, because you aren’t as afraid to look stupid. And it allows you to keep working hard, even knowing that your first, second, third, or even sixty-first attempt might not be what you want…but the sixty-second just might be.
The main thing I want to impress upon you, readers, is this: You have to keep trying. Whatever creative spark that is in you, you need to encourage it to flower. You can’t give up, just because times are hard and bad…you have to do whatever you can, even if it’s very small, even if it seems unimportant, because that’s your way of being your best self.
Or at least your best creative self.
Anyway, what do you do when you feel up against it, and need to create? (Watch cat GIFs?) I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
A Letter to my Younger Self
I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of writing a letter to my younger self. What would I say, and why?
Now, we all know the answer. Enjoy!
Dear younger Barb,
You’ve probably already figured out that life isn’t exactly a bowl of cherries. But in case you haven’t, let me assure you — it isn’t.
That said, there are very good people you’re going to get to know, including one very special and wonderful man who will be your husband and the other half of your soul. Don’t give up on finding love, whatever you do; you want to find this man, and experience what he has to offer.
Yeah, you’re going to have to kiss a lot of toads before you find him. That’s the tricky thing about love, you see…not everyone is honest about what they want, or what they’re going to want from you. The only way you learn how to fully understand who a person is and what he wants is to experience life in all its glory…and, unfortunately, all of its disaster.
You’re a realist, at this stage of the game, and somewhat of a cynic. (I do remember that much.) You don’t expect anyone to treat you well right now, and you barely believe that you deserve that. This is one reason it takes you extra time to find the right man, and it’s time I wish I could help you short-circuit.
But there’s something about life that must be felt, must be seen, must be shown, or you can’t fully understand the gift you will be given later on.
Lest you think your husband is the only good person in your life — the only extraordinary, one-of-a-kind person, that is — he’s not. You will have female friends to understand you, and a couple of interesting men who also seem to “get” you. Long-term friendships are something you have always valued, and you will indeed have these things.
You may notice I’m not saying much about family concerns. I can’t, because the way I see them and the way you see them may not necessarily make any sense.
And no, that’s not a cop-out. It’s that so many things have happened that I can’t properly explain it in a letter; it’s too complicated.
Will you become the musician you’d always hoped to be? Partly. Your education will stand you in good stead, though, so please don’t think you’re a failure, just because you never get to play Carnegie Hall like you always dreamed.
Will you become the writer you’d always hoped to be? Yes, you will. But not necessarily in the way you’d hoped, at first…(where are those sports-writing gigs, anyway?)
Will you do other things that bring you joy, help you find meaning, and give you serenity? Yes, indeed.
But there will be pain. Lots and lots and lots of it.
Know that your husband, and your friends, and your family, and your strengths and talents and abilities and perseverance will help you rise above it, and give you the ability to keep going.
That’s what matters, in life. Persistence matters just as much as talent does. You have to keep trying. You have to keep living, even though some days are very difficult. (I’ve never believed in lying, and I’m not going to start now.)
So, younger Barb, we’re down to this. The one life lesson I want you to consider, as you continue on your journey.
What can you learn from the pain, in order to better inform your music, writing, and other creativity?
If you can figure that out, you’re going to be a much happier, wiser, and kinder person — and a far less frustrated one, too.
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