Archive for the ‘Persistence’ Category
#MondayInspiration: Be Your Best Self
Folks, I continue to struggle with the housing crisis. But I wanted to make sure I wrote a blog today, as it’s Monday…we all need inspiration, and Monday seems to be the best day to put something up that might help someone, somewhere.
“But why, Barb, do you say I should be my best self? How is that inspirational in any way?” you ask.
Um, because being your best self isn’t always easy. Things happen, like my current housing crisis, that can throw you off your game. That makes it harder for you to tap into your creativity, and harder to do anything positive, because it doesn’t seem to matter much anyway.
But it truly does.
When you think your creativity doesn’t matter is precisely when it does. It’s your way of striking back against the darkness in your life. Against the stuff that’s going wrong, that maybe you can’t fix, that maybe you can’t even fathom…it’s your way of saying, “Hey, universe, you may have me by the throat, but you can’t break me.”
Look, folks. The courage to create is often tied up in two things: being willing to look stupid for a teensy bit (in order to get something important out), and knowing that you might well fail time and time again (because only in failure can you find your way through to success). These two things seem antithetical to creativity, but for some reason, they can also be a catalyst if you work it just right.
Yes, it’s paradoxical, that you can use these two things to fuel your creativity and fuel yourself during difficult and stressful times. But it works…it allows you to keep trying, because you aren’t as afraid to look stupid. And it allows you to keep working hard, even knowing that your first, second, third, or even sixty-first attempt might not be what you want…but the sixty-second just might be.
The main thing I want to impress upon you, readers, is this: You have to keep trying. Whatever creative spark that is in you, you need to encourage it to flower. You can’t give up, just because times are hard and bad…you have to do whatever you can, even if it’s very small, even if it seems unimportant, because that’s your way of being your best self.
Or at least your best creative self.
Anyway, what do you do when you feel up against it, and need to create? (Watch cat GIFs?) I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Writing During Stressful Times
Folks, I’m glad I can post something a little happier today.
During all this upheaval, I’ve continued to work on CHANGING FACES, and occasionally, other stories as I’ve had them. (CF is obviously the priority, though.) Sometimes, it’s slow-going. Other times, it flows out like water, and makes so much sense, I look at it and go, “Did I really write that?”
I think we all feel that way, as creative people. Whether you’re a writer, or a musician, or a cake-baker, or any other creative pursuit, there are times when creation is difficult. And there are times when it seemingly comes as easy as breathing.
Right now, I’m dealing with a lot of stress. Yet I must write, and I must finish CF as fast as I can, but also as well as I can. A hasty effort after all this time and energy put in would waste what I’ve done already.
I know what I need to do, you see. These stressful times may slow me up, but damn it, they’re not going to stop me.
So, last night I worked on chapters 46 and 47. And I’m proud of that, as it’s not easy to believe in something better right now…but I did it, and I’m glad.
As for how others get through stressful times in their lives but still write, I don’t know. In the past, I’ve written prose notes (what I think is going on with the story, without dialogue) if I have nothing else, just to make progress; I’ve also looked at the work-in-progress and meditated on what I’ve already done, to remind me that I don’t have to give in to the fear that the stress will keep me from completing my work in a timely fashion.
And sometimes, I go back and read other things I’ve written, just to remind myself I have a long baseline. I’ve created before and will create again, and just because I have an off night or a series of off nights, that does not at all mean I’m done and can’t do anything else, ever. (That is melodrama, and I need to stop that, cold.)
If anyone else has any tips for writing while under great stress, though, I’d love to hear ’em!
A Letter to my Younger Self
I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of writing a letter to my younger self. What would I say, and why?
Now, we all know the answer. Enjoy!
Dear younger Barb,
You’ve probably already figured out that life isn’t exactly a bowl of cherries. But in case you haven’t, let me assure you — it isn’t.
That said, there are very good people you’re going to get to know, including one very special and wonderful man who will be your husband and the other half of your soul. Don’t give up on finding love, whatever you do; you want to find this man, and experience what he has to offer.
Yeah, you’re going to have to kiss a lot of toads before you find him. That’s the tricky thing about love, you see…not everyone is honest about what they want, or what they’re going to want from you. The only way you learn how to fully understand who a person is and what he wants is to experience life in all its glory…and, unfortunately, all of its disaster.
You’re a realist, at this stage of the game, and somewhat of a cynic. (I do remember that much.) You don’t expect anyone to treat you well right now, and you barely believe that you deserve that. This is one reason it takes you extra time to find the right man, and it’s time I wish I could help you short-circuit.
But there’s something about life that must be felt, must be seen, must be shown, or you can’t fully understand the gift you will be given later on.
Lest you think your husband is the only good person in your life — the only extraordinary, one-of-a-kind person, that is — he’s not. You will have female friends to understand you, and a couple of interesting men who also seem to “get” you. Long-term friendships are something you have always valued, and you will indeed have these things.
You may notice I’m not saying much about family concerns. I can’t, because the way I see them and the way you see them may not necessarily make any sense.
And no, that’s not a cop-out. It’s that so many things have happened that I can’t properly explain it in a letter; it’s too complicated.
Will you become the musician you’d always hoped to be? Partly. Your education will stand you in good stead, though, so please don’t think you’re a failure, just because you never get to play Carnegie Hall like you always dreamed.
Will you become the writer you’d always hoped to be? Yes, you will. But not necessarily in the way you’d hoped, at first…(where are those sports-writing gigs, anyway?)
Will you do other things that bring you joy, help you find meaning, and give you serenity? Yes, indeed.
But there will be pain. Lots and lots and lots of it.
Know that your husband, and your friends, and your family, and your strengths and talents and abilities and perseverance will help you rise above it, and give you the ability to keep going.
That’s what matters, in life. Persistence matters just as much as talent does. You have to keep trying. You have to keep living, even though some days are very difficult. (I’ve never believed in lying, and I’m not going to start now.)
So, younger Barb, we’re down to this. The one life lesson I want you to consider, as you continue on your journey.
What can you learn from the pain, in order to better inform your music, writing, and other creativity?
If you can figure that out, you’re going to be a much happier, wiser, and kinder person — and a far less frustrated one, too.
Monday Motivation: Write Your Story — and No One Else’s
Sometimes, when you write, you worry about all sorts of stuff.
Will anyone ever like what I’m doing?
Will what I’m writing make any sense?
And, sometimes, this poisonous, midnight thought creeps in: What if what I write is too much like someone else’s work?
I call that a poisonous midnight thought because it saps your creativity something fierce. It makes you think that what you’re doing isn’t special, or vital, or interesting. And it makes you want to give up.
Want my advice?
Here it is: Don’t.
Refuse to give up. Keep writing, as long as it takes.
Never give up on your stories.
Now, as to why I say this? The simple fact is, you can give ten different writers one story prompt, and end up with ten wildly different stories. They might be in different genres; they might be in different voices; they might be in different time periods, even. So that one story-prompt, which you’d think would lead to a bunch of very similar stories, often leads to anything but.
Why is this?
It’s simple. Every person writes differently. Our minds are all different. Our stories are all different, too. And the way we tell the stories, much less how we tell the stories, is also all different.
That’s why you should not be afraid to write your story. No matter if everyone else has done vampires to death, if your story has a vampire heroine (or villain), go ahead and write it — ’cause it’s still your story, and it’ll be unique because of you.
Or if it’s military science fiction, say…there are a ton of great milSF writers out there, and maybe they’ve written a story very similar to the one you want to write already. But your characters are different, and you are different, too…you have to trust that your story will be different, and that you will not commit unintentional plagiarism.
Now, if you’re truly worried about unintentional plagiarism while you’re writing, just don’t read books in the same genre as the story you’re working on.
I realize this is a hardship, mind. Most of the time, you wouldn’t be writing in the genres you’ve picked unless you truly loved the work of other authors. (Cutting yourself off from these authors is quite difficult, but it’s not forever — it’s just until your own book is done and put to bed.) That helps protect you, and your writing, and may give you some peace of mind.
But if you can’t do that, you need to trust that your story will be different, because it has you at the heart of it rather than Other Writer.
So, please. Do yourself a favor, and set that worry aside. You don’t need it.
All you need is you, your belief in yourself, and enough time to work on your stories. Because they are important, as are you…but you won’t know that until you work through your fears, and just keep going. (Damn the torpedoes, eh?)
Finding Motivation After a Difficult Week
Folks, this past week was extremely difficult.
Why? Well, part of the story — as per usual — is not mine to tell. What I can tell you is that I had a bad allergic reaction and also had to deal with a family health scare…both are resolving well, but at the time they were both major obstacles.
It’s hard to be motivated, after you’ve been run ragged for a week to ten days. (Yes, even for me — “Mrs. Persistence Herself,” one of my friends snickered a few years back — I sometimes run straight on into a brick wall.) Sometimes, all you can do is rest, think about your stories, and prepare to meet your commitments as soon as you can with a whole heart.
“But Barb,” you say. “I thought CHANGING FACES neared completion. Is that what’s getting you down?”
Partly, yes.
I want CHANGING FACES to be done. (I wanted it to be done months ago.) But I also want to put out the best quality book I possibly can, well-edited of course, and readable and interesting. (That the subject matter is a bit controversial — dealing with a male/female couple with both ending up transgender due to a fantasy/spiritual element — only adds a bit of spice to the broth.) I hope people of all sexes, genders, races, political persuasions, etc., will read CHANGING FACES and find some truth in it…because my main, overarching message is that people should see souls. Not bodies.
I want CHANGING FACES to read well as a romance, yes. But I also want it to be something people of all sexes and gender expressions can relate to, because most of us, if we’re honest, feel different. Maybe we’re not as different as Elaine is at the start of CHANGING FACES, as we’re not transgender/gender-fluid. (By the way, language is evolving on this issue. In a year or two, it’s very possible people may just say “gender fluid” for someone like Elaine. I hate to have to point this out, but not everyone reads the time/date stamp on blog posts, and some, when you use “inappropriate” or less than up-to-the-minute terminology, jump to conclusions and assume you’re trying to be disrespectful. But that’s another subject for another day.) But we all do have some difference, something that makes us unique and interesting…something that makes us, at least at times, wonder if we will ever be understood by anyone, loved one or no.
It’s all of this that gives me motivation despite an incredibly difficult and taxing week.
I don’t know if the way my mind works is similar to any other writer’s mind on the planet, of course. But my own mind does work this way, and it’s telling me now to do two things:
- Rest, dammit!
- After you’ve rested, get up and work on CHANGING FACES.
So, that’s what I intend to do.
Thanks for staying along for the ride, and do let me know what you think in the comments, if you are so inclined.
An Overall Update (Mostly About “Changing Faces”)
Folks, every so often, I like to give you an update as to what I’m doing and how well (or poorly) I’m doing it.
And as I’ve had numerous questions as to when CHANGING FACES will come out, I figured I’d best get something up to let you know what’s going on there.
As most of you know, CHANGING FACES was put into the Twilight Times Books Summer catalogue, so the assumption is that I will be able to get it out — at least in e-book — before September 20, 2016 (the very tail-end of summer). Progress has been slow, but steady…overall, I think I will get CF out by September 20, providing my publisher likes my final version, but it’s going to continue to take much thought, time, and energy in order to do this.
(Yes, that’s the main reason why I haven’t blogged much, and it’s definitely the major reason as to why I haven’t written a book review for Shiny Book Review in many months. But I digress.)
As for everything else…my living situation is exactly the same. (I call it “limbo.”) I still can’t talk much about it because much of this particular story is not mine to tell…but I’m looking into all options, in order to avoid imminent distress.
(Yes, this same situation has been going on for four solid months. No, it’s not easy for me to deal with. Yes, I wish I had better options than the ones currently on the table, or I’d have found a way out of this mess. But again, I digress.)
And I’ve edited another book this month, which I hope to tell you about in a few weeks.
As for my own, personal projects — I hope to have an independent Elfyverse novella, “Trouble with Elfs,” out in a couple of weeks. (I’ll talk more about that later.) I have been stalled out on the next Joey Maverick novella, tentatively titled “On Bubastis,” for over a year, but it’s still in the pipeline. I have started outlining a prequel novel, THE QUEST FOR COLUMBA, in my late husband Michael B. Caffrey’s Columba Chronicles universe, but with everything else on my plate, it may not be ready until December — and that’s only if some of the other issues on the table resolve by then.
So, I continue to do the best I can. That, ultimately, is all I can do.
Anyway, blogs will probably continue to be slow, though I do have a couple of guest writers coming over in September to keep y’all amused. And I do hope to get a few book reviews done soon…but CHANGING FACES remains the priority.
Hope you all are doing well, and would enjoy hearing what you and yours are up to, if you feel like discussing it.
Today Is My Sixth Blog-i-versary…
Folks, I didn’t want this day to go by without commenting, ’cause today is my sixth blog-i-versary — or sixth year since starting my blog on 7/10/2010.
How time flies when you’re having fun, hm?
I started my blog partly because I wanted people to know that I’m out here — that I exist, that I write, that I comment, that I edit, and that I was doing my best to affect the outcome in those areas.
Along the way, I’ve managed to do a few important things. So, in no particular order, here they are:
First, I regained the full use of my hands due to several rounds of occupational therapy, and started playing in concert bands again as a saxophonist and clarinetist.
Second, I rejoined the Racine Concert Band in 2012.
Third, I finally saw the publication of the Elfy duology as AN ELFY ON THE LOOSE (2014) and A LITTLE ELFY IN BIG TROUBLE (2015).
Fourth, CHANGING FACES nears completion and will be out hopefully by the end of the summer.
Fifth, I’ve made new friends, encouraged old ones, and have managed to get several of Michael’s stories back out and available (including “Columba and the Cat” and the two Joey Maverick stories, “A Dark and Stormy Night” and “On Westmount Station”)…plus, I wrote a story around a 2,000 word fragment of my husband’s that I called “To Survive the Maelstrom.”
(BTW, that fifth one is something you should keep an eye on, as I’m going to have a promotion later this week about it. In honor of my sixth blog-i-versary, “To Survive the Maelstrom” will be free on Amazon for five days, from July 14 to July 18, 2016.)
I’ve also edited many books, have joined Marketing for Romance Writers, Exquisite Quills, and ASMSG, have met many interesting people in and out of the book world…and have sustained some lasting losses, too, including the death of my best friend Jeff Wilson in 2011.
The song that comes to mind, right now, is Genesis’s “Home by the Sea.” Some of the lyrics speak to me at times like this, such as “images of sorrow, pictures of delight. Things that go to make up a life…”
That’s where I am, on my sixth blog-i-versary.
Thanks for sharing the ride, and do stay tuned…you never know what might happen here at the Elfyverse. (Could “Trouble with Elfs” be on the way as an e-book? One can only hope…)
My Patreon Update…and Other Stuff
Folks, I’m glad to have finally written an update…and it’s up at my Patreon page.
What’s Patreon, you ask? It’s a place where you can support writers, artists, musicians, or other creative types…it’s a very old idea done in a very new, 21st Century way.
I know I’ve been very behindhand on explaining what’s going on. There’s a reason for that. If I think too much about the circumstances that surround me — the fact that my living situation is not fully under my control, and that I am unable to affect the outcome very much at all — I can’t create. And that would be lethal, especially as I grow closer to completing CHANGING FACES at long last…I have to get that book done, there’s no two ways about it.
So, I’m going to cut and paste from my own post at Patreon, that I just put up less than fifteen minutes ago:
Unfortunately, since I last posted, very little has changed. My living situation — it’s hard to know what I can say about it, because I’m not the only one affected, but suffice it to say that from day to day I barely know where I’m going to be. This is frustrating and confusing, and it’s not exactly conducive to creativity.
As for how I’m doing/feeling? I fight exhaustion. I fight the feeling of inertia, of nothing changing, of still being in a reasonably unstable situation and being almost completely unable to affect it…and it’s extremely frustrating and disquieting.
I know that I’m doing everything I possibly can to positively affect this outcome. As I said at my long-delayed update over at Patreon, I have edited five books in the last two-plus months, and I’ve written 20,000 words. These are good things, and I’m proud of these accomplishments.
In addition, I played a concert on Sunday night with the Racine Concert Band at the Racine Zoo (though I wasn’t able to play the parade, alas, on Monday as I’d planned). We had an enthusiastic crowd, as we always do — free summer concerts have resumed, and will be held at the Zoo every Sunday night at 7:30 in July, and at 7:00 in August (through August 14, 2016).
I’m not able to play at the same level I could years ago, mind, but I can still play well most of the time. I’d prefer to have some solos now and again, but that rarely happens…still, I’m glad to be able to play, and I think I add something, even when I’m playing the second part and it seems like no one pays attention to me being there besides my stand-partner.
So, I’m trying. I have a temporary situation, and am trying to look on the bright side. (Though sometimes I want to kick whoever started that whole idea squarely in the nether region. Why can’t we admit just for one minute that things are bleak, but we’re going to do our best every day anyway?)
I do know that life can change, sometimes on what seems to be an instant. And it’s very possible that all the hard work I’ve done will lead to something much better…my husband believed that, my best friend Jeff Wilson believed that, too, and my friends now firmly believe that as well.
Who am I to say they’re wrong?
Anyway, if you want to help support me get through this rough patch, you can go to my Patreon page and make a pledge…or, if you wish to support me privately, let me know and I’ll give you my PayPal address. (And thank you very much for even considering this oblique request. It truly is the best I can do right now.)
A Sunday Thought…and a Thought
Folks, when I woke up earlier today, I thought hard about life. About what my place in the world is (nay, bigger than that — the entire universe!), and whether or not what I’m doing is my best course of action.
Then I snorted, sat up, and started laughing in near-hysteria.
I’m a writer. An editor. A musician. A scholar of arcane disciplines, and a student of history. Also a daughter, a friend, a colleague…
And, of course, the widow of Michael B. Caffrey.
This last is my most precious joy, not because of the widow part — far, far from it! — but because Michael was the most amazing person I have ever had the privilege to behold. He was funny, smart, self-educated, gifted at many things, and a person of remarkable wit and consequence. Michael mattered so very much; what had formed him, what had shaped him, into the man I feel in my heart was firmly destined to be my husband and other half of my soul interested me greatly.
Because we didn’t have that much time together, there are some things I will never know from his perspective. (I have picked up on some additional things since his untimely passing from his sister, his nieces, a few of his friends, and his ex-wife, who was possibly his very best friend in all the world besides myself.) But one thing I do know…Michael was special, and important, and being with him was worth every last bit of pain I’ve suffered since his untimely passing.
Much less the pain I endured before I ever met him, as I’d been previously — and quite unhappily — married before I had the privilege to meet him.
I mention all of that because it’s important to me. Important enough that I’m willing to put it out there, for all to see, in a format that will last as long as the Internet does…and perhaps longer.
But perhaps that seems obvious to you. If you’ve been here before, you know this about me by now; I have suffered, but I have learned, and I have been deeply loved. These things cannot help but mark a person. And in this case, I hope they have made me a better person.
That said, I can’t help but reflect on how life, all in all, marks us. We are all the sum total of our experiences. If we are wise, and learn from our mistakes — and celebrate our joys, no matter how brief and evanescent they may be — we may become our best selves, and worthy of the highest love our species can bestow.
This Sunday, I want you to consider your own highest gifts and blessings. From where did they spring? What are you doing with them, now, and what will you do with them in the future?
Now, as for the additional thought…this was my original post on the subject at Facebook, a few short minutes ago (if you want to read my public posts at Facebook, go here):
One of my best friends just pointed out that everything in life, good and bad, is a learning experience. As a writer, I tend to observe much, even when I don’t seem to be taking it in…the hope is that it gives my stories more weight, as I can’t help but do it anyway.
That said, as I’m in the month of June — my wedding anniversary rapidly approaches, the 14th (and 12th without my beloved husband by my side), I marvel at the changes life has brought. Some have been horrible. Some have been remarkably good.
But to get to Michael, to be with him, to hear him laugh and to create works with him was my most precious joy. I’d not change any of that for the world.
Thus are today’s Sunday thoughts.
Any questions?
Barb Caffrey's Blog 