Barb Caffrey's Blog

The Washington Post reported today, January 31, 2025, that there may be as many as twenty young skaters, parents, and their coaches who were on American Eagle flight 5342. This page will be updated as more information comes in. These skaters and their parents, along with their coaches, deserve to be remembered.

While no official word has come yet, the Boston Figure Skating Club has released the names of several skaters and coaches who were on board a flight to Washington, DC, from Wichita, Kansas last night. That flight collided with a helicopter; no one knows yet how it happened, but it’s believed no one survived.

There were sixty-four crew and passengers on that flight. Among them were two young skaters, Jinna Han and Spencer Lane; their parents, Jin Han and Christine Lane; their coaches, Evgenia Shishkova and Vadim Naumov. Han was only fifteen years old, and Lane was just sixteen years old.

Edited to add: Two young figure skaters from the Washington Figure Skating Club also have passed away, those being Everly and Alydia Livingston. They were fourteen and eleven, respectively. Their parents Donna and Peter Livingston also perished.

Edited to add: Figure skater Cory Haynos, sixteen, and his parents, Stephanie and Roger Haynos, also were among the victims. He’d just landed a triple Axel jump for the first time at the developmental camp. That is a huge accomplishment for a young skater, and his potential, like the other skaters who passed away, was limitless.

Edited to add: Skaters Brielle Beyer and Edward Zhou, both of the Figure Skating Club of Northern Virginia, have also passed away. Beyer’s mother, Justyna, and Zhou’s parents, Kaiyan Mou and Joe Zhou, were also victims.

Also edited to add: Delaware Figure Skating Club lost coach Alexandr Kirsanov and young skaters Angela Yang and Sean Kay.

The United States Figure Skating Championships were held this year in Wichita. That’s why the young skaters and their coaches were there. After the championships, there’s usually a developmental camp for skaters with potential to climb higher. (Everyone in figure skating goes to these championships if they have the financial wherewithal to do so, unless they’re ill. It’s a very small community in a number of ways.)

I don’t know anything about Jinna Han or Spencer Lane, except that they were good skaters. They had excellent coaches (who, as noted above, have also died). They had boundless optimism, as future Olympic hopefuls must. They were hard-working, as figure skating is a demanding discipline. They wanted the best in life, the best in their sport, and the best from themselves, which is why they had stayed longer to attend that important developmental camp.

I do remember seeing their coaches, Shishkova and Naumov, skate back in 1994, when they won the world figure skating championship. They were brilliant, both technically and artistically. It’s not a surprise to me at all that they became coaches, nor is it a surprise to me that they were excellent coaches. (Not every figure skater becomes a coach, but those who do tend to be outstanding as they understand everything about it from the beginning of their careers until the end of their performing days.)

I mourn them all.

Edited to add: Coach and retired figure skater Inna Volyanskaya, a citizen of Russia, also perished in this crash.

The human cost is incalculable.

As one of the skaters said online at a social media site (I can’t remember which, as I heard this reported by local radio in Wisconsin rather than saw it), “Hug your loved ones. Hug them every day. Hug them hard.”

None of us knows the future. None of us knows what day will be our end, or how it will come. We can only make the best of the time we’re given.

One thing I do know about those figure skaters and their coaches is, they definitely did that. They lived in service to their art and to their sport. Their parents did everything they could to give their children a chance to excel in one of the most exciting, yet expensive, sports that has ever existed. The costumes, the choreography, the coaching, the ice time…sometimes it seems like the bills go on and on, all for a few brief moments in the sun.

Yet those brief moments in the sun — their short programs, their long programs, their experiences as they go to various events, etc. — are worth everything.

I wish this hadn’t happened. I don’t understand it.

But the unknown skater who said “Hug your loved ones” is right. That’s all we can do, as we continue to celebrate our own few, brief moments in the sun.

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 30, 2025 at 5:03 pm

Cold Weather, Bob Uecker, and Reggie White…

Bob Uecker, Voice of the Milwaukee Brewers, Has Died

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I woke up today to the news that my childhood hero Bob Uecker, long-time voice of the Milwaukee Brewers, has died. He was 90.

While that’s a good, long life, Uecker was what I’d call an “American original.” He was a great broadcaster, yes, but also was an actor, a comedian, wrote two books (including Catcher in the Wry), a philanthropist, and was one of the more unforgettable people I’d ever watched, read about, or listened to during the course of my lifetime.

When I was very young, I listened to Uecker on the radio broadcasts with Merle Harmon. (Yes, that goes back a ways, doesn’t it?) Harmon was the play-by-play guy back then, while Uecker was the color man. At one point, Harmon felt Uecker was ready to start doing innings by himself, so the story Uecker often told was that Harmon simply didn’t show up one half-inning. Uecker had to do the game by himself. Harmon eventually did come back and finish the game, and they had a few more good years as radio partners before other announcers came in.

By that point, Uecker was the top dog. Everyone he mentored, whether it was Pat Hughes, Corey Provus, or current announcers Jeff Levering, Lane Grindle, and Josh Mauer, later became far better broadcasters with what assuredly seemed like more knowledge of the world around them.

There have been many tributes already, from former MLB commissioner Bud Selig; former Brewers players Brent Suter (now a pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds) and Ryan Braun; current announcers Grindle and Levering; current players Brandon Woodruff and Christian Yelich; current manager Pat Murphy; and finally, former manager Craig Counsell. Other announcers, both on TV and radio, have chimed in, along with some of the actors Uecker used to work with (Tracy Tofte worked with Uecker on the sitcom “Mr. Belvedere,” and visited Ueck three weeks ago). Fans went out to American Family Field (formerly known as Miller Park) and left cans of Miller Lite at the base of Ueck’s statue outside the stadium in memory of Ueck’s famous commercials for Miller Lite years ago. (They also left flowers, memories, and at least one Brewers baseball cap.)

All I can tell you is, Uecker was the announcer for the Brewers when I was young, as I grew up, and as I matured into the person I am today. He was funny, articulate, often charming, sometimes scathing, but always, always interesting. He made people laugh, even on the worst days of their lives. He charmed iconic TV host Johnny Carson so much that Carson gave Ueck the nickname “Mr. Baseball,” first ironically, then wholeheartedly. (Carson also had Ueck back over one hundred times on his show, including during the last week Carson hosted.)

I think, though, the reason I liked Uecker so much was because he was from Milwaukee. He didn’t lord it over anyone. He enjoyed people and liked cheering them up. He was frank, unassuming, and down-to-earth, and he absolutely loved his job as Voice of the Brewers.

His playing career wasn’t great; he hit .200, was known more for his defense than his offense, and retired at age thirty-three. He tried scouting but wasn’t great at it. Then he reinvented himself as an announcer, became a very good one, then a great one. Did stand-up comedy, charmed Carson (as previously mentioned), acted in Major League (my favorite baseball film ever) and of course on “Mr. Belvedere.” It seemed like anything Ueck turned his hand to, he succeeded.

But Uecker was human, and sometimes awful things happened to him. He had pancreatic cancer, which he fought, that eventually went into remission. He’d had open-heart surgery. He nearly died from a bite from a brown recluse, too. But worst of all, two of his children predeceased him: one because of San Joaquin Valley Fever, the other because of ALS. He leaves behind a wife, kids, grandchildren, the entirety of “Brewers Nation,” and many others who knew of his life, work, and charitable concerns.

In short, Bob Uecker was almost like a family member in a way, even though he didn’t know me from Eve. He was the best-known exponent of Wisconsin in general and Milwaukee in particular, showcasing the charm and humor and razor-sharp intelligence most of us who live here wish we had.

Ueck was the “Voice of Summer” to many — not just me — and he’ll be greatly missed.

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 17, 2025 at 12:18 am

The LA Fires: Hell on Earth

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Folks, I only lived in Northern California for a few years, but while I was there I noticed the weather patterns. (My late husband Michael had lived there for decades, so we talked about this from time to time.) In the summer, Los Angeles (LA) has a Mediterranean climate. In the fall, usually there are big rainstorms where sometimes homes not only can get flooded, but mudslides can take homes completely off their foundations. In the winter, the winds kick up, and if there’s been sufficient rain over the past nine months or so, there’s a lesser chance to have fires.

That’s not the situation right now.

California has been experiencing slightly different but much worse weather patterns in the fall and winter, partly because there hasn’t been enough rain during the previous months to do any good. So, with drought conditions, fires can start very quickly, and get very, very bad almost as the drop of a hat.

What caused the awful fires that have been going on now for about a week is a combination of factors, but the fact the region was in a drought is the main problem here. I call it “Hell on Earth” because whole blocks of residences are just plain, flat gone.

And the fires aren’t done yet.

There’s so much ash in the atmosphere in LA that some folks have said it looks kind of like snow. (Too bad it’s not. There is some moisture in snow.) The winds are unpredictable, awful, and the fires seem to be going every which way.

I’ve seen some politicians complain that the Democratic Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, might’ve done better here. I think that’s unfair criticism. The Mayor of LA, Karen Bass, also has been heavily criticized, with rumors going around that she’s fired the fire chief (untrue) and other such nonsensical things.

Look. Even if any of the criticism is remotely true, it is irrelevant. These people could have done everything right, and this still would’ve happened.

Why? It comes down to climate, weather patterns, and a worse than usual drought system. It’s a perfect storm of badness. Add those high winds, and you get chaos.

You get Hell on Earth.

Some in this world don’t seem to understand just how expensive it is to own real estate in any part of California, much less a usually extremely desirable location like LA. A $5.5M dollar home might be a $400,000 home somewhere else. (Under the current, inflated prices most people have to deal with.) A modest lot with a home on it is insanely expensive in California, especially in LA or San Francisco or San Diego.

People have lost everything they’d ever worked for. Some were retirees. Some were still in the workforce and were middle class or perhaps even lower middle class (if they’d inherited their home or a whole family had bought it together). By no means were all of the people affected movie stars, wealthy people who can buy everything they need at any time…no, most of the people were regular sorts.

Some of those who’ve died…one man was trying to get his son, who was severely disabled, out of the house and couldn’t do it. Another man was trying to save his house and refused to leave when the firefighters told him he had to go, and was found with a hose in his hand. Others died because the winds shifted so quickly, they could not get out.

The death toll right now, I think, stands at something like twenty-four people. That number’s only going to go up, and it could go way, way up depending on whether they can get any of the three major fires going on well contained. So far, they haven’t been able to do that, though there has been progress.

Still. The fire and police departments out there are working as much as they can — 12 hours on, 12 hours off — to help people. All sorts of people have come out of the woodwork to help, including the man I recommended to you all, actor Steve Gutenberg, helping others in whatever ways they can. (Jimmy Kimmel, on his nightly program on ABC, called Gutenberg “a national treasure” tonight. Rightfully so.)

These people will need enormous amounts of money and time and help. I hope they get it all. No one wants this. Even the politicians blaming other politicians, which I wish would not be happening during this crisis (save the kvetching until the fires are completely out, please!), do not want this. Devastation like this usually is only seen in wars.

Again, I hope these folks who’ve lost everything are able to rebuild and recover and restore their lives. I also hope those who have been injured fighting the fires will fully recover, and that the poor souls who couldn’t get out in time will be mourned.

It is our duty as human beings to help others that are hurting whenever we can. Those of us far from the action, who can’t go and feed people, and who can’t donate clothes (not in time to get there), but want to do something need to look at places like legitimate animal rescues (as many pets have been separated from their owners and need to be housed and fed and cared for) along with whatever the Los Angeles Fire Department recommends.

It may be — is — Hell on Earth out there. But we have to try to make it better if we possibly can, because as the saying goes, “There but for the grace of God go I.”

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 14, 2025 at 5:05 am

Posted in Community Activism, heartbreaking stories, in general, Prescient observations

Tagged with California, climate-change, compassion, disasters, drought, faith, fires, hell, Jimmy Kimmel, Los Angeles Fire Department, Los Angeles fires, News, Southern California, Steve Gutenberg, weather-related disasters

Kindness Matters…Still

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So far, 2025 as a year has not been kind to most of us. There is so much going on that’s awful…whether it’s politicians saying things that are nonsensical (not just United States politicians, either), wildfires breaking out and causing sudden evacuations in California, the colder-than-cold winter (caused so far by relatively high humidity, at least in Southeastern Wisconsin, along with the cold temps, making this the type of cold weather that chills one to the bone), it can be hard to find good things to talk about.

Good things still happen, though. They happen all the time.

Here’s one good thing that happened to me last weekend. I had just finished shopping for food and had a sudden craving for onion rings. (I hadn’t had them in over a year.) I went to a Burger King and ordered what I could afford: a medium-sized order of onion rings and a value soda. To my surprise, the cashier gave me a large-sized order of onion rings plus the soda, and didn’t charge me anything.

I was perplexed, and asked her again if she wanted the money I’d planned to spend. She said, “May you have a blessed day” and refused my money. I said, “May you have one also! Thank you!” and drove off with a smile on my face.

I have to say those onion rings are probably the best I’ve ever tasted, too.

I also read, today, the story of actor Steve Guttenberg’s actions out in California. He’s now sixty-six years old and is known mostly for the series of films starting with “Police Academy.” I hadn’t thought about him in years, though he’s an excellent comic actor…anyway, Guttenberg’s actions during the current crop of awful wildfires out in California have been exemplary. He has said — my best approximation — that if you are able-bodied, or if you are able at all, you need to help others.

See, the wildfires are so bad out there that people have been leaving their cars with the keys inside, just trying to get away. Some of the folks who’ve had to do this are older, or are mobility impaired (as I am), and Guttenberg dislikes it when people just act like they’re all for themselves and forget about everyone else. He has pointed out that this is a community of people, and they all need help. He’s going to stay there and help as long as he can, because he’s a human being and he cares.

Maybe as many as ten years ago, or fifteen years ago, this would not have been a story, even though it happened to a well-known actor. It is now because so many people have forgotten the axiom “one hand for the self, one hand for the ship.” (My father was in the U.S. Navy, as I’ve said before, and that was one of his favorite sayings ever.)

Mind you, “so many people” is still a minority rather than a majority, thank goodness, or we’d not see actions like those of Steve Guttenberg. Or of the cashier at Burger King, either, for that matter.

So, as you go about your week, keep this in mind: Kindness matters. (Still.) Do your best to be kind, help others, and treat everyone the way you want to be treated: with respect and dignity. That’s what’s needed in this world, now more than ever…and that’s why I wrote this blog, because I was so happy to see it.

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 8, 2025 at 4:23 pm

Posted in Heartwarming stories, in general, Prescient observations

Tagged with blog, Burger King, California wildfires, humanitarian efforts, kindness, life, movies, onion rings, Police Academy, Random Acts of Kindness, Steve Guttenberg, writing

Fighting Walking Pneumonia…and My Thoughts on Sports Stuff

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I’ve been in and out of the doctor’s office the last three months. I was initially diagnosed with bronchitis, then I was diagnosed with bronchitis with a sinus infection/asthma exacerbation, and now I’ve been diagnosed with walking pneumonia. Antibiotics have been prescribed.

The weather is gray, we’re anticipating snow (again), and I’ve been feeling down due to being sick for so long. (If anyone’s fought any illnesses for months, they know what I’m talking about.) Optimism is at a premium, while a whole lot of things have had to slide as I have done battle to breathe, stay alive, and do whatever I can to help my friends and clients (much less my own family).

Now, I have had a few bright spots to point out, though they mostly have to do with sports. The Milwaukee Brewers won the team Gold Glove Award for best overall defense in the National League. They also had two players win individual Gold Gloves, those being second baseman Brice Turang and right fielder Sal Frelick. (A third, center fielder Blake Perkins, was a finalist but did not win. Perkins is an extraordinarily gifted defensive outfielder, nearly as good as Lorenzo Cain and Mike Cameron, among others, and a Gold Glove seems like it’s only a matter of time for Perkins.) In fact, Turang won another award, the Platinum Glove, for being the best overall defender in the National League.

These were bright spots, along with manager Pat Murphy winning Manager of the Year and General Manager Matt Arnold winning Executive of the Year. This shows how much the Brewers team effort mattered. While they didn’t go far in the playoffs yet again, the future seems bright as the team is young and the team is hungry.

Of course, we Brewers fans have to take the good with the bad, and the bad is that All-Star closer Devin Williams was traded to the New York Yankees for a pitcher, Nestor Cortes, and a utility infielder, Caleb Durbin (considered more of a prospect), along with a reported $2M in cash. While the Brewers have several excellent relievers, none of them was as polished or as steady as Williams in my humble opinion. Williams also did many wonderful things in the Milwaukee area for charity and to promote youth baseball efforts, and while one can hope Nestor Cortes will do some of the same while in Milwaukee, that’s unknown at this time. (It also won’t have the benefit of being from a guy who spent five years in Milwaukee and knew the ins and outs of the entire community, much less the most urgent needs.)

Anyway, in addition, the Milwaukee Bucks have been playing very well lately after a horrible 2-8 start. (They had several close games in that start; they weren’t all blowouts by any means. But it still wasn’t good.) They’re now 14-9, I think, and just won the NBA Emirates Cup tournament, held in Las Vegas a few days ago. They decisively beat the Oklahoma City Thunder, one of the best defensive teams in the NBA, partly because the Bucks’ defense was outstanding and partly because the Thunder couldn’t hit much in the way of three-point shots to save their lives.

I’ve been most pleased with Damian Lillard’s performance this season, though as per usual Giannis Antetokounmpo is getting nearly all the glory. (For good reasons, mind you. Giannis is an outstanding player and may be the NBA’s best.) As I read recently in, I think, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, Lillard has done something very few superstars have done and taken on a role, in his prime, to aid another superstar in Giannis in order to help the team win.

Let that soak in a bit.

Lillard is considered one of the top 75 players to ever play in the NBA, right along with Giannis. He is a brilliant scorer, he is an excellent assist-man when asked to do that, and he’s shown some gritty defense that’s been absolutely unexpected from a guy previously considered to be all-offense, all the time.

What Lillard has done reminds me of another Milwaukee Buck of many years ago, that being Oscar Robertson. Robertson was acquired in a trade from the then-Cincinnati Royals (later they became the Sacramento Kings, I think) in 1970, and without him, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and the other luminaries on the 1970-1971 Bucks would have not been able to win the NBA championship. Robertson always had dished out assists, mind you, and he was never thought of as “offense only” as Lillard was for so many years (unfairly, to my mind, in Lillard’s part). But he moderated his scoring somewhat in order to win an NBA Championship with the Milwaukee Bucks, and he was the second option, behind Jabbar, in the same way that Lillard is the second option behind Giannis.

I think it takes an extra-special mindset to do something like that. I really do. It’s hard to change your game, the one you’ve played all these years to so much success, in order to sublimate your ego for the team’s. Robertson had that mindset, and so does Lillard.

My father was a huge fan of the Bucks, as I believe I have said before, and he told me a lot about Oscar Robertson as I grew up. (I was too young to see Robertson play in his prime.) I think Dad would get a kick out of the fact that Lillard seems to be doing similar things that Robertson did back in the early 1970s, and he’d be happy that Lillard’s playing solid defense as well as dishing out assists along with scoring whenever he’s needed. (He’s averaging 25.7 points a game, 7.5 assists per game, and 4.5 rebounds a game, all excellent numbers by any standards, especially considering he’s thirty-four years old. That’s on the older side for an NBA player, and it’s older than Robertson was when Robertson decided to moderate his game after being traded to the Bucks as Robertson was thirty-two.)

Of course, Robertson and Lillard have both had the benefit of superior coaching, excellent teammates, and their own seemingly limitless energy, effort, and, to put it bluntly, brains. It takes all of that to sublimate yourself to the betterment of the team, and it’s incredibly hard to do. I applaud Lillard for doing it, as I believe he will indeed benefit from it in the long run.

Anyway, that’s it for now…I’m trying to heal up, so I can write, edit, comment, etc., more often.

I wish everyone who has read this far a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, a warm Winter Solstice, Merry Yuletide, and a fine celebration of life with your loved ones at this particular time of year. May the season bring you joy, peace, and magic…at least the human-type of magic a smile and honest caring brings.

Written by Barb Caffrey

December 19, 2024 at 4:28 am

Christmas Should Be About Giving

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Folks, this time of year is not easy for me. As I’ve previously written about the aspects of grief, loss, frustration, and being upset that my life has taken a different course than I’d hoped, I wanted to discuss something else today.

But before I do, I wanted to mention the flip sides of all the above. Yes, I’ve grieved very hard for my husband Michael, and also for my father. This shows how much I loved them, how much I cared, and in Michael’s case, how much I want to keep at least some of his work alive. Yes, I’ve felt much loss in my life, though that’s helped me identify what’s truly important to me: my creativity, my friends, my remaining family, and of course included in that are the family pets. (Sometimes our furry companions can be our very best friends. I still miss my dog, Trouble, and he died seven years ago.)

As far as my life taking a different course than I’d hoped…well, my original hopes were to be a professional musician. My health wasn’t good enough. It’s still not good enough. But studying music for over twenty years mattered to me, and I retain that knowledge. Then, of course, after I finally met Michael after being previously divorced (and him also being previously divorced, too), I’d hoped we’d have decades together. Instead, we only had a few, short years. But his life and presence and light made a huge difference to me, and still does; I’d not have changed that for anything.

Anyway, it’s time to discuss the holidays. Mainly, Christmas, though there are other holidays also associated with the time such as Yule, celebrating the winter solstice, and so on. Christmas is about Jesus’s life, and how he came into it in a rather humble manner. We’re supposed to help those less fortunate than ourselves without lording it over them that we have a lot, they have nothing, and without believing they should be grateful for our condescension in realizing they have very little.

My friend Betsy Lightfoot and her family are still struggling in Kansas City with basic needs. Her house burned, and while some of it is salvageable, it’s taken a lot of hard work and struggle to get to the point the power got turned back on. (I think that happened last week.) The house still isn’t livable, her health, not to mention her husband Jonathan’s health, isn’t good, their car is old and in need of repair, and basically they need all the help anyone can give them. Without condescension. With joy in your heart, if you can manage it, even…they truly are good people (they hosted me for a week back in 2005, and Betsy helped me and my mother close up her house before Mom moved into her apartment in 2016), they deserve far better than this, and I feel a bit guilty that I haven’t been able to send them anything as my own situation is not easy nor particularly sustainable. (Further the writer sayeth not, at least not about that. Maybe after the first of the year.)

I have hoped for a miracle, quite frankly, in Betsy and her family’s case. (I’ve also hoped for miracles in other cases and occasionally received them. See: finding Michael, that amazing 36-hour conversation we had over Christmas, the fact that he didn’t care about my weight, my health, or anything save my soul and my love for him…if that wasn’t a miracle, I don’t know what was.) They need a lot of help to get back up on their feet, as Betsy and her husband both are less healthy in many ways than I am. Betsy is a gifted writer, who had been about to put her first novel-length story up for sale…she has a novella called “The Ugly Knight” available via Amazon and its program Kindle Unlimited, which has its own charms but is obviously an early work, so this would’ve been her second major effort.

Why hasn’t that happened, though? Because the amount of work in getting a burned-down house back up to snuff is incredibly high, especially when you’re juggling your own health, your husband’s health, getting your son to work, making your health appointments, finding a temporary place to live…all that. It crowds out everything else, because there is no room for anything except “how do I get out of this mess that I didn’t create?”

I feel terrible for Betsy. I want her to be in a house that’s comfortable, livable, sustainable, and filled with joy and optimism. When that day comes, she’ll be able to go back to her novel, much less her other writing (she has at least two other novels in train). I want to help her get from here to there, which is why I urge you to go to her GiveSendGo account and do whatever you can.

Christmas is at least in part about helping the less fortunate. Betsy and her family qualify. I know it’s really tough for her to have to say how bad off they are, though she has in this recent blog post. If you can do anything at all to help her, please do.

To my mind, that’s what Christmas is all about.

Written by Barb Caffrey

December 9, 2024 at 4:22 pm

Illness, Thanksgiving, and Observing My Late Father’s Birthday

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My father was born around Thanksgiving, and even before I knew how to understand things like months, days, and years, I knew as early as three years old that if Thanksgiving was coming, Dad’s birthday would be soon.

Of course, Dad died last year about a month shy of his 87th birthday. Had he lived this long, he’d have turned 88.

There are so many things that have happened in the past year that would’ve pleased him. There were other things that would really have upset him, including the national uptick of bad behavior, rudeness, and obnoxiousness. In some quarters, it now seems perfectly acceptable to treat others with disdain, disrespect, and, quite frankly, dishonor.

Dad was a proud veteran of the United States Navy, and watching the country devolve into chaos would not have been his thing. The pandemic was more than bad enough as it brought out the worst in a whole lot of people that seemingly hasn’t gone away since.

Mind you, there are still many wonderful people out there. I think the majority of people in the United States, as well as around the world, are good, caring, decent, honorable, and kind-hearted people who want only to live and let live. We hear about the others because they are aberrations. But there seem to be more and more of them, and you see this sort of bad behavior everywhere nowadays. On the highways, with road-rage incidents and people shooting at each other. In the grocery store, where I’ve seen several fights break out over the years — more in the last few by far. Really, anywhere a person can congregate with another, including churches, mosques, or other buildings meant for faithful people to enjoy their religion/religious beliefs and others in their congregation, can hold a mass shooter.

Other countries do not put up with this, but the US does. I don’t know why. I’ve written about it many times over the years, and I’ll probably write about it even more when the next unthinkable incident happens.

It’s because of knowing this, along with observing my father’s birthday soon and then Thanksgiving later this week, that I have a hard time finding the blessings there still are.

But there are blessings. As I said, there are good people out there. The scenery can be beautiful. I’m fortunate that I live near Lake Michigan — it’s only a few short miles away — and I can gaze out at it any time of the year and gain some peace from that. Books have always been my salvation, too. Plus, I ponder a lot of moral conundrums, as it’s been my lot in life to be a spiritual seeker rather than a follower of any one religion. (I consider myself a NeoPagan, which most of you reading probably already know. But I read the Bible often for its beauty and elegance and feel it holds a lot of truth within it. I’ve also read translations of the Koran and some of the Bhavagad Gita, though not much of the latter stuck.) I consider Buddhism, as it was my late husband Michael’s practice, and try to let whatever part I can absorb infuse my soul with meaning and purpose. (That sounds odd, doesn’t it? Best I can do right now, though.) I have enjoyed reading about the Stoics and their movement of Stoicism, which isn’t exactly what we Americans think it was…yes, they believed in what one Star Trek writer called “mastery of the unavoidable,” but they didn’t believe you shouldn’t feel. They actually believed more along the lines of “don’t let the bad things throw you, as we all have bad things happen in our lives. What can we gain from life besides the bad things?”

Thanksgiving is a time to honor family, friends, and loved ones, past or present. I do plan to see my family, despite the fact I’m quite ill right now and have been for weeks.

(Some of you may be thinking, “Barb, what took you so long to talk about the illness you’re enduring?” I’m getting to that.)

About two weeks ago, I’d called my doctor’s office about my asthma, the fact my throat was sore, and that my allergies were acting up. I was seen, and told that it was most likely viral bronchitis. If I was still sick in a week, I should go back and be seen or walk into urgent care if it was a weekend.

So, yesterday, as I was still quite ill, I walked into urgent care. I was told I had an acute asthma exacerbation — thus the bronchospasms and bronchitis — along with a particularly wicked sinus infection that was spreading to my ears. I had so much fatigue that walking from my car to the house required several stops to rest, and that’s all wrong. I was very frightened by all of this, which I’ll admit here…I also didn’t want to eat anything, though I was still trying to eat, as my throat hurt so bad I could barely swallow.

I was using all my tricks to amp up my appetite, including drinking diet soda before and during meals. (For some reason, diet soda raises my appetite. I guess I’m not the only one this happens to, but I don’t know how frequently it happens to others.) During meals, I often drink diet soda or some other carbonated beverage in order to be able to swallow the food. (Two endoscopies have been performed in the last ten years to find out why this is and no one has any idea.) Plus, I knew that without food, I’d have no energy with which to heal myself.

Because I’ve got so many friends and family on the Other Side now, and fewer remain on this side, I thought a lot about why I continued to fight to stay on this plane of existence. Yes, I feel I have unfinished business. Yes, there’s editing to do. Yes, I’ve got I don’t know how many books in me to finish plus at least seven stories at work either singly or in collaboration with my friend Gail Sanders. Yes, my family needs me, and yes, I hope someday that I’ll find some nice man that can tolerate me (better yet, light up at the sight of me and enjoy all our interactions, but first things first) and that I can tolerate in return (again, I want a lot more than tolerance, but I tell myself, “Patience, grasshopper” in my best Kwai Chang Kane voice).

Still. My chest hurt so bad it was like a vise was around it. I couldn’t get a good breath. My cough was unproductive in the extreme, though intermittent. And until yesterday, I had been told it was viral and that I couldn’t do anything about it other than put up with it and hope it went away.

I’m fortunate that I still have medical insurance, though I wonder for how much longer. That said, I had it now, and I was able to get the medication I needed at a lower price than I’d have paid on my own after I was diagnosed with acute asthma exacerbation driving the bronchitis and a wicked sinus infection driving everything else.

Just knowing what’s wrong helps. Being able to take some medicine (in this case, antibiotics and steroids) that I know will work has improved my attitude overall, to the point I can at least come to my blog and write/talk about it.

I’m glad that the US still believes in helping those in need, those who are not as fortunate as others (I, a disabled, long-time and still youthful widow, count in that category). But the uptick in bad behavior has me concerned. If we as a country go all in for “I’ve got mine, to Hell with you!” we are doomed.

I think most of us want the US to be a strong and safe country with leaders that make sense and try to do the people’s bidding rather than go off on tangents and only fix their own, personal hobbyhorses. I also hope and pray that people in the US, as well as around the world, will know that putting someone else down does not make you rise up. It instead lowers you to your enemy’s level.

This has been a long blog. But it all weighs on me. Dad’s impending birthday, that I’ll probably celebrate out at the cemetery where he’s buried. Thanksgiving, where half the country seems to hate the other half. This illness, which came too close to me just saying, “OK, if my time’s up, it’s up.” (When you can’t breathe well, you can’t think, you don’t really have much in the way of energy as I said before, and trying to find positives seems like a Herculean effort.)

I hope those of you who are ill right now, in body, mind, or spirit will know that you are worth it whether anyone else knows it or not. I also hope that this Thanksgiving will be one of reconciliation and kindness. Somehow.

If you want to light a candle, though, please do it. Pray for peace, especially in the Middle East and the Ukraine. Pray for wisdom among our elected leaders. Pray for strength for ourselves, and healing, too. Pray for the downtrodden, those marginalized by bad circumstances, by faults not their own, and pray their situations get better. (Here I’m thinking about the Sudan, much of the problems Middle Eastern women have, and other such things along with the prosaic.)

If you want to add to your prayers, say a prayer for my father, who I hope is in Heaven/the positive afterlife of his choice now. Or you could even say one for me, and I can’t stop you…(I know it’s a weak joke, but that’s all I’ve got right now).

Please have the best Thanksgiving holiday you can, though. Try to find the good in your relatives, even if they are difficult and insist on only the choicest cuts of turkey and hog all the dressing to themselves. (You can always wait until they get up to use the bathroom and grab the rest of the dressing if they refuse to give it up, you know.)

Find meaning and purpose however you can. Remember, don’t spread vitriol, and do be kind to others.

That’s what I want this week. That’s what I want always.

Written by Barb Caffrey

November 25, 2024 at 6:06 am

Musing on Life’s Purpose

with 2 comments

There’s a lot of angst right now, partly due to election season and partly because of other factors. But we all need to realize this: We have a purpose in this life even if we don’t know what it is.

If we can do one good thing for someone else, just one, that can move mountains in time. It doesn’t seem like it. It’s maybe an incremental change, rather than a sweeping one…but doing something good for someone else just because is one of the best virtues I know.

The way I define success is, “Did you make any positive difference for anyone?” And, honestly, I think most of us do. We’re not perfect by any means, but most of us try to be good to others, at least some of the time — or to help someone we don’t know, because it’s needed in that moment.

I’ve run into a lot of different things in my life that have changed the course of it significantly. Some were very good, such as meeting and marrying Michael, my late husband. Some were not good. Some were just plain bad, in fact. But when you look back on your life, you can sometimes find small moments that made a huge difference.

My small moment was this: I had been divorced, I’d just gotten out of a relationship that hadn’t gone the way I’d hoped, and then I met Michael. I had a choice: could I open my heart to him, despite how badly I’d been hurt? Or was I going to just drown in the sorrow of it all?

I chose the risk. I opened my heart.

As difficult as it has been to be without Michael all these years since his passing, it would’ve been far, far worse for me to have stayed closed and to have kept Michael at arm’s length. I’d have missed out on great love, happiness, true understanding…the two of us wanted to be around each other, wanted to make each other’s lives better. We could talk about anything for hours. We could sometimes even sit in silence, holding hands, looking at one another, and be perfectly content.

I was right to choose the risk. But no one would’ve blamed me (except myself, of course) had I said, “I have had enough of men, thank you!” and not done so.

The main reason I fight so hard to make any sort of positive difference I can in this life is that I believe Michael being in my life at all was a miracle. I know that has to sound very odd, maybe even a bit woo-woo/out there. But it’s what I believe.

So, if I had turned my face to the wall (metaphorically speaking) years ago, and not opened my heart, I’d have missed out on that miracle. I am glad I didn’t miss out.

For those of you who are hurting for various reasons, I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Good human beings care about one another and try to help when they can. (I know I’ve been overloaded lately, as I said in my last blog. But I still try to do something, anything, that’s positive, even if it’s just wishing the cashier at the market a good day and telling them they did a great job.) Good human beings notice when you’re making your best effort, and that does matter.

It may seem like it doesn’t. But don’t believe that.

Believe that you are worthy. Worthy of love, worthy of friendship, worthy of understanding, care, and concern.

Don’t let anyone, ever, grind you down into nothing. You are worth more than that.

Written by Barb Caffrey

November 7, 2024 at 4:48 am

Posted in Faith, friendship, in general, Informational Stuff, Inspirational stuff, Michael B. Caffrey, Persistence, Prescient observations, Writing

Tagged with bible, jesus, life, life's purpose, love, mental health, spiritual sustenance

Barb Caffrey's Blog

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Musing on Life’s Purpose

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