Archive for the ‘Prescient observations’ Category
Sick, but the Book Promo for CHANGING FACES goes on…
Folks, I’ve just spent the last seventy-two hours in Hell.
(Or at least it seems like it.)
Why? I have the flu. I got it because one of the other musicians had it in the band when we played our concert last week…no one else appears to have gotten it but me, but my symptoms are the same ones my bandmate had down to the letter.
Flu means fevers. I rarely get them. So that means I can’t think well when I have them. (I can get around some illnesses or ailments because I’m used to them, but not this, in other words.) And I’ve spent much of the last seventy-two hours with a fever over 102 F.
So what am I doing now? I’m trying to let you know that CHANGING FACES is still out there. I think my book is important, especially now; love is love, and it doesn’t matter much what your outer shell is, providing your soul calls to someone else’s.
I’m fortunate in that I am heterosexual and all of my loved ones have been men. Society understands this, for the most part, and I’m grateful for it.
I wish society would get with the program and realize that gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, gender-fluid, queer, and any other flavor you might want to come up with all have the right to find someone they love, too, providing it’s consensual, preferably monogamous, and always, always life-affirming.
That is one of the main reasons I stuck with CHANGING FACES, and why I am glad it’s available to be read right now.
Folks, here are the guest blogs that I didn’t get a chance to tell you about, due to being sick:
https://plugyourbook.wordpress.com/2017/02/23/chapter-reveal-changing-faces-by-barb-caffrey/
This is the first chapter of CHANGING FACES. If you haven’t read it yet, here’s a good, quick, free place for you to do so.
And here’s another link that also gives you access to the first chapter (hey, if one doesn’t work, another should, though I tested both links and found them good):
http://readmyfirstchapter.blogspot.be/2017/02/chapter-reveal-changing-faces-by-barb.html
And then, there was the one about my route to publication, which you may find interesting…here’s that link:
http://publishingsecretsofauthors.blogspot.be/2017/02/book-publishing-secrets-with-barb.html
And here’s a bit from that:
Q: What’s the best advice you can give to aspiring authors?
Barb: Keep writing. Work hard. Network with other writers. Find out about writing groups that might be able to help you, such as Critters.org, the Forward Motion Writers Community (fmwriters.com), or join other groups focused on marketing like Marketing for Romance Writers (you do not have to be a romance writer to join, mind) or Exquisite Quills, and learn all you can about the business as a whole.
I’d also advise you to read as many different blogs as you can about the business and craft of writing. The blogs I recommend the most include KrisWrites.com (this is the blog of Kristin Kathryn Rusch, a long-time SF&F writer and editor), the Passive Voice, the Mad Genius Club, Amanda Green’s writing blog, and a whole host of others of various political persuasions. Try not to get too hung up about whether this one’s a Libertarian or this one over here is a liberal Democrat; instead, figure out if this person understands the craft of writing (or the craft of self-editing) and keep following along. Maybe you’ll find one thing of interest in a year—but that one thing can change your perspective and help you.
And best of all, these websites are all free! (How great is that?)
So, there you have it. Please go look at these blogs, and then go get yourself a copy of CHANGING FACES…it’s still only ninety-nine cents as an e-book, and it’s available in a number of places. (Ready? Set? Um, go…?)
Barnes & Noble
Amazon:
USA – UK – CA – AUS – IN
Thoughts about Transgender Bathroom Rights, and Newest Guest Blog
Folks, some days I just get so frustrated, I want to scream.
Why? Well, today’s news is that the Trump Administration apparently wants to rescind the Obama Administration directive regarding transgender students and bathrooms. The Obama directive more or less said that transgender students should be able to use the bathroom that suits their own, internalized gender; the Trump directive, which appears to be imminent, would rescind this directive and make trans students use the bathroom their outward gender would dictate instead.
This is incredibly annoying in many ways.
First, a young person who already identifies as being in the wrong body for their psyche is not looking to “convert” anyone. They just want to use a bathroom that makes sense to them.
Second, a young person who feels like he or she is in the wrong body already needs all the help he or she can get to figure out himself/herself. Being able to use the restroom that he or she identifies with is an easy thing to do to help, and preventing that person from using that same restroom just helps isolate that person even further.
So how does rescinding the Obama directive help anything?
The only point the people on the right who are in favor of rescinding Obama’s directive (which, fortunately, are not that many) have seemed to say is, “Well, this way, boys can’t use female restrooms by pretending to be girls!”
My answer? If these overly-concerned people really believe young men, already an angst-filled subset of the population, are going to suddenly identify as female to use female bathrooms, that is just silly.
(A young man who does that deserves what he gets, in other words.)
Anyway, I’m a straight woman. I’ve never dated a woman, never kissed one either, and never plan to do so — I am attracted to men. But that does not mean I don’t understand how stupid this is.
So, compared to that, my latest guest blog, about my route to publication, seems very small. But as I’m the writer of a book about two troubled souls who both end up transgender (and stay very much in love with each other), CHANGING FACES, I figured I’d let you know what I think.
And even though it is a very small thing in context, do, please, take a look at my newest guest blog. I think you’ll enjoy it.
Who knows? Maybe it’ll remind you that trans people are just like anyone else.
Because they are.
#MondayMotivation: Write for You
Folks, I’m going to take a time-out on my book promotion activities with regards to CHANGING FACES (if you want a copy, just follow the pages backward and you’ll be able to get one) and talk about one of the things that motivates me, it being Monday and all.
So, without further ado…what motivates Barb Caffrey as a writer?
So many things, actually. I want to tell stories with heart, that matter, that feel real, that have empathy, that maybe shed light on the human condition in new ways…of course, all of that sounds quite profound, doesn’t it?
Really, I write for me.
(Picture my big, evil grin here.)
Seriously. I write for me. I’ve done this since I was small, on and off…I wanted to read stories that I didn’t see anywhere, but knew had power and resonance. And the only way to read those stories, under the circumstances, was to find a way to write them myself.
I think a lot of writers are that way, actually. We have a need to read stories that aren’t out there yet. We get a germ of an idea, and we keep going until the idea is finished.
Yeah, it seems to take me longer than some novelists to finish my ideas. (If I had to judge myself against my friend Chris Nuttall, for example, and how fast he can write a novel, I’d quail at ever writing another word.) But I’m not the only one out there who takes a bit of time with a concept to get it right.
For example, I know two writers very well who have had to take long periods of time to finish a novel, albeit for different reasons. In one case, my friend needed to take time out for health concerns, but she had a third novel in her in a series and she wanted to tell it. It took her a number of extra years to do this, but she didn’t let her health concerns defeat her; in the end, her novel was published, to wide acclaim, and now there is hope that she’ll have a fourth book (or at least novelette) in the series available soon.
In the other, my friend tried for years to get his novel to come clear for him, but for whatever reason it didn’t quite feel right. He published several other things, including a couple of acclaimed short stories and several co-written novels along with some other solo works, but he kept coming back to this particular novel because he needed to tell that story and wanted to get it right. And now, that book is out, and he’s got a contract for a couple more in the series, with readers saying, “More, please…” and not understanding he has a day job.
But I digress.
Or am I?
This is Monday Motivation, after all, and me talking about two of my friends and how they’ve persisted in telling the stories they need to tell does matter. They didn’t give up, and they got out books that readers love, that are helping to build their names and careers, and are continuing on with their efforts to write more stories that they absolutely have a burning need to tell.
Good for them.
I know I have tried to do that, too. The Elfy novels took over ten years to find a publisher, but I didn’t give up. CHANGING FACES went through at least five major revisions and a late-round revision and updating I’ve gone into multiple times in the past year before it finally came out earlier this month, over fourteen years after it was started.
See, if you have a story that is inside you, you have to tell it. Or you aren’t being true to yourself.
So write for you. Tell that story. Don’t give up, no matter how long it takes, nor how many revisions you need to go through, nor even whether it seems like it won’t matter ’cause sales aren’t brisk and you aren’t making a dent.
Do it anyway.
Do it for yourself.
What Love Is — and Is Not
Folks, as my new romantic fantasy novel CHANGING FACES is out as an e-book, perhaps this would be a good time to discuss what love is — and what love decidedly isn’t.
First, love is about caring more for the other person than it is about yourself. It means when you get up in the morning, your first coherent thought should be something along the lines of, “How are you, honey?” or doing something nice for your partner if you can.
Love is about many other good things, mind. Sacrifice. Shared goals and dreams. A willingness to share your mind, spirit and heart with another worthy person, and the belief that in so doing, you will become expanded by the experience rather than diminished.
I like to think that Allen and Elaine’s story in CHANGING FACES speaks to all of that, and that it has a moral and message (for those of us who need such)…but is a ripping good romance otherwise (for those of us who just want that). (See, I split the middle that way.)
What is love most decidedly not about? Materialism. Giving someone stuff is not about love; it’s about self-aggrandizement and/or the need for your partner to accumulate stuff.
Granted, a small, well-chosen, thoughtful gift can work wonders…but do you know why that is? It’s because it means you spent enough time, energy, and thought on giving just the right gift.
It’s the time, energy, and thought that you put into it, in other words, that makes that gift work. Not the gift itself.
Now, is that a chicken or the egg sort of question? I don’t know.
But what I do know is, the best gift you can possibly give to someone on Valentine’s Day or any day is the gifts of your time and attention. Giving those gifts is exceptionally meaningful; you make memories that way, good ones, and thus your life becomes enriched in the process.
(Break for naked self-promotion. You can look away if you must; I won’t get angry if you do.)
Anyway, if you want to know my further thoughts about love, and this blog isn’t enough, please do go find a copy of CHANGING FACES and start reading. (It’s only ninety-nine cents for a week or so. And it might make you think, or care, or start wondering how you, too, can find a good person to share your life with…isn’t that a win/win?)
(End naked self-promo, already in progress…)
Turning Bad Circumstances into Good Ones
It’s Friday the 13th, so I thought I’d talk about how to turn bad circumstances into good ones. (Or, at least, into better ones?)
“Why, Barb, did you pick Friday the 13th for this blog?” you ask, wearily.
Well, the answer is simple. On Friday the 13th, everyone worries more about accidents, superstitions, odd events…and what’s odder than turning a bad circumstance into a good one?
Yeah, I realize that’s not how most people think of it. Instead, we think about the negative stuff going on all around us. And it’s very easy to find…we all have stuff in our lives that could be, shall we say, improved.
And it’s hard to think about improving things, when everything seems against you.
I’ve had my back to the wall at least ten times in my life. It’s not pleasant. Every time, I’ve thought whatever was going on would break me. I’ve been through deaths of loved ones (including my beloved husband Michael), divorces before I even found Michael at all, at least five major moves, job losses, and economic hardship, and I haven’t enjoyed any of it.
(If I did, though, wouldn’t you wonder what I was about? I would, in your place. But I digress.)
What you have to do when you’re at a breaking point is to keep going. Remember that you didn’t ask for this to happen. You are just doing the best you can. Maybe you’ve made mistakes, but we all have…the trick is not to give up on yourself and not to give up on your talents, no matter what is stacked against you.
And as bad as dealing with horrific events (like deaths of loved ones in particular) can be, there actually is one positive side to it that I’ve found.
Ready?
I realized that going through all the negative experiences in my life has actually sensitized me to other people’s suffering. And along the way, I found that being able to help someone else, even if it’s only a little bit, did two great things: It helped the other person realize they were not alone, and it also made me feel better as a human being to reach out and help someone who truly needed it.
Maybe that’s why we have things like “Do unto others as they do unto you” (the Golden Rule). It’s not just that we want to be treated well; it’s that we need to treat others well for our own well-being, and to become our best selves.
Anyway, the point of this blog is, sometimes life just stinks. There are things you have to do sometimes that you never wanted to — that you never even conceived of, when you started out as a young adult — but you have no choice.
When you’re at one of those places, step back, and try to realize that you are not alone. You can come back from whatever it is that you’re facing with time, courage, fortitude, will, and effort. Best of all, you will be able to better understand yourself and others when you do…and I don’t know of any other way to turn a bad circumstance into a good one than that.
Driving Adventures in Winter
Folks, if you live in the Northern Hemisphere — especially if you live in the Upper Midwest, as I do — you know that driving conditions right now tend to range from “iffy” to “downright bad.”
It’s because of this that I decided to share a few tips I’ve learned about winter driving…in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, it’ll help you to know them as well.
First, before you go out on the road, make sure your car is in the best repair possible. If you’ve been putting off buying tires, now is the time to get them…if you’ve been putting off replacing your windshield wipers, definitely replace them now (or possibly suffer the consequences — more about this anon).
Second, make sure that whenever you’re going out in the cold weather that you have a full gas tank, especially if you have a smaller car (as I do). Don’t assume that half a tank, or worse yet, a quarter of a tank, will do, because you’re only going across town. You have to plan for the worst-case scenario here, which means you need a full tank (or at minimum, three-quarters of a tank).
Third, don’t assume that the roads will be plowed, sanded, or salted. (Worst-case scenario, got it?) That way, you’ll be less stressed out if they aren’t.
Fourth, if your car does skid, you need to turn into the skid and lay off the brake pedal if at all possible — brake lightly and gently, else. That way, you may not go into the ditch, and can get off the road in one piece. (If you go into what would’ve been oncoming traffic except for the snowstorm, so what? Providing no one is there, no harm, no foul. So keep your cool, get the car turned back around, and go on your way again, thanking your lucky stars that you didn’t hit anyone today, and that no one hit you, either.)
Fifth, if you do land in the ditch — I have, though not in many years — don’t panic. That is what your cell phone and/or AAA or whatever roadside assistance you have is for. If you don’t have that, call a tow truck. (And if you are between paychecks and just don’t have any money at all, it’s time to call a friend who can tow you out.)
I say all this after surviving some of the worst driving conditions I have ever faced last night. There was black ice, then snow on top of that, then rutted ice on top of that…at least six inches of snow on the ground, and I saw no sand or salt trucks out. And the only plow I saw showed up just as I got into my driveway…which means that plow didn’t exactly help me much.
As I’m an intelligent person, I definitely did not enjoy these horrible driving conditions whatsoever. But what I did to survive them was to do one thing: find a line, and stay on it.
“But Barb,” you protest. “What in the world does that mean, anyway?”
It means that if the roads are so bad you can’t possibly see the lane lines, and no plows have been by, and there are ruts everywhere, pick the best line you can in order to stay out of the ditch. Adjust your speed accordingly; I went only fifteen to twenty miles per hour on city streets that were rated thirty, thirty-five, or forty…not because I am a nervous Nellie (though I can be, sometimes), but because I was more concerned with preserving my own skin and getting home in one piece than in how long it was going to take me to get there.
When you get to a stop sign or a stoplight, know that you may not be able to stop in such horrible conditions, too. Plan to skid around other cars, if you must. Try to avoid any obstacles…but yes, try to brake gently and lightly first, before you take evasive action.
That’s one of the reasons you go more slowly, mind, so you have a hope in Hell of actually stopping in such dreadful conditions. But you have to realize you still may not be able to do so, and figure out what you’re going to do in the worst-case…it’s the only way to be safe, truly.
Two more things before I go:
If you are in a four-wheel drive vehicle, truck, or SUV, don’t assume that you’re going to have any better traction than I do in my little car. Chances are in conditions like that, you don’t. Try to take your additional car’s mass into account, and be as safe as you can; don’t believe that your bigger car or truck will save you if you don’t use your head as well.
And finally…remember what I said about windshield wipers, before? Well, last night as I got into my own driveway, my driver’s side wiper actually fell off. Both wipers had more or less stopped functioning during the snowstorm as the snow and sleet mix continued to come down, and were badly iced over. The roads were so bad, I didn’t trust going to an auto parts store and getting back out again, so I took a calculated risk and made it all the way home instead.
Could I do it over again, I’d have made sure I had enough money in my pocket to buy two new wipers. (By the way, I did that today. I got the teflon-coated ones, too…they won’t stick to the windows, and it’s going to be far less likely that they’re going to stick to the windshield and thus be inoperable.) And I’d have bought them before that snowstorm hit, considering how bad it was.
I was very, very fortunate last night to make it home in one piece, not get into an accident, and avoid the three-four accidents waiting to happen that I clearly saw in the process.
What I want you to do is learn from my almost-mistake, all right? Make sure you have good wipers on the car if at all possible. And if you are between paychecks, treat your wipers gently and hope like fire they’ll make it until you do get paid…because that’s the only way you’re going to be safe. (And safety is the name of the game, in winter. Trust me.)
Life, Blogging, and Everything…
Folks, you probably have noticed that I haven’t blogged all week. There is a reason for that.
Earlier in the week, I was sick. Something akin to the flu, I thought…it passed in about three days, but in the middle of that three days was a rehearsal for the Racine Concert Band as we have a Christmas concert coming up next week at Racine Park High School. I couldn’t miss that, so I exerted myself and went…most people didn’t know I was ill, though my stand-partner Vivian surely did.
Anyway, because of that I wasn’t able to write or edit much until Friday evening. Fortunately, I was able to write and edit some tonight, then I remembered I’d best come over here and let y’all know what’s been happening to keep me away from blogging.
I wish it had been something more fun, mind…something like a Jamaican vacation with a fun tour group, and maybe an interesting man to keep me amused. (Hey, I doubt my husband would mind at this point. It’s been twelve years, and he didn’t ever expect me to be alone all this time. He’d probably ask me what took me so long, if he could, for all I know…but I digress.) That would’ve been great to talk about, and the pictures…oh, Goddess, the pictures!
(No, you’re not about to see me in a bikini. Not now, not ever. I’m talking about sand, surf, fruity drinks, maybe undersea diving…stuff like that.)
I figure that seeing the sun rise in a strange place, with someone I truly cared about by my side, would be fun. Especially at this time of year, when it’s cold, colder, coldest outside, it’s nice to fantasize about warmth, whether it’s the human variety or the weather variety…or better yet, both.
So there you have it…I am again writing a little, editing a little, and am preparing for a concert next week. And I’m fantasizing a little, too, which I guess is…good? (Proves I’m human, in case anyone wondered.)
Hope everyone in Southeastern Wisconsin and Northern Illinois will find ways to stay warm, stay indoors, and read good books. (Fantasizing optional, of course. Though if it helps you, why not?)
Be Yourself, Be a Friend…
Sometimes, when you’re someone’s friend, it’s not easy.
Maybe that person does something you don’t like, and you don’t know what to say. Or that person has political beliefs that shock you, or least surprise you…or that person insists on going his/her own way, calmly (but not quietly) pointing out the errors in your argument. Or maybe that person, who you thought was so much like yourself, turns out to be his/her own person after all…and while you want that, because who wants to live in an echo chamber, it can be quite disconcerting.
The best thing you can do, when you’re someone’s friend, is to listen. (It’s also the hardest, but it’s necessary.) Try not to pass judgment. Try to step into your friend’s shoes, and see whether or not you can find common ground; even if you can’t, the fact that you took the time to listen and care should matter.
None of us agree all the time. (Even my late husband and I had the rare — OK, extremely rare — disagreement.) So we’re going to have times where all we can do is listen, care, and agree to disagree.
Somehow, some way, we have to learn to be fine with this. And take people as they are, rather than how we’d like them to be.
That way, when you say something to your friend that’s shocking, or surprising, or (in contemporary parlance) a “buzz-kill,” maybe you’ll get the same courtesy.
Ultimately, it all comes down to one thing: Treat others the way you, yourself, want to be treated.
So if you want understanding, dignity, common courtesy, and respect, you’d best give that to your friends — and maybe even your enemies. (Capisce?)
———
Before I go, I wanted to make sure to ask my readers to say a quick prayer (or think good thoughts, or send positive energy, whatever you do in your own, personal belief system) for SF&F author Sarah A. Hoyt. She’s being kept overnight for observation at a Colorado hospital, and while her family is around her (which you’d expect, knowing Sarah at all), she needs all the good wishes, warm feelings and positive prayers she can get right now.
Refuse to Give Up
Folks, I only have a few words for you today, but here goes:
Refuse to give up.
As my ongoing housing crisis continues, I’ve struggled to finish CHANGING FACES. I believe in this story, and have been working on it in one form or another for the last fourteen years. The stress has been enormous to do everything that needs to be done, yet continue to write as that’s vitally important to me.
If I do my job well, no one’s going to care in a year, or ten years, or whatever, that I endured hardship and travail while finishing up this novel. (Nor should they, as the hope is the work stands or falls on its own merit.) And that thought is slightly heartening, oddly liberating…but it’s not as important as the one I already gave you.
In your own lives, you probably have endured much difficulty and stress. Writing — doing something creative, that comes from your heart and soul and mind — is not easy when you’re going through all that. But providing you find a way to keep doing it as you’re able, the journey is worth it…and the end result should be worth it, too.
So, if you’ve learned nothing else about me in all the years I’ve written this blog, know this:
I refuse to give up. And so should you.
Barb Caffrey's Blog 