Archive for the ‘Persistence’ Category
It’s My Seventh Blog-i-versary Today — and Lucky Number Seven Starts…Now
Folks, where has the time gone?
Just a minute ago, it seems, I started my blog back in 2010. A good friend of mine suggested I start writing one as a way to announce myself to the universe — granted, that is not at all how he’d have put it, I’m sure — and another friend agreed, adding that a writer needs a platform. May as well make one for yourself, right?
Sometimes it’s not been easy to blog. When my best friend Jeff Wilson died in 2011, I was bereft. I didn’t know what to say, what to do, how to act, any of it. That I couldn’t get to his funeral devastated me, and in some ways, I wonder if I’ll ever forgive myself for that.
(The money was not there. No, I didn’t want to start a GoFundMe for that, not then. I didn’t think Jeff would approve.)
There have been good times, though. I’ve met some great friends, blogging and spending time online. I’ve also met a wide variety of writers, and more than a few editors; all of that has added richness and value to myself beyond anything I could’ve imagined back in 2010.
I’ve talked about many things: Sports. Politics. Fine Arts, including music and writing. My books. Other people’s books. Observations about life, the universe, and everything (with all apologies to the late Douglas Adams)…some editing tips…lots of other stuff, too, way too much to list.
Blogging has indeed given me more of a voice. And I’m grateful for that.
(Now if I could just get folks to go check out my books and stories, I’d be content. But I’ll keep working on that.)
Anyway, this is the seventh anniversary of my blog, thus, my seventh “blog-i-versary.” I hope you’ve enjoyed it, and that you’ll stay tuned for whatever comes next.
(Hey, I’m not sure, either. So we’ll learn it together?)
Before I go, I wanted to ask y’all: Which blog of all I’ve written is your favorite, and why?
And a second question: What would you like me to write about next?
(Tell me about it in the comments, and I’ll consider it. Honest.)
Mistakes? Or Stepping Stones?
Folks, have you ever wondered if mistakes are merely stepping stones?
And the worse the mistake, the bigger the stepping stone?
I know most of us (myself included) tend to think a mistake is a life-altering event that you can’t go back from. You’re not the same person as before you made the mistake, and you don’t know what you’re going to do. Sometimes you don’t have any good choices, and that’s frustrating in the extreme.
But I’m here to tell you that I’ve rebounded from most of my past mistakes. They did turn out to be stepping stones, though I didn’t necessarily know that at the time. And I learned from them, and became a more informed person (if not always a wiser one).
Consider that when you write, sometimes you have to tear up a whole chapter, maybe even start over ten or fifteen or more times before you get a sentence right. (Or a paragraph, or a story, etc.) A start is just that: a start. It doesn’t have to lead where you think it’s going to lead, not and still be worthwhile to you.
Life is like that, too.
If you’d have told me after I fought so hard to get my two college degrees in music that I’d end up as an independent writer and editor, I’d probably have looked at you like you had two heads. I’d planned my whole life to be a performing musician, and to teach music. That’s what I wanted to do from the time I turned ten years old, and I worked really hard to do just that.
But life threw me a few curveballs, and so, here I am.
And as my character Bruno says (in the as-yet unpublished AN ELFY ABROAD), “I am who I am. I refuse to apologize for it.”
My mistakes did turn out to be stepping stones, for the most part. The ruins of my first two marriages were necessary so I could find the right guy, at long last, and build a strong and sturdy marriage that satisfied me in all senses. (That it ended too soon, because he died too young, is not Michael’s fault. Nor mine, but I digress.) And my hands not allowing me to become the musician I had dreamed of becoming turned my creativity in an alternate direction.
Maybe, had I not gone in this direction, I wouldn’t know the writers, editors, and yes, the musicians I know now. Maybe, just maybe, I’d not have learned as much about life either.
And I can’t be unhappy with any of that, even though my life in a lot of ways didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped.
(Maybe it’s the same with you.)
Anyway, just the thought that your mistakes might someday turn out to be stepping stones may do you some good today. Because mistakes aren’t always as bad as they seem. They often can lead to good outcomes, even if you can’t see it now; even if it makes no sense; and even if you have to fight like Hell to get there.
For one moment, try to step outside yourself and treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. Be kind, be compassionate, and give yourself a break.
That way, you can accept what comes, and keep fighting.
For a creative person (writer, musician, editor, or what-you-will), that’s the only way to live.
Time Waits for No One…
Folks, I’ve had it up to here with mortality.
I’ve lost my husband. I’ve lost my best friend. I’ve lost my grandmother, my uncles, my aunt, and numerous other good friends way too early.
But I’m not the only one.
Other friends of mine have lost sisters, mothers, fathers, brothers, best friends, you name it.
We’re all here for a short time. I’m not entirely sure what we’re supposed to do with that time, other than love one another and develop our gifts and talents as much as we possibly can.
So please, remember that time doesn’t wait for anyone.
That’s why you have to make the most of today.
Don’t wait. Use your talents, use your mind and heart and body and spirit, and cherish your family, your friends, and all your loved ones as much as you possibly can.
Do everything you can to make a positive difference, while you still have time. Don’t let anyone put you off; don’t let anyone tell you that the small things you can do on your own won’t ever matter.
Because that is a lie. And you need to remember that.
Mind you, there’s a lot about life that really frustrates me. But one thing I know is true:
Time waits for no one.
So do your best today. Love your best today. Create your best today.
And never stop trying, loving, or creating. (Because the day you stop is the day you lose. Guaranteed.)
Summer Approaches…How to Get Your Writing in Anyway
The summer rapidly approaches. We creative types are going to have to fight against the hot weather, sandy beaches, and the urge to go on vacation in addition to all the other stuff that gets in the way of writing and/or creating.
So, what’s to do?
Here’s a few strategies that may help you continue to work on your writing and/or other creative activities, in no particular order:
Write when you get up.
This particular idea sounds a bit antithetical, especially to me, because I hate mornings. (I am a well-known night owl who may as well have been born a vampire, as that way I’d have a very good reason not to like mornings.) But even I have occasionally managed to write in the morning; the trick here is, if you wake up with a strong idea, don’t wait around.
Just start writing, and see where your imagination takes you.
Write in the in-between times.
You know how, in every busy day, there are a few “in-between” times? Like when you’re waiting to go in for a doctor’s appointment, or when you’re waiting for a bridge to go up (I live on a city with many waterways, so that’s a real concern here), or when you’re just waiting, period?
Bring a pad with you. It can be a tablet, an old-fashioned wired notebook, or anything else…the important thing here is, you jot down some notes about your writing if you get one during one of these in-between times, so you don’t forget.
Write after dinner.
So, you’ve gotten through your busy day. (Or you gave in, went to the beach, swam and biked and ran around — or at least sunned yourself for a while.) You’re back home, you’ve just had your late meal, and you’re getting a bit tired.
Push that tiredness to the side as best you can, and go write for a bit.
.The trick here is, just give yourself the permission to write. Do whatever you can to get that writing and/or creative activity in, and you’ll find a way to get it done.
(You just have to trust me on this. OK?)
What do you do to get your writing in during the summer? Tell me about it in the comments!
Writing, Hand Issues, and More Frustration…
Folks, you probably have noticed that I haven’t written a blog in nearly a week.
There is a reason for that. Three of them, to be exact: Hand issues. Frustration. And lots of editing.
My writing has taken a big-time backseat to all of this.
Now, as for the hand issues? I have tendinitis in both hands and wrists. (Until recently, I was told this was carpal tunnel syndrome, but now, the diagnosis has been revised.) Typing is painful at the moment. Using my arms at all is painful, too. I’m going to hand therapy, using heat, ultrasound, and doing various exercises, all so I can continue to use my hands as best I can.
Why am I so worried about my hands? (This may seem basic, but please bear with me.) Without my hands, I can’t work. As being an editor pays most of my bills, I need to do this despite the pain.
That’s why writing, for the moment, is taking a backseat, even though I don’t like it much. I just can’t concentrate on my stories right now, because everything I’ve got is going either into the hand therapy, my editing, or just living day-to-day life.**
In addition, I have another concert to play in a week and a half with the Racine Concert Band as a saxophonist. My part won’t be very difficult; I will have no solos, I will not have any exposed parts, and I will be someone that most people won’t even realize is playing. Yet the conductor and other members of the band would notice if I didn’t show up, and thus I’m going to go and do my best.
Even though it hurts.
I’ve persisted through a lot in my life. I’ve endured divorces, deaths, health problems, financial distress, floods, earthquakes, and probably a number of other things I’m forgetting right now. So you can assume I’m going to persist through this obstacle, too.
Do I wish things were easier right now? You’d better believe it.
But I’m glad I can still type. I’m glad that I can still play my saxophone, even if it’s not at the level I want, even if I don’t have solos anymore, even if for the most part I’ll probably never again be someone most people in the crowd think about when they go see a concert.
I’m doing what I can. I have to take comfort in that.
No matter how frustrating I find this situation to be, I will not give up.
I just have to pick and choose my spots for a while. That’s all.
——
**Note that I am still thinking about my stories. I have written down some prose notes. I have talked with other writers, and am doing what I can to re-read the works in progress, and keep going as best I can with my thought process overall. I know that my mind never stops working, so maybe being hindered will eventually produce some better, richer, deeper stories…one can only hope, right?
How to Wait Out “Life, Interrupted”
Folks, I continue to be in a holding pattern due to what I’m going to call “life, interrupted.” As there’s a lot of stuff going on here that I can’t talk about, I’d rather talk about my coping strategies to deal with all the stress (the “life, interrupted” stuff), in the hopes that if one of you ever has a similar situation, maybe you’ll remember that you’re not alone.
I want to write every day. Most of the time, I have a lot of other stuff to do, including editing, trying to help family, supporting friends, taking care of my health, and so forth. Writing is very important, so when all these other things crowd it out during a crisis, I get extremely frustrated because I’m not able to do very much due to the circumstances at hand.
What do I do to try to combat this frustration?
Mostly, I wait it out. Once the stressful situation passes, I can do more.
But how I wait it out may be of interest.
If I get a story idea, I write it down. I write down whatever I have, which usually is the idea itself, maybe a bit of dialogue or description, and a potential title. These things help me go back and figure out what it was that so captivated me, and actually work on it later.
In addition, I think a lot about my stories. I don’t just say, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Instead, I think about what I want to do next. What seems to be going on with my stories. What needs to be done, and how am I going to go about doing it?
So I at least stay in the mental frame of mind that I need to be in, hoping I can get a few minutes here or there to work on it.
Finally, I try to be good to myself and realize I’m not staying away from my writing because I’m slow, stupid, or anything like that. It’s that I truly am under stress and just cannot devote enough time to get writing done at such a time. (Big stressors include people in the hospital, myself undergoing medical tests, being sick to the point all I can do is sleep, etc.)
Why do I mention the last part? Because I really hate not doing anything. It annoys me something fierce.
But sometimes, the best thing you do to help yourself is to rest. Once you rest, you should have enough energy to do what needs to be done…and at the top of the list for any writer (not just me) is writing.
My view is simple: If you need to rest, do it. If you are under stress, admit it. And if you can do anything about your writing at such a time, including planning, thinking hard about what to do next, or actually getting some words written, count that as a major victory.
And then, when the big stressor passes (as big stressors invariably do, one way or another), get back to work on your work(s)-in-progress.
That’s what works for me.
So, what works for you as a coping strategy to deal with stress? Tell me about it in the comments!
When Life Gives You Lemons…
You all know the saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade?”
Sometimes, that lemonade can be sour, even bitter to the taste. But eventually, you will learn to tolerate that taste…and you might even begin to crave it.
Why?
Because it means you’re still trying. It means you haven’t given up. It means you know, deep down in your soul, you are doing everything in your power you can to make the world a better place.
You might be wondering what brought this on.
I’ve been dealing with a family health crisis this past week, and I’ve been running back and forth to the hospital. While I’d rather be doing just about anything else, I’m very glad to do this.
Why?
It means my family member is still alive, still fighting, getting better and doing whatever is possible to improve her health.
That’s a good thing.
See, the connections I have with my family and friends are essential. I want them to be happy, healthy, and to enjoy life to the fullest.
But no one can do that while sitting in a hospital bed.
Even though this week didn’t go at all according to plan, I’m glad that I was able to do something to try to help those who are important to me.
One final thought:
Sometimes, it feels like we’re not doing very much during a crisis. This is very human, but somehow we need to throw those feelings to the side.
Why?
Because self-forgiveness — which I’ve discussed before — is essential at times like this. We are not saints, and we can’t expect ourselves to act as if we are. All we can do is be ourselves, try our best, and do whatever we can to make life a little better place.
Including visiting those who are ill (if they’re up to visits), talking with them, and letting them know we care.
That’s what’s important.
Don’t lose sight of it. (Please?)
Dealing with Disappointment, Part the Nth
Folks, I know I’ve written about dealing with disappointment before. It’s one of those fundamental things that everyone has to face from time to time; we will be disappointed in something, even if it’s something tangential to us like the performance of our favorite sports team. (I’m looking at you, Milwaukee Brewers.)
Right now, I’m feeling discouraged, disappointed, however you want to put it, in nearly every aspect. And it’s hard to create that way; it’s hard to even function.
My energy level is not there, and I’m fighting hard to get it back. (Yes, my doctor knows about this. I get to see her soon.) My drive is not there, either…it’s almost as if I’m having a life crisis (I won’t say “mid-life crisis,” as I have no idea how long anyone will live, much less me).
So, what can I do about it?
Mostly, I remind myself that today may be bad, yesterday may have been bad, too, but tomorrow can still be different.
Yeah, I may never be known as a writer. (I knew that when I got into this field.) All I can do is control what I can, which is to write the books I feel compelled to write, keep working on my craft, and hope I touch at least a few folks with my stories so they’ll maybe remember them past the moment they’re read and consumed.
So, even though today’s one of those days that turning my face to the wall seems like the right action, I’m not going to do it.
Nope.
Instead, I’m going to keep trying, even if it’s slow; even if I have to rest more; even if I need to take more breaks; even if I have to adjust my diet again and cut out every processed food (I hope I don’t have to go that far, but it may come to that)…and I’m going to try to keep my friends in the loop, ’cause that’s important.
So, I deal with disappointment, roughly, by trying to get through it and remembering we all have days like this.
And so long as I keep trying, I cannot fail…because I refuse to allow myself to fail.
How do you deal with it? What tips and tricks would you like to share?
Tell me in the comments.
Collaboration with a Purpose: Losing My Husband Changed Everything
Folks, I’m one of ten bloggers talking about various forms of loss today in Collaboration with a Purpose.
Blogger Tajwarr Fatma (of https://lifeaswehaveneverknownit.wordpress.com) came up with this idea (do visit her blog, OK?), and our joint purpose is to try to help others by letting them know they aren’t alone. We all have to deal with significant losses at some point, and the thought was that ten different bloggers might have ten different takes on the subject.
The theme is loss. How did you overcome it? How did you deal with it?
My topic is how I continue to deal with the catastrophic loss of my late husband Michael. He died in 2004, but without his influence on my life, and without the love he shared with me, I doubt I’d still be trying to make it as an author.
Why?
Michael was the most positive person I’ve ever been around, and he made me believe that I could do anything I put my mind to…I just had to keep after it, and keep trying, and not stop until the wall fell down, that’s all.
So, one day, I had the best and most supportive husband on the planet, someone who understood me and appreciated me and was into me, a wonderful and giving and caring man who also wrote and edited and was creative.
And the next, well, he had four massive heart attacks in one day over the course of ten hours. He couldn’t survive that, and he died.
His loss was devastating.
Even now, after so many years, I don’t have the words to express just how incalculable the loss of my husband actually was. Michael was my rock, my soul mate, and often my co-writer, and when he was with me, I felt whole. Loved. Understood. Appreciated for myself. And valued, not because I was a writer or a musician or anything, but because I was and am myself.
Michael even understood my health issues, and helped me work through them, so I could get more done with less wasted energy and effort.
When he died, all of that went away.
Or did it?
See, how I deal with Michael’s loss every day is to think about how much I love him.
Still. Always. Forever.
I love that man, and I feel his love for me, and it helps me go on.
No, he’s not here to make me dinners, or give me a backrub, or complain about politics (we both loved to do this), or come up with new stories, or edit anything I’ve got going, or help share the load with regards to paying work.
But his influence continues. I keep trying. I remember. I know how he felt about me. And it makes a difference.
In this life, I’ve met only a handful of people who truly have understood me, but none have understood me as well as Michael. He was my best friend, my everything…and all I can do to keep going is to tell myself that someday, in the positive afterlife (whatever shape or form that takes), I’ll see him again. And when I do, I want him to recognize me, and to know that I’m still the same person.
See, I can either celebrate his life, and do the best I can, or I can turn my face to the wall. I don’t see any benefit to turning my face to the wall, so I keep trying.
But yeah, some days, I do look at that wall, and say, “Hmm. Maybe today, I will stop trying.” Then I shake myself into sense, think, “Nah,” and go on and do what I was going to do anyway.
That’s what I learned from Michael. Accept that you feel lousy. Know why you feel terrible, even. But do what you were going to do anyway.
If it takes a little longer because of health issues or whatnot, so what? Keep going, keep trying, and do the best you can.
So, if you’re dealing with a significant loss like the loss of your husband, or a treasured friend, or someone you cared about deeply, try to be good to yourself. Realize there will be good days and bad days.
And most importantly, don’t listen to other people if they tell you that you’ve grieved long enough. It’s not up to them; it’s up to you what you do. If you need to grieve until you feel like you can take a step forward, you need to listen to yourself and do what you feel is right.
Just do your best. That’s all you can do.
But know that you aren’t alone. There are others on the same path as you, even if not at the same time, even if not in the exact same way.
As Buddha said (an apocryphal story, granted), there’s no one who’s not known loss. Every single person has known it, in one way or another.
May we use that knowledge to make us wiser, more compassionate, and more caring, eh?
Now, go take a look at the other bloggers’ takes on the same subject, will you?
SADAF SIDDIQUI
https://heartattachsite.wordpress.com
ADDISON D’MARKO
http://addisondmarko.com
AJIBOLA SUNDAY
https://ajibolasunday.wordpress.com
IPUNA BLACK
http://Ipunablack.com
ALTEA ADDISON
https://addisoniswriting.wordpress.com
JOTHISH JOSEPH
https://Jothishjoseph.wordpress.com
JANE LOVE
http://harmoniousjoy.com/
NICOLLE
https://storiesofahsi.wordpress.com
#SundayBlogShare: When Writing Is Like Gardening…
Folks, I recently took part in the Authors in Bloom blog hop, where the subject was either gardening or recipes. I talked about how I don’t garden (because I’m bad at gardening), but that got me to thinking…isn’t writing like gardening, too?
Think about it for a moment.
In farming, you get your plot of land, and you make sure it’s fertilized before you plant anything. Then you put your initial seeds in the ground and wait.
But in writing, this is when inspiration strikes, or when you first get an idea you can’t ignore. You get as much down as you can, knowing tomorrow you will keep building on your idea as you see fit.
So, you have to water, nurture, and weed your garden, just as you have to water, nurture, and weed your writing. (The weeding, in this case, would be self-editing.) Both are long-term projects that require a great deal of time, effort, and understanding in order to get anything done, and if you make a big enough mistake, your garden (or your writing) will not turn out the way you’d hoped.
Fortunately, you can correct your big mistakes with some forethought, nine times out of ten. And that tenth time, where you can’t, you can use for future reference as a guidepost of “what not to do,” so you still get something out of the experience…albeit not what you’d hoped for in the first place.
But life is like that, isn’t it? We don’t always get what we’d planned on. (In fact, we get what we’d planned on so rarely, it’s a miracle any of us still plan. But I digress.) We have to roll with the punches, whether it’s too much rain (too many distractions or life-interruptions), too little rain (not enough time for ourselves, maybe), too much fertilizer (we edited too much out), too little fertilizer (we haven’t edited enough)…the list goes on and on.
How do we grow anything worth eating, then? (Or how do we write anything readable?)
I think it’s a matter of trial and error on the one hand, and sheer bloody-mindedness on the other. We keep working at it until we find a process that seems to make sense, and then we go with that. And if one way doesn’t work, try, try, try again until you find a way that does.
That, to my mind, is how gardening and writing are alike.
What d’you think? Tell me about it in the comments!
Barb Caffrey's Blog 