Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category
Mistakes? Or Stepping Stones?
Folks, have you ever wondered if mistakes are merely stepping stones?
And the worse the mistake, the bigger the stepping stone?
I know most of us (myself included) tend to think a mistake is a life-altering event that you can’t go back from. You’re not the same person as before you made the mistake, and you don’t know what you’re going to do. Sometimes you don’t have any good choices, and that’s frustrating in the extreme.
But I’m here to tell you that I’ve rebounded from most of my past mistakes. They did turn out to be stepping stones, though I didn’t necessarily know that at the time. And I learned from them, and became a more informed person (if not always a wiser one).
Consider that when you write, sometimes you have to tear up a whole chapter, maybe even start over ten or fifteen or more times before you get a sentence right. (Or a paragraph, or a story, etc.) A start is just that: a start. It doesn’t have to lead where you think it’s going to lead, not and still be worthwhile to you.
Life is like that, too.
If you’d have told me after I fought so hard to get my two college degrees in music that I’d end up as an independent writer and editor, I’d probably have looked at you like you had two heads. I’d planned my whole life to be a performing musician, and to teach music. That’s what I wanted to do from the time I turned ten years old, and I worked really hard to do just that.
But life threw me a few curveballs, and so, here I am.
And as my character Bruno says (in the as-yet unpublished AN ELFY ABROAD), “I am who I am. I refuse to apologize for it.”
My mistakes did turn out to be stepping stones, for the most part. The ruins of my first two marriages were necessary so I could find the right guy, at long last, and build a strong and sturdy marriage that satisfied me in all senses. (That it ended too soon, because he died too young, is not Michael’s fault. Nor mine, but I digress.) And my hands not allowing me to become the musician I had dreamed of becoming turned my creativity in an alternate direction.
Maybe, had I not gone in this direction, I wouldn’t know the writers, editors, and yes, the musicians I know now. Maybe, just maybe, I’d not have learned as much about life either.
And I can’t be unhappy with any of that, even though my life in a lot of ways didn’t turn out the way I’d hoped.
(Maybe it’s the same with you.)
Anyway, just the thought that your mistakes might someday turn out to be stepping stones may do you some good today. Because mistakes aren’t always as bad as they seem. They often can lead to good outcomes, even if you can’t see it now; even if it makes no sense; and even if you have to fight like Hell to get there.
For one moment, try to step outside yourself and treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. Be kind, be compassionate, and give yourself a break.
That way, you can accept what comes, and keep fighting.
For a creative person (writer, musician, editor, or what-you-will), that’s the only way to live.
What Is Strength?
Folks, this is a special post for the blogging event Collaboration with a Purpose. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
Strength. What is it, why do we covet it, and why should we care about it?
I think strength is one of the more underappreciated of human virtues. Without strength, no one would live through famine, dearth, wars, or anything profoundly traumatic.
Actor Kevin Sorbo knows this. In his book TRUE STRENGTH (which I reviewed a few years ago over at Shiny Book Review), Sorbo discusses his brush with a catastrophic, life-threatening health condition that robbed him of his physical endurance and what he’d thought of as his strength — that is, everything he could do, physically. At the time, he was known mostly for his work as Hercules, and as such, he had to be strong, cool, confident, and portray someone who could break heads without breaking a sweat, then go to the tavern afterward with his buddy Iolaus and crack jokes.
But this illness changed things. He learned what he was really about; it wasn’t his physical attributes that mattered, as they weren’t what made him strong.
What mattered was his mind. His heart. His spirit. His desire to live, to get better, to take up the mantle of his life again on his terms…and to not give in, until he’d found a way back to the life he was meant to live.
Sorbo credited much of this willingness to continue fighting with faith, along with the love of his wife, Sam. And there is no doubt that’s all true.
Still, I tend to think that it’s the person he was, annealed in fire (or at least forged in illness) that shows exactly what strength is — and what it isn’t.
See, most of us only see the outsides of things. We don’t see the inner workings. We can’t, or we won’t, or maybe we’re afraid to be vulnerable and to admit that we’re all frail in some respects. That we can all make mistakes. And that our lives can change in an instant, whether it’s due to a life-threatening illness, the death of a spouse, or other catastrophic events.
Who we are is often shown in starkest relief after we’ve lived through something incredibly painful. The fact that we endured this, that we came out on the other side and lived to tell about it, is what strength really is.
Now, as to why we should covet it? I think that’s more because some of us are afraid that we may not be everything we think we are. When the chips are down, will we convert on our promise, or will we roll over and play dead?
Granted, being strong means you have to admit that sometimes you’re weak, vulnerable, and not at your best. You have to know that in your darkest moments, even when you’ve lost all hope that things will ever improve, that somehow you’re going to survive, and keep trying, and refuse to give up.
Why we should care about strength is obvious. It’s what makes us who we are. It taps into our souls, into our innermost selves, and demands that we be true to ourselves, or else.
Providing we are, and give it our all, that strength, that innermost drive to survive and do our best will get us through many dark periods of time in our lives. (As well as a few good ones here and there; maybe more than a few?)
At any rate, that’s what I think of, when I think of what strength truly is (and isn’t). What do you think about? (Let me know in the comments.)
(Later today, I’ll add links to all the other bloggers taking part in today’s Collaboration with a Purpose event. I was showing my strength — or at least my bullheadedness — in writing this down now, during a migraine headache. But even my strength has limits; I’ll have to add the links to the other bloggers later, and hope they’ll forgive me down the line.)
Collaboration with a Purpose Is Back on July 5th…
Folks, this is just a brief “hit-and-run” bloglet to let you know there’s another special event coming to the Elfyverse on July 5th. I’m one of twelve bloggers taking part in “Collaboration with a Purpose 2,” and this time, we’re going to talk about the toughest thing in the world to discuss: Strength.
That is, what is it, why is it important, and how do you find it?
(Take a look at the graphic if you don’t believe me.)
Anyway, I hope you’ll enjoy this. I’ll have a list of all the bloggers for you tomorrow, and will include links to all on the 5th, as was true of the last “Collaboration with a Purpose” about loss.
Do take care and enjoy your holiday!
Music and Writing — Do They Mix?
Folks, as you know, I’m a musician and a writer. And sometimes I’ve wondered…do writing and music really mix?
I think they do. Being able to hear words as a symphony sometimes helps. It gives you an idea of cadence, measure, tone, tempo…even counterpoint.
But there are times when it can be easier for me to say things with music rather than words. I even know why this is; I trained for a career as a musician from the time I was ten years old.
That doesn’t mean I can’t say it in words, mind. I can. Still, it’s as my late husband put it: there are times where it’s like I’m converting what I see from music to words. Because music was my first language in many senses; I trust that more.
Even so, when both can be combined, it works well. (Check out my novel CHANGING FACES if you don’t believe me.)
At any rate, in a few weeks, I’ll be able to tell you about a new piece of writing I think combines writing and music well — and no, it’s not my own, though it is from one of my writer-friends. (I wish I could say something now, mind, but…better wait.)
Enjoy your weekend, folks. And if you’re in Racine looking for something to do on Sunday night, come down to the Zoo at 7:30 p.m. and listen to the Racine Concert Band’s first free concert of the year — we’ll be playing patriotic songs in honor of the Fourth of July. (And did I mention it’s absolutely, positively free?)
Unsettled Times
Folks, the times, they are unsettled. (OK, Bob Dylan, it isn’t. But it does happen to be true.)
We have unrest here in Wisconsin, as there’s an important trial going on in Milwaukee that, depending on its outcome, may set off another round of riots and looting and fires. (Last year, I wrote a post called “Milwaukee Burning” about that, I believe.)
We have unrest throughout the United States for various reasons. Some comes down to how our politicians continue to make the same mistakes, whether they’re Republicans or Democrats (right now, the GOP is in the barrel over their mishandling of Trumpcare, otherwise known as the AHCA), some because of the bombastic nature of our current President, Donald Trump (a man Hillary Clinton quite correctly called “unfit” due to Trump’s willingness to shoot from the Tweet at any hour of the day or night). Some is because we’ve possibly forgotten we have more in common with each other than not…
But I think a lot of it is because too many people are working jobs that are below their ability levels. They’re not making the money they need to pay their bills, much less have any sort of decent quality of life. Way too many people work so many hours, they barely see their children, spouses, or any of their friends, all because they’re trying hard to stay ahead of their bills.
This is called “income instability.” It is not easy to deal with. At all.
Historically, when things like this happen — too many people either out of work entirely or working too many hours for too little money — we end up with a great deal of unrest.
Or, as I put it above, unsettled times.
It’s not easy to live in such times. There’s a lot of inequality out there, whether it’s income inequality, racial inequality, the fight for LGBTQ rights…and then, so many people are so very, very exhausted, they come home, aren’t able to think as well as they would if they had enough time to see their family and friends and decompress a little.
I’m wondering if this — the overarching inequity people can’t help but see — is why the folks in our society seemingly are more likely to get angry and stay angry.
And then, we have a media that likes to push sensationalism, and only rarely talks about what binds us together. (That does not sell papers. Or buy ads for TV programs, either.)
So we hear only that people don’t agree. That they don’t get along. That maybe we shouldn’t, that our “tribe” doesn’t get along with theirs…that only Democrats/Republicans/Libertarians/Independents/fill-in-the-blank are worth talking to, and no one else need apply.
What I know, though, is different.
I have friends from all walks of life. They are all interesting, funny, special people, who have something worthwhile to say, and worthwhile to share.
Yeah, to some of them, I’m a “token liberal,” one of the few they can tolerate. And to some, I’m too conservative for them, not nearly liberal enough.
But I’m always, always myself.
That got me to thinking…if I can handle all these different people doing different things, saying many different interesting things, why is it that we can’t get it together as a society? Are we too big, too monolithic, to admit to individuality any longer?
I don’t know.
What I do know is, whether we live in unsettled times or not, we have to keep doing our best. And since we’re here on this Earth for some reason, we may as well try to learn from one another rather than insist ours is the “one, true way” (hat tip to author Mercedes Lackey).
So, this week, try hard to listen to someone you don’t normally think is worthwhile. See if there’s even one grain of anything you can agree with, and then talk civilly and with amity about the rest.
Who knows? You may make a new friend.
A Note about PrideFest…and CHANGING FACES
Folks, it’s been a while since I wrote anything about my most troublesome, yet rewarding book to write — that being the LGBT fantasy/romance, CHANGING FACES. (Fantasy only in that it has angels, really. But whatever.)
As PrideFest is going on in Milwaukee this weekend, I thought now was a good time to remind people that CHANGING FACES is available. What better time is there to celebrate romance regardless of form than PrideFest? Especially when one of the couple is of non-standard sexuality?
(Yeah, I’m going to use it as a tie-in. Sorry. But I hope you can forgive me anyway.)
While I’m not LGBT, I’ve always supported my friends and colleagues who are. I hope I was faithful to the struggles a gender-fluid person who always used the female pronoun might have, and about the unusual situation two angels put her and her boyfriend into. All because their love refused to be denied.
So, there’s romance, there are angels, there’s lots of other good and interesting stuff going on…and it’s only ninety-nine cents as an e-book.
(Yeah. Ninety-nine cents.)
Please go check it out, will you? And if you think you’d like it, please buy it, read it, and most definitely review it, as I need all the help I can get.
Time Waits for No One…
Folks, I’ve had it up to here with mortality.
I’ve lost my husband. I’ve lost my best friend. I’ve lost my grandmother, my uncles, my aunt, and numerous other good friends way too early.
But I’m not the only one.
Other friends of mine have lost sisters, mothers, fathers, brothers, best friends, you name it.
We’re all here for a short time. I’m not entirely sure what we’re supposed to do with that time, other than love one another and develop our gifts and talents as much as we possibly can.
So please, remember that time doesn’t wait for anyone.
That’s why you have to make the most of today.
Don’t wait. Use your talents, use your mind and heart and body and spirit, and cherish your family, your friends, and all your loved ones as much as you possibly can.
Do everything you can to make a positive difference, while you still have time. Don’t let anyone put you off; don’t let anyone tell you that the small things you can do on your own won’t ever matter.
Because that is a lie. And you need to remember that.
Mind you, there’s a lot about life that really frustrates me. But one thing I know is true:
Time waits for no one.
So do your best today. Love your best today. Create your best today.
And never stop trying, loving, or creating. (Because the day you stop is the day you lose. Guaranteed.)
Summer Approaches…How to Get Your Writing in Anyway
The summer rapidly approaches. We creative types are going to have to fight against the hot weather, sandy beaches, and the urge to go on vacation in addition to all the other stuff that gets in the way of writing and/or creating.
So, what’s to do?
Here’s a few strategies that may help you continue to work on your writing and/or other creative activities, in no particular order:
Write when you get up.
This particular idea sounds a bit antithetical, especially to me, because I hate mornings. (I am a well-known night owl who may as well have been born a vampire, as that way I’d have a very good reason not to like mornings.) But even I have occasionally managed to write in the morning; the trick here is, if you wake up with a strong idea, don’t wait around.
Just start writing, and see where your imagination takes you.
Write in the in-between times.
You know how, in every busy day, there are a few “in-between” times? Like when you’re waiting to go in for a doctor’s appointment, or when you’re waiting for a bridge to go up (I live on a city with many waterways, so that’s a real concern here), or when you’re just waiting, period?
Bring a pad with you. It can be a tablet, an old-fashioned wired notebook, or anything else…the important thing here is, you jot down some notes about your writing if you get one during one of these in-between times, so you don’t forget.
Write after dinner.
So, you’ve gotten through your busy day. (Or you gave in, went to the beach, swam and biked and ran around — or at least sunned yourself for a while.) You’re back home, you’ve just had your late meal, and you’re getting a bit tired.
Push that tiredness to the side as best you can, and go write for a bit.
.The trick here is, just give yourself the permission to write. Do whatever you can to get that writing and/or creative activity in, and you’ll find a way to get it done.
(You just have to trust me on this. OK?)
What do you do to get your writing in during the summer? Tell me about it in the comments!
Preparation Is Key
Folks, I recently played a concert with the Racine Concert Band, and I was struck by the difference good mental preparation made in my performance.
When I was younger, I never thought about this at all…I figured if I’d done the work, learned the pieces, my instrument was in good repair and I had a good reed, that’s all I needed to do. But preparation doesn’t stop with the mechanics of playing music; it actually starts there.
Because I have hand problems now, I have to think a great deal more about what I’m going to do, whether it’s with music, writing, or anything else. And what I’ve found is that if I put myself into a calmer frame of mind and tell myself I’m going to do the best I can, and not beat myself up beforehand because I can’t do what I once was so easily able to do, I come pretty close to being able to do what I used to do so effortlessly.
Now, I did prepare for big moments on stage, of course. I mentally played through solos, recitals, various high-profile gigs…so this mindset is not totally alien to me.
I’d never thought about it with a run-of-the-mill concert before, though.
So, as I was thinking about this, I wondered if it might help my writing, to stay in that same mindset as best I can. Just the belief that I can do it may make a difference on a bad day…and we all need that, whether we realize it or not.
Granted, I write on different days for different reasons. Sometimes I am writing an intensely emotional scene and I need to be able to feel that. Staying detached under such a circumstance won’t work.
But the belief that I can affect my own outcome a little…that is worth having.
You see, the biggest threat to creativity is the belief that it doesn’t matter. That who you are, that what you create, won’t ever make a difference to anyone.
We creative types have to have at least a small bit of an ego to take up a creative profession; otherwise, we’d get ground to powder quickly, as creating against strong headwinds is not for the faint of heart.
So, just for today, I want you — and me — to believe one thing:
It does matter.
What you do, what you create, what you are, all matters.
Don’t let anyone tell you different. And keep doing whatever you need to do, in order to be your best self.
Writing, Hand Issues, and More Frustration…
Folks, you probably have noticed that I haven’t written a blog in nearly a week.
There is a reason for that. Three of them, to be exact: Hand issues. Frustration. And lots of editing.
My writing has taken a big-time backseat to all of this.
Now, as for the hand issues? I have tendinitis in both hands and wrists. (Until recently, I was told this was carpal tunnel syndrome, but now, the diagnosis has been revised.) Typing is painful at the moment. Using my arms at all is painful, too. I’m going to hand therapy, using heat, ultrasound, and doing various exercises, all so I can continue to use my hands as best I can.
Why am I so worried about my hands? (This may seem basic, but please bear with me.) Without my hands, I can’t work. As being an editor pays most of my bills, I need to do this despite the pain.
That’s why writing, for the moment, is taking a backseat, even though I don’t like it much. I just can’t concentrate on my stories right now, because everything I’ve got is going either into the hand therapy, my editing, or just living day-to-day life.**
In addition, I have another concert to play in a week and a half with the Racine Concert Band as a saxophonist. My part won’t be very difficult; I will have no solos, I will not have any exposed parts, and I will be someone that most people won’t even realize is playing. Yet the conductor and other members of the band would notice if I didn’t show up, and thus I’m going to go and do my best.
Even though it hurts.
I’ve persisted through a lot in my life. I’ve endured divorces, deaths, health problems, financial distress, floods, earthquakes, and probably a number of other things I’m forgetting right now. So you can assume I’m going to persist through this obstacle, too.
Do I wish things were easier right now? You’d better believe it.
But I’m glad I can still type. I’m glad that I can still play my saxophone, even if it’s not at the level I want, even if I don’t have solos anymore, even if for the most part I’ll probably never again be someone most people in the crowd think about when they go see a concert.
I’m doing what I can. I have to take comfort in that.
No matter how frustrating I find this situation to be, I will not give up.
I just have to pick and choose my spots for a while. That’s all.
——
**Note that I am still thinking about my stories. I have written down some prose notes. I have talked with other writers, and am doing what I can to re-read the works in progress, and keep going as best I can with my thought process overall. I know that my mind never stops working, so maybe being hindered will eventually produce some better, richer, deeper stories…one can only hope, right?
Barb Caffrey's Blog 