Archive for the ‘Inspirational stuff’ Category
Meditations on Failure
Folks, I thought long and hard about what to blog about today. There are so many subjects in the news, including Donald Trump’s odd and nonsensical comments about a past Miss Universe contestant (why Trump should care about anyone else’s weight but his own is beyond me), but I decided on this one. I hope you enjoy it.
Failure.
What does it mean, and can we learn anything from it?
Of course, we all know what failure means, roughly. We tried something, and it didn’t work out. That could’ve been anything — a job, a relationship, a creative pursuit, whatever. But some failures hurt more than others, and that’s why I wanted to talk about it today.
Can we learn anything from failure? Can we improve ourselves, and how we move on about our daily business, a little better because we’ve failed at something? Does it make us more empathetic toward others, as it’s a universal condition?
I’d like to think the answer to all of the above questions is yes.
Look. We’ve all done something, said something, or failed to do something or say something that has hurt someone else — or ourselves. We’ve all had days where we didn’t live up to our highest standards; we’ve had days where we couldn’t get anything done; we’ve had days where the only thing that seems constant is the pressure all around us, mocking us, telling us that what we’ve done and said and been has not been enough.
In other words, failure seems like it’s a reinforcement of negative thoughts. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
I’d rather look at failure in a different way, if you don’t mind. Failure is where you tried something that just did not work, for whatever reason. You learned something, probably, even if you don’t realize exactly what that thing was, and you’re going to move forward with a greater knowledge of yourself and others…which, if you think about it from a more healing direction, is a win/win.
“But Barb,” you say. “What about just feeling like a failure, when you’ve not done anything wrong? What about that?”
Hm. That’s a tougher one to talk about, but I’ll try anyway.
Those of us who deal with a great deal of stress every day are going to have times where we can’t do that much. That’s just the way life is. That does not make you a failure, for understanding that you’re going to have a bad day or three here and there.
So, even if you have a bad day, or a whole series of them, please do not think that makes you a permanent failure.
All it means is that you’ve had a bad day (or a series of them).
“But how can I turn that to my advantage, Barb?” you ask, pulling worriedly at your hair. (Yes, I can see you from here. I know you’re doing that. Or some other nervous tic.)
Well, if you can keep it in mind that we all have bad days, and we all have endured them, that might allow you to be more understanding and empathetic…and also give you an appreciation for the good days you previously took for granted.
Why is it that we don’t appreciate good days that much, hm? Why don’t we say to ourselves, “I wrote two thousand words today,” and be as pleased about that as we are for someone else when he or she does it? Why is it we don’t say to ourselves, “Hey, you managed to walk a mile today when your back was out, and it actually made your back feel a little better even though it was exhausting,” when we’d gladly say that to anyone else we know?
In short, I think failure is meant to remind us of two things.
- We’re human.
- No one’s perfect all the time, no matter how hard we try.
So, just for today, be gentle to yourself — as gentle as you’d be with your best friend.
Maybe that way, you’ll be able to have a better day, and do more. (And even if you don’t have either one, it certainly can’t hurt.)
Skip the Self-Sabotage; Instead, Use Your Talents Today
Folks, I’ve been pondering something, and here goes:
Why do we sabotage ourselves so much? Why do we use so much negative self-talk?
Worse, why do we listen to others who have nothing to say except negativity?
Look. As a creative person, I need to be able to create. It’s like air, to me; if I can’t create, it’s like I’m slowly getting smothered. (That’s one reason I’m so happy to report I wrote 1500 words tonight — yay! But I digress.) If I can successfully create something new, something all mine, something unique and different and real…well, I feel like I’ve cast a blow against the darkness of conformity, misunderstanding, and, of course, negativity.
Including self-sabotaging negative self-talk, mind.
See, it’s all too easy to get down on yourself. Life is difficult, frustrating, there’s never enough time in the day, it’s hard to get in the right frame of mind sometimes to write, and it’s even harder still to make yourself believe that it’s relevant sometimes.
I mean, in my case, I’m barely known. (Not that it matters for the purposes of discussion, after all, but sometimes that still matters to me. I’m human, and I have my egotistical moments. I freely admit that. But again, I digress.) It can be hard to tell myself, “Hey, Barb, what you do matters. Even if no one else but you will ever know it, it matters, OK?”
Why does it matter? Because I haven’t given up yet. I haven’t given up on my talents, or abilities…I haven’t stopped trying to use them, and I hope I never will.
Yes, life is damned difficult, sometimes. I’ve not had an easy road, and I’m betting very few of you out there have, either. But what we do with what we’ve learned, and how we use it to create with, matters very much.
So, for today — just for today, mind you! — when your mind tries to tell you that your writing, music, art, or other creative impulses don’t matter, tell your mind to go mind its own business.
Then go create.
Just use your talents, please, as best you can.
That is the winning strategy, whether anyone else knows it or not.
Scott Park’s Story Explains Why We Must All Challenge Our Assumptions
About a year ago, college basketball fan Scott Park was gaining notoriety for missing a million dollar half-court shot. As he looked healthy, perhaps it wasn’t surprising that Mr. Park was mocked by thousands upon thousands of people after he missed that half-court shot.
But there was much more to this story, which ESPN found out. They made a video for their E:360 program, which was also aired yesterday on ESPN’s Outside the Lines…and because I saw that, I felt the need to discuss it further. (While I haven’t figured out how to link directly to OTL’s feed, I can send you in the direction of OTL’s “extra” footage discussing why both Bob Ley and reporter Ryan McGee found Scott Park’s story to be both relevant and inspirational.)
Granted, once I saw the story myself, it’s obvious why Scott Park’s story is inspirational. This is a man who has nearly died — not once, but twice. (See McGee’s article from March of this year for further details.) He suffers from a condition called CAPS — otherwise known as catastrophic antiphospholipid syndrome — and because of it, he’s already endured a kidney transplant and suffered serious and life-threatening consequences.**
Scott Park’s story is inspirational. (We need more stories like this in this world.) But we’d not know about it except for two things: first, Scott Park missed that half-court shot, and because he looked healthy people made fun of him for doing so. And second, the reporter who posted the clip of Mr. Park missing that shot wrote a follow-up story to explain just why we should be ashamed of ourselves for jumping to conclusions. That got other writers, including ESPN’s Ryan McGee, interested in Scott Park and following along with Mr. Park’s story of persistence, faith, hope, and chronic struggles against his disabling conditions — though the way Scott Park carried himself during the E:360 piece (shown on OTL yesterday), it’s obvious that he is emphasizing the “half-full” part of the equation.
Simply put: While he may be disabled today, he is a lucky man. He has a caring, loving, and devoted wife and family, and many good friends (one who donated his kidney in order to give Scott Park more time on this Earth). He loves college basketball, even now. He holds no animus toward anyone, including the reporter who posted the clip of Park’s abortive half-court shot effort. And no one should feel sorry for him, even with his health challenges, physical therapy, and all…because he’s had a good life, he’s still in there fighting, and — maybe this is leap of faith on my part — life is all about what you do with it.
Scott Park has done a great deal with his life. And that’s what no one knew when the clip of him missing the half-court shot was taken.
Fortunately, we did learn “the rest of the story” with regards to Scott Park. But we don’t always know everyone’s stories, and there’s an awful lot of assumptions going on. We live in a world where it seems everyone rushes to judgment, and sometimes, that judgment is plain, flat, utterly wrong.
So, the lessons I would like you to take away from this are these:
- Challenge your assumptions. Challenge them often.
- Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes.
- Be as charitable and forgiving as you can. Because some day, you may just need some of that charity and forgiveness for yourself.
- Do not assume that the initial narrative framing is correct.
- And, finally — DO YOUR RESEARCH.
If you do all that, you are much less likely to be an obnoxious, uncaring, unfeeling butthead. (End rant.)
————
**At the moment, Mr. Park is in the hospital, recovering from a series of strokes. He is alert, aware, in good spirits, doing physical therapy, and hoping to regain the use of his right arm and to walk again. Wish him well, will you?
Please Welcome Author Victoria Adams to the Elfyverse!
Folks, today is the second in what I hope will be a three-day extravaganza of blog exchanges. Author Victoria Adams is visiting the Elfyverse, while I am visiting her blog to discuss my two stories in the Exquisite Christmas anthology, those being “Marja’s Victory” and “To Hunt the Hunter.”
Why are Victoria and I doing a blog exchange? Well, she and I got to know each other because of the Exquisite Christmas anthology. She has a great story to lead off the anthology, one featuring a belly dancer, called “Christmas Knight.” And I hoped she’d not mind telling you more about this story, plus giving an excerpt to boot — and fortunately for me, she agreed.
So, take it away, Victoria!
Hi, I’m Victoria Adams and I’m excited to be here with the newly released anthology of Christmas stories — Exquisite Christmas.
In my story, “Christmas Knight,” Tamara is a belly dancer who is performing on a cruise ship.
Why did I pick a belly dancer? Because I’m a belly dancer. I’ve taken dance since I was in grade 3, but it was ballet way back then. After university, I taught dance in a Performing Arts school for many, many, MANY years.
A friend of mine visited Egypt and fell in love with Egypt and belly dance. She trained, studied and performed and eventually began to teach. I took classes and fell in love with the dance.
The above picture is not me. Belly dance doesn’t care how tall, small, skinny, not-skinny, young or old you are. You don’t have to leap through the air or do full splits on the ground. Yes, you do get to shake your butt – that’s called a shimmy.
Here’s a YouTube link on how to Shimmy – https://youtu.be/cZP0wxQJIfc
Every May, I and thousands of other belly dancers around the world participate in Shimmy Mob. The reason – to raise money for women and children’s shelters. It’s a fun day.
You don’t have to be a belly dancer to join in the day – here’s is the link if you want to check it out – http://www.shimmymob.com/
An excerpt from the short story “Christmas Knight:”
Her body trembled. Tears tumbled from her eyes. Tamara plopped on the bench, lifted the handkerchief to her face and blew. “Oh!” She turned. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to use it. I’ll…get it cleaned.”
His mouth broke into a wide grin. His eyes sparkled like the stars above her. Tamara forgot her sadness and revelled in the joy of the moment.
“Question? Your hair was long and black this evening.” He slid his hand over her short, red hair.
She shrugged. “Wig.”
He lowered his gaze. “I was mesmerized by your dancing. The sensual way you moved. I felt it here.” He lifted his head and rested his hand on his chest. “It felt like you were dancing just for me.”
Tamara chuckled. “I almost was. The ship is only about a quarter full.” She bit her bottom lip. “I saw you when I was first on stage, getting my bearings. When I dance I can’t look at the audience. I pretend it’s just dress rehearsal and there’s no one watching me.”
“I was watching you.” He brushed his hand across her cheek. “And what do you mean, getting your bearings?”
Shifting in her seat, Tam leaned against the back and stretched out her legs. “I find the edges. You know, so I don’t misstep and fall off. I don’t want the audience to know how much of a klutz I really am.”
“I would catch you.” He stood, turned to face her, and held out his arms. “Let’s practise. You fall off the bench and I will catch you.”
Tammy slapped her hand against her mouth, giggled, and shook her head.
“No is the wrong answer.” He crossed his arms. “I’m doing my best knight in shining armour impress—” He glanced down at his suit. “Change that to, I’m here in my best Hugo Boss suit doing by my Sir Lancelot impression of a brave and noble knight, willing to rescue a damsel in distress. You have to fall, so I can catch you.” He thrust his arms out.
“Do it,” a voice from somewhere in her head shouted.
Digging up a moment of courage, Tam stood, climbed onto the bench, and turned to face her gallant knight-wannabe. She bit back a tsunami of nervous giggles, raised her arms, and moved them in an undulating, snake-light movement. Swerving her hips in a slow figure eight pattern, she rippled the muscles up and down her belly. She took two steps to the right then slightly turned to the left. She raised the back of her hand to her forehead and squealed in a perfect drama-queen voice, “Ooh. Catch me.” Then shifted her balance and allowed herself to fall.
His arms were strong as they pulled her close to his body. Inhaling the sensual aroma of his aftershave, she rested her head against his shoulder and let a wave of serenity wash over her.
His gaze met hers. “I feel at a moment such as this, we should be introduced. I’m S.C.”
“Tamara.”
“Hello, Tamara. Lovely name.”
“What does S.C. stand for? And are you going to put me down?”
“If I must.”
About Exquisite Christmas: When romance writers give love stories to the world, we do more than entertain – we share our hope for something better. These imaginative moments of happy-ever-after warm the soul and ripple outward. The world needs more love, and every bit helps.
We hope you enjoy this collection of heartwarming seasonal tales and delicious recipes by twenty-one Bestselling, Award-winning, and Multi-Published Authors from the international Exquisite Quills community: Victoria Adams, Rose Anderson, E. Ayers, Beverley Bateman, Lily Bishop, Barb Caffrey, Helena Fairfax, J.D. Faver, Jennifer Garcia, Romy Gemmell, Vonnie Hughs, Susan Jaymes, Gemma Juliana, Jean Lamb, Lyndi Lamont, Zanna Mackenzie, Janis Susan May, Dee Ann Palmer, Jane Leopold Quinn, Kaye Spencer, and M. S. Spencer.
Happy Holidays!
Bio –
Author Bio – Victoria Adams, author of NA contemporary and contemporary romances was born and raised in Ontario, Canada. Victoria lives in the country where she takes long walks on her quiet country road and in the summer tends her flower gardens and vegetable patch and in the winter dreams about them, while they are buried under two feet of snow. Her large farm house now holds only her cat, herself, her husband and a ghost.
Victoria Adams is the alternate pen name to another author – secret identity. She is indie published.
Published works
Dancing In Circles (Circles Trilogy book 1)
Circles Divided (Circles Trilogy book 2)
Circles Interlocked (Circles Trilogy book 3)
A Guy and A Girl
Red Tulip
Exquisite Christmas (anthology of Christmas Stories and recipes)
Where to find me
Blog – Victoria’s Pages of Romance – http://victoriaadams.blogspot.com
FaceBook – http://www.facebook.com/victoriaadams.romancewriter
Facebook Author Page – http://www.facebook.com/pages/Victoria-Adams/244325918978641
FaceBook page – Books by Victoria Adams – http://www.facebook.com/CirclesTrilogy?ref=hl
Twitter – http://twitter.com/_VictoriaAdams
Google+ – https://plus.google.com/u/0/101309354959026073738
Amazon Author Page – http://www.amazon.com/Victoria-Adams/e/B007DVKQVC/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1434080349&sr=1-2-ent
Friday Inspiration: Overcoming Back Pain, and Other Obstacles
Folks, for the past several weeks, I have been saying very little about what’s been going on with me and my health.
Why? Well, as you know, I am not able-bodied. But I can do many things, and I don’t want anyone to dwell on my disabilities. I’d rather talk about my abilities instead.
There are many people in this world worse off than I am. I can walk, albeit with a cane, and I can type, even though sometimes I have pain due to carpal tunnel syndrome.
I would rather overcome my obstacles than give in to them. However, sometimes I have to take time out for myself to rest and recuperate.
Or, in this case, to do back therapy, as my lower back is so inflamed, I can barely walk or move around.
Of course I’ve been taking more medicine, including the hated seven-day course of prednisone. to try to get my muscles to relax. I’ve also been doing the stretches prescribed by the physical therapists, and will be in physical therapy for another four or five weeks.
Why am I telling you all this? Because maybe someone out there needs to hear that you don’t have to give in to pain. You have to recognize it, and deal with it, but you don’t have to give in to it.
There’s something you hear a lot from professional athletes, who in the main deal with injuries far more than the general public. They say that when you’re recovering, you have to “stay within yourself.”
I’m not particularly good at this, but I’m learning.
If I stay within myself, I can get everything done that I need to do. That includes writing, editing, practicing for next week’s concert with the Racine Concert Band out at Park High School…all of that.
Yes, I’m going to pay in pain. But I can get it done.
So, for the moment, how I overcome obstacles is to pace myself. Do the stretches, and try to get my back to loosen up a little. Take more breaks. Eat well, and try to rest (which isn’t always easy with back pain, but I’m doing what I can). Use a heating pad, or take a long, hot shower a few times a day.
Whatever works.
And try to give myself a break, too. Because sometimes, being good to yourself is the hardest thing — especially when you want to be doing so much more than you are.
Still. For this week’s inspirational thought, I leave you with this:
Don’t let your obstacles overwhelm you. Find a way to circumvent them as much as possible. And live your life as best you can.
That is the winning strategy.
Where Have You Gone, Judith A. Lansdowne?
Folks, it is no secret that I’m partial to romance novels.
As such, I’ve been asked often what I like about them. Because these are often the oldest stories in the world — boy meets girl, boy either takes to girl right away or can’t stand her (or vice versa), and in the end the couple walks off into the sunset.
This is the case in ninety percent of traditional romances, whether set in a historical period like England’s Regency, or in the current day.
But some romance authors add more. They add wit, charm, style, a certain zing — it’s hard to quantify, but it’s very easy to spot.
Judith A. Lansdowne has this extra ability. From her very first novel, AMELIA’S INTRIGUE (which I recently read via Inter-Library Loan) to her latest, JUST IMPOSSIBLE, Ms. Lansdowne found a way to weave in suspense, intrigue, humor, genuine pathos, and anything else anyone could ever want in a story.
Ms. Lansdowne hasn’t been active as a novelist since 2004. I’ve heard rumors that her husband was not well, or that there was some sort of family health crisis that took her away from her writing.
I have to assume that this is the only reason why her books haven’t re-emerged as e-books in the intervening eleven years. Because these are truly excellent books; they make you laugh, they make you think, they make you wish that every romance had this much charm.
In my own case, I often look at these romances between difficult women — too intelligent, maybe, or too forthright (as they used to put it in the Regency Era, “not quite in the common way”) — and prickly, dangerous, or a bit off-center men and find bits of myself and my late husband in there.
Even in the more “tame” romances, such as MUTINY AT ALMACK’S or JUST IN TIME, there’s always something different, something intriguing, to hold my interest.
Anyway, I don’t know where Ms. Lansdowne is. I’ve never met her. I do know that she, like myself, is an alumna of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside. (She was class of ’75, while I was class of ’94.) And because I know that at least some of my readership consists of Parkside graduates, my hope is that this little blog post will find her.
Because she may be thinking, at this late date, that no one wants to read her writing. And that’s just not true.
Or that her writing didn’t matter, which isn’t true, either.
One, final thought: Over this past week, when I had many disappointments — including the realization that I must push back the release of CHANGING FACES as despite my efforts, it is far from complete — Ms. Lansdowne’s words have given me hope, and have reminded me of what’s important in life.
My husband Michael believed in me, and believed in my writing. Just because I have a lot on my plate right now, that doesn’t at all mean I can’t get it done…I just have to believe in myself, and keep going.
And for the moment, Ms. Lansdowne’s work is helping me stay focused and centered.
So, wherever you are, Ms. Lansdowne, know that you’ve got a new fan in me…eleven years after your latest book came out.
Encouragement: Not Just for Breakfast Anymore? #InspirationalStuff
As a writer, sometimes I need encouragement. Advice. Support.
And, like most of you, I don’t always get it.
So what can I do on days when I don’t feel encouraged?
Usually, I just put my mind to the task and do it anyway. But lately, I’ve been wondering this question: What if I tried to encourage myself, rather than tear myself down?
Why is it that we feel like there’s something wrong with self-encouragement? Why can’t we treat ourselves as gently as we’d treat our friends? Why can’t we give ourselves the encouragement we need, when no one else is doing it?
Interesting concept, no?
But how do you go about all that, when you don’t even know where to start?
Like I said, my tendency is to realize I’m not going to be encouraged, and just go and do it anyway. So what I do is look over what I have of my work-in-progress. Sometimes I add a little here, take a little out there… Then I get an idea, and I’m off to the races.
Even so, wouldn’t it be easier if, just for today, I told myself what I’d tell my friends?
So here’s what I want to tell you, if you’re feeling discouraged today:
- Keep trying. You have a good idea. You just have to trust yourself.
- Don’t give up. You’ve worked too hard for too long on this project to let a moment of discouragement derail you.
- Believe in yourself. You can do anything you put your mind to, if you just keep going.
And if you still feel discouraged — if the above does not help you, because you’re ill or feeling tired or have physical limitations (all things I completely sympathize with) — I want to tell you this:
I, too, have days where, due to my physical limitations and other health issues, I must rest.
I hate those days, but they are necessary. They recharge my batteries, so I can come back stronger and better, more able to take on the challenges in my current work-in-progress, more willing to keep fighting.
Also, inability is not at all the same thing as unwillingness. It’s one thing to be unable to do something today. It’s another thing to be unwilling to do it.
That’s why I am a big advocate for listening to your body. If it says, “No,” go rest. If it says, “Maybe,” give it a try. You might just surprise yourself.
So, when you need encouragement, refer back to this blog. And remember to treat yourself gently, the way you would a friend.
It might just help you.
Barb Caffrey's Blog 