Forgiveness (Especially of the Self), Easter, and Faith
Before I get into today’s blog, I’d like to first wish you a happy Easter weekend. I have many friends who will be celebrating Easter, and I hope their celebration will help them find a renewal of their faith and give them a sense of peace regardless of the struggles going on in their lives.
I have a great reverence for Easter as a holiday. It’s about forgiveness, or at least it should be**, as much as it’s about Jesus rising from the dead and giving hope to the rest of humanity.
Granted, hope is a very valuable thing, and can’t be underrated. But I’d rather talk about forgiveness, most especially self-forgiveness, as most of us aren’t too good at either thing.
Why? Because it’s easy to beat ourselves up, that’s why.
Someone who’s creative spends a lot of time thinking. Those of us who create have to do this; it’s part of the job description. Most of the time, thinking brings up all sorts of interesting ideas…but sometimes, thinking brings up stuff we’d rather not admit to, including our faults and how we can’t seem to get past them for all our trying. And that leads to guilt, fear, and self-abnegation, among other not-so-nice things…if you’re anything like me, sometimes you get into a spiral that you can’t seem to get out of, and it can be very hard to remember that you’re human and are going to make mistakes.
What is it about mistakes, anyway? Why can’t we forgive ourselves for making them, but we’ll forgive our friends, our family, or even our world leaders for their mistakes?
Yet if we believe in something beyond ourselves, we should try to remember that we’re here to learn. And you can’t learn without making mistakes.
Why not? It’s impossible; if we always did things right the first time, what would be the impetus to learn a different, potentially better, way?
So, if you believe in any sort of Higher Power, one of the things you need to remember is to forgive yourself once in a while.
It’s very hard to do. (Much harder to do than to say, and it’s not that easy to say, either.) But it’s essential, or you can’t grow as a human being.
So, this Easter weekend, try to remember to give yourself a break now and again as you work on your trespasses…including your trespasses against yourself. (OK?)
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**Jesus more or less forgave everyone after he rose from the dead, including those who betrayed him (some unwitting, some not). If he could still love those who hated him, and who’d betrayed him, I think we all can try to do the same. (No, it’s not easy. Yes, it will take time. But yes, you should try, regardless of what actual faith you profess, including atheism. It may make you a less angry person, more forgiving, and more able to see joy…and we all should want that whether we admit to it or not.)
FSFNet has a #DEAR Sale today (so “Drop Everything, and Read”)
Today is April 12, 2017. And as the Fantasy and Science Fiction Network (FSFNet for short) has a sale today, I thought I should let you all know about it.
(Yes, I’m a member, and yes, I’m partaking in this sale — and an author chat at 7:30 CDT today on Facebook. But I’ll get there.)
First, take a look at this cool graphic:
OK, got that? It’s a sale, and we at FSFNet are doing our best to promote literacy. So, we’re letting people know we have books for sale that are half off or low-priced, in the hopes that a few people will realize we’re out here, and want to read our books, thus promoting literacy.
And hey, there’s a lot of good books to be had by FSFNet members that will amuse you, entertain you, and perhaps even keep you up past your bedtime…in a good way.
Here’s a link to more about this event, by FSFNet author Cheryllynn Dyess:
http://fsfnet.com/2017/03/15/drop-everything-and-read-event/
The book I put up for sale (or at least for notice) is AN ELFY ON THE LOOSE. It’s ninety-nine cents USD, and it’s a fast-paced, witty young adult fantasy with heart, a bit of romance, ghosts, and did I mention puns?
Here’s a pic of the cover for AN ELFY ON THE LOOSE:
And the blurb:
One Elfy for an entire planet?
He’s supposed to be the Watcher for his people, the representative on Earth from his dimension, but the small being known to his enemies as “Jonny-Wonny” wakes up to big trouble — trapped in a bizarre house in Knightsville, California with humans straight out of reality TV. Jon knows that something has gone dreadfully wrong — he’s starving, lonely and dressed in funny clothes.
Enter the couple’s ten-year-old diminutive daughter, who is “Not Daisy!” but is brilliant, sweet…and using high level magic with ease. She’s also desperately in need of a friend.
Insisting her name is really Sarah, and christening him Bruno, his new friend asks him how they’re going to get out of there.
The only thing that comes to mind is for Bruno to ask his teacher, Roberto the Wise, for help. But Roberto’s attempt at help only enmeshes all three of them further in a web of deceit and treachery. Bruno finds out that, unfortunately, most of what he thought he knew about himself was very wrong…and much of what Sarah knows about herself is also wrong, including her age.
Worst of all, a Dark Elf is on the scene and is intent on corrupting the local Humans, including Sarah’s parents.
New names, new locations, a new mission–Bruno is going to get to the bottom of all the craziness, and Sarah will be there for him every step of the way.
Watch out, universe–an Elfy is on the loose!
So please, do let people know that the FSFNet sale is going on today, if you can. (OK? Good.)
Changing Faces by @BarbCaffrey Moved Me to Tears! #bookreview #LGBT #FridayReads
You really can’t ask for more than this. Mrs. N completely understood CHANGING FACES and is a tough critic; she only rarely gives novels five stars. So a strong four-star review from her means more than most other five-stars…thank you so much, Mrs. N! (Now go read this review right now.)
#SundayBlogShare: When Writing Is Like Gardening…
Folks, I recently took part in the Authors in Bloom blog hop, where the subject was either gardening or recipes. I talked about how I don’t garden (because I’m bad at gardening), but that got me to thinking…isn’t writing like gardening, too?
Think about it for a moment.
In farming, you get your plot of land, and you make sure it’s fertilized before you plant anything. Then you put your initial seeds in the ground and wait.
But in writing, this is when inspiration strikes, or when you first get an idea you can’t ignore. You get as much down as you can, knowing tomorrow you will keep building on your idea as you see fit.
So, you have to water, nurture, and weed your garden, just as you have to water, nurture, and weed your writing. (The weeding, in this case, would be self-editing.) Both are long-term projects that require a great deal of time, effort, and understanding in order to get anything done, and if you make a big enough mistake, your garden (or your writing) will not turn out the way you’d hoped.
Fortunately, you can correct your big mistakes with some forethought, nine times out of ten. And that tenth time, where you can’t, you can use for future reference as a guidepost of “what not to do,” so you still get something out of the experience…albeit not what you’d hoped for in the first place.
But life is like that, isn’t it? We don’t always get what we’d planned on. (In fact, we get what we’d planned on so rarely, it’s a miracle any of us still plan. But I digress.) We have to roll with the punches, whether it’s too much rain (too many distractions or life-interruptions), too little rain (not enough time for ourselves, maybe), too much fertilizer (we edited too much out), too little fertilizer (we haven’t edited enough)…the list goes on and on.
How do we grow anything worth eating, then? (Or how do we write anything readable?)
I think it’s a matter of trial and error on the one hand, and sheer bloody-mindedness on the other. We keep working at it until we find a process that seems to make sense, and then we go with that. And if one way doesn’t work, try, try, try again until you find a way that does.
That, to my mind, is how gardening and writing are alike.
What d’you think? Tell me about it in the comments!
#AuthorsinBloom Blog-Hop: Why I Don’t Garden
Folks, I’m taking part in the sixth annual Authors in Bloom Blog Hop. And as such, I had to choose between writing about gardening, or writing about recipes.
See, gardening is something people start doing a whole lot more of, when we get into the spring. And making meals from our own gardens, or from fresh produce bought at a Farmer’s Market stall, seems to dovetail with that.
So, let’s get started on why I, personally, do not garden…after I show you this lovely graphic blog-hop starter Dianne Venetta came up with:
So, as I said above, I love this time of year. There’s all sorts of good veggies growing, there’s the promise of spring and new life and second chances…and I love gardens.
But no, I do not garden myself.
Why? Well, it’s a combination of three reasons.
First, I would rather stay away from the great outdoors during spring because bees and wasps wake back up along with everything else…and I am very allergic to them, so allergic that I’ve had to be rushed to the hospital a couple of times after being stung.
Second, I seem to have what’s commonly known as a “black thumb,” meaning I don’t seem to grow anything very well…and things others start in the garden and I try to finish die, too, no matter how much fertilizer I use or how well I follow the instructions of the previous gardener.
And third? Well, my hands are not that wonderful, as I deal with carpal tunnel syndrome on a daily basis. Dealing with hands that cramp up or drop things seemingly at random is not pleasant at the best of times, and it’s much more unpleasant in the garden when you’re using things like gardening shears, hoes, rakes, spades, etc. (Picture the stubbed toes, the long scratches cutting through my sturdy pants from the gardening shears as they fall, always toward my legs or arms or some vitally important place…and then say, “No, thanks.”)
So, that’s why I don’t garden. But it’s why I do enjoy getting food from the local Farmer’s Market, and trying all sorts of new veggie dishes…because half the fun of that is letting someone else do the work.
Before I go, here’s a bit about me that you might like to know:
BARB CAFFREY is a musician, composer, writer, and editor from the Midwest. She loves science fiction, fantasy, and romance, and tends to write some combination thereof nine times out of ten…her latest books are the YA urban fantasy/romance A LITTLE ELFY IN BIG TROUBLE and the LGBT-friendly contemporary romance CHANGING FACES.
As to what I’m going to give away? I figured I’d give the lucky winners various books and stories, ’cause I am a writer and that’s what I do. If you love romance, I’ve got something for you; if you love SF&F, I have something else for you; if you love it all, well, I definitely, decidedly, one-hundred-percent have something for you!
Now, it’s best for you to get to hopping, and find the next blog…lots of interesting stuff awaits!
http://www.linkytools.com/wordpress_list.aspx?id=276327&type=basic
Reflections on Funerals — and Lives Well-Lived
Folks, this last week was not an easy one around Chez Caffrey.
Why? Well, my aunt Laurice passed away suddenly last week, and this week was her funeral. I saw many of my relatives for the first time in years, talked with my cousins and others, and paid my respects to my aunt’s memory.
My aunt was a very good woman, you see. She lived her faith, and believed strongly in the goodness of others. She was a kind person, she cared, and I remember her fondly for many reasons — but most particularly because she went to many of my concerts, sitting proudly besides my parents (and sometimes my grandmother as well).
My aunt didn’t have to do that. But she loved music, and she loved family. Going to concerts for one of her nieces — or later, two of ’em, as my sister and I played in many groups together over the years — was not a hardship for her.
Remembering that helps to temper the grief I feel. And knowing that my cousins have it far, far worse than I do — as do their own kids, no doubt — doesn’t help much.
Grief shared is supposed to be grief halved. And maybe it is. But when you first lose someone special, you can’t feel that your grief has been halved, because the grief is so overpowering, even half of it feels like more than you can bear.
Still, we all are born into this life knowing we’re here for a short time. It’s what we do while we’re here that matters; those actions will live on in others, and help to keep our spirit and memories alive.
If you think about it, a person’s spirit and the memories you shared with that person is vitally important. Because it’s those things that determine how you think about them, how often you think about them, and what you do when you think about them…
My aunt was a special woman. She cared about others. I’m glad that I remember that, and will do my best to honor her memory in the best way I possibly can…by caring about others, and thinking about her while I do it. (I think she’d like that.)
Sunday Reflection…about CHANGING FACES?
Folks, over the last month or so, I’ve told you a lot about my new novel, CHANGING FACES. I’ve told you some of what I was about when I wrote it, and about my process in writing it, and about all sorts of other stuff…but as it’s Sunday, I thought I’d tell you the real reason I kept going.
After my husband Michael died in 2004, I was absolutely devastated. (I think everyone who regularly reads my blog knows this.) For a while, I didn’t recognize myself, at all…I was in so much pain, I could not create, could not write, could not play music, and saw no purpose to my life at all.
In the middle of 2005, one of my good friends asked me to come to Kansas City for a convention, ConQuesT. I had another friend offer to pay for my expenses while I was there; she and her family put me up in her house. It was the first time I’d tried to go that far away since Michael died, and because I was worried about the length of the drive, I took the Amtrak train from Chicago.
Little did I know that doing that would change my life. But it did.
I went to the convention, stayed with my friends, talked with my other friend (who was also at the convention), met some writers, all that. I felt a little better, being around people who were more like me; they didn’t see me as inherently flawed, inherently broken, or inherently irredeemable, just because my beloved husband was dead.
But that was not what changed things. (I’m getting to that, trust me.)
On the way back to Chicago, I met a minister and his wife. His name was Reverend Evans, and was an older black gentleman. He told me about his life, and his work, but mostly listened to me as I told him about everything going on — my frustration, pain, anger, rage, all that. And about how I couldn’t write, but had two novels in progress — ELFY, and CHANGING FACES. And that I wondered if there was any reason, any reason at all, I was still alive.
Rev. Evans could’ve easily thrown platitudes my way. But he didn’t.
Instead, he said that God is love, and that I knew that, because I’d seen it. Reflected in the eyes of my husband, for one; and in every word I wrote, and had ever written, for another.
This all made sense to me.
And he talked a great deal about CHANGING FACES. He said he thought I was still here to finish it. Because the world needed to know that we all need love. Regardless of race, creed, sexuality, gender preference, love is what matters.
And finding love, reflecting that love, is what’s most important.
But believing in yourself, and your talents, is also important.
Why?
Because that’s how we best enhance the Godhead.
See, our creativity comes from the Higher Power, and as such, when we are creative, we are reflecting that love and faith…and it gives back to the universe, which gives back to us.
I view talking to Reverend Evans as one of the most pivotal moments of my life. He reminded me that I still had things to do. And that even though Michael had been embraced by God/dess, and was no longer here for me to embrace, I could still be a testament to that love, so long as I kept trying.
And I’d like to think that in getting ELFY published (albeit in two parts, as AN ELFY ON THE LOOSE and A LITTLE ELFY IN BIG TROUBLE) along with CHANGING FACES, I have done some of what I was put here to do.
*****
There are two guest blogs I’d also like to point you to, before I go. The first is new today, and is up at Kayelle Allen’s blog…it’s about writing bisexual characters. (Or at least a bisexual character.)
Here’s a bit from that:
Now, as to why (Elaine) still couldn’t accept herself as gender-fluid easily? Well, as a society, we’re only beginning to learn about people who don’t always feel male or female. Sometimes they feel one way, sometimes another, maybe a third time they have a mix of both traits. Gender preference is not the same thing as sexuality; not by a mile.
So, Elaine has dated women and men. She sees the worth of a person and is not automatically attracted only to one sex. In a way, Elaine isn’t attracted by anyone, sexually. She’s only attracted mentally and emotionally, and then, much later, sex comes into the picture. But that’s not that strange, considering she’s a scholarly sort. She can see into a person, and evaluate who that person is, in a way most people don’t. She doesn’t even think to do this because how she views people is part of who she is.
Ultimately, love is love. Who you love is far more important than what gender your love happens to be. Seeing a person’s soul, seeing a person’s heart, seeing a person’s worth, is far more important than whether that person is straight, gay, bisexual, or Martian.
Obviously, I believe this. (So did Reverend Evans. So did my late husband, Michael.)
And the second is an interview with Mayra Calvani; here’s a bit from that about my favorite authors (hint, hint — I mention Katharine Kimbriel, Jason Cordova, and Chris Nuttall here, so do tell your friends):
First, Lois McMaster Bujold is one of the best writers working today. She combines humor, scientific expertise, world building, romance, characterization, heart, and much more in a package that is incredibly appealing. She’s considered one of science fiction and fantasy’s modern masters by many, and for good reason.
Second, the work of Katharine Eliska Kimbriel is phenomenal. She has written three hard SF books in her Chronicles of Nuala series, and three alternate history/fantasy books in her Night Calls series. They are all excellent books with great writing, wonderful characterization, world building to spare, humor that arises from the characterization…just can’t say enough about her books. (And that she isn’t as well-known as LMB just vexes me. Writing of this quality should be celebrated far and wide, methinks.)
Third, I’m fond of Linnea Sinclair. She combines romance and SF in a way I find very appealing.
Fourth, my early mentor, Rosemary Edghill, writes exceptionally well in a wide variety of genres, from detective stories to Regency romance to urban fantasy (and beyond). The way she uses language is wonderful, and I always learn from her work, whenever I pick it up. (It’s like meeting an old friend.)
“But Barb,” I hear you protest. “What about the male authors?”
Oh, I have a number of favorites there, too. Robert A. Heinlein, Stephen R. Donaldson, David Weber, Dave Freer, Eric Flint…and don’t discount my friends Chris Nuttall or Jason Cordova, either. (Chris is so prolific, he’s put out at least ten books a year in various genres for five years running. Chris has gotten so good, he just might end up with one of those major awards like the Hugo or Nebula one of these years. And Jason can write anything…just give him time, and he’ll figure out a way to write it and sell a ton of books. That’s just how he is.)
So, there you have it.
Have a good Sunday, folks.
In Memoriam: My Aunt Laurice Dies at 85
Folks, I’m going to put a temporary moratorium on book promotional posts, as something far more important happened today.
My Aunt Laurice, my father’s oldest sister, died today at age 85 in her sleep. This was not expected in the least; she was waiting for one of my cousins to take her to physical therapy, and apparently had nodded off in a chair (according to what my father told me).
There are worse ways to go than in your own home, quietly and peacefully. But I still feel terrible about this. My Aunt was a very kindhearted woman, and perfectly epitomized the phrase “the salt of the Earth.” She truly cared about people, loved music (sang in an all-women’s choir called Opus 2000, originally known as the Sweet Adelines), played the piano, taught kindergarten…loved family gatherings.
And I haven’t even touched the surface of the memories I have regarding Aunt Laurice. Because in retrospect, I was fortunate; I grew up in Racine, and my aunt lived here also…so I got to know her very, very well.
What I can say right now is that I truly admired my aunt. She was an intelligent woman who loved her family and believed in the Golden Rule. She was married for nearly sixty-two years, which is a testament to her belief in the power of love and family. She loved kids, all kids…she read widely, loved deeply, and appreciated life as much as she possibly could.
While I mourn her death, I am doing my best to remember to celebrate her life. Because it was remarkable…it was a tapestry that in its way will never end, so long as we remember her.
Two New Guest Appearances, Plus NCAA Tourney Thoughts
Folks, before I get to my NCAA Tournament thoughts, here’s the links to two more guest appearances…one an interview, one a blog “meet and greet” sort of deal.
The first is for the influential Blogcritics.org…Mayra Calvani interviewed me, and the interview is posted here.
And here’s a bit from that, talking about some of the difficulties I had while writing CHANGING FACES:
What type of challenges did you face while writing this book?
Quite a few, actually. First, when I started writing this book over ten years ago, there wasn’t as much known about transgender people in popular culture as there is now. In addition, there was almost nothing about gender fluid people, which is what Elaine actually is…sometimes she feels male, sometimes she feels female, and either way she doesn’t feel particularly comfortable in her body.
Second, because I am not LGBT myself, I wanted to be faithful to the issues LGBT people face. I read a great deal, talked with some friends who are LGBT, and tried to think about Elaine the same way I’d think about a good friend. How can I help her be easier with herself? (As Elaine resolutely likes the female pronoun, even later, after her face is changed, she still goes by “she” in private.) How can I help her accept the love that’s offered, even if it’s not the way she’d ever expected it?
Third, I wanted to make sure that Allen and Elaine were both well-represented. I had Allen’s character down early. But Elaine was far more elusive. She’s prone to making sarcastic cracks, and hides her vulnerability because of problems in her past. And she thinks if she tells Allen who and what she is, he’ll run away…but that’s because she doesn’t trust herself enough to believe that she’s made the right choice in Allen as much as anything else.
There’s much more, mind, including questions regarding how I define success, how I deal with writer’s anxiety, advice for new authors. So please, do, check out the interview at Blogcritics.org, up now.
The second guest appearance is a type of blog meet-and-greet, where folks who haven’t yet seen anything about me are invited to “meet Barb Caffrey.” This post is up at the Book Marketing Network, and here’s a bit from that, again talking mostly about my new novel, CHANGING FACES:
Q: Setting is also quite important and in many cases it becomes like a character itself. What tools of the trade did you use in your writing to bring the setting to life?
A: I lived in Nebraska for three years when I went to graduate school. I felt the heat, I saw the vivid colors of the sunsets and sunrises, I felt the scorching cold, and I knew exactly how to describe it.It’s hard to explain, otherwise, but I’ll do my best.
If you’ve experienced something, that helps you to describe it. And I experienced Nebraska. I even met some LGBT people in Lincoln, when I lived there; there weren’t many, but there were some, and most of them, at the time (this being the late 1990s/early 2000s) did not want to call attention to themselves. The goal at that point was for civil unions to be accepted in various churches, and there were many disagreements about this.
So, it was important to me to set this story in Nebraska. These are two people who could live anywhere. They have talent in music, they are creative, they are honest, they love each other. But one of them is transgender and gender-fluid, and yet their love is like anyone else’s, and their communication problems are like anyone else’s, too.
It’s important that society as a whole comes to realize that people are people, and regardless of gender expression or sexuality, they are deserving of love and happiness and care. Whatever form that love and happiness takes (providing it’s consensual, preferably monogamous, and with people who are adult so they can make their own choices and take their own risks) ultimately does not matter.
Only the love matters. And that’s why I set this story in Nebraska in the first place, because it showcases just how much times have changed…and yet, remained the same.
Anyway, I hope you will check both of those guest appearances out, and enjoy them. But now, it’s time for some NCAA Tourney thoughts…especially as it is that time of year again.
Being from Wisconsin, it’s almost impossible to miss the NCAAs this year, as there will be two rounds held in Milwaukee at the Bradley Center (home of the Milwaukee Bucks NBA team). Here are the eight teams that will be playing in Milwaukee:
Winthrop
Middle Tennessee State
Butler
Minnesota
Purdue
Iowa State
Vermont
Nevada
Notice something interesting there? Aside from the two Big Ten teams (Minnesota and Purdue), and Iowa State, most of these teams will not be likely to have big contingents of people traveling with them. (From the fan perspective, I mean. All of them will have entourages of coaches, physical therapists, players, players’ families, etc.)
And the only reason the two Big Ten teams plus Iowa State will be likely to have more of a presence from the fan side of it all is because all three of those teams are within fairly easy driving distance. So fans can drive down to Milwaukee, take in the game, stay overnight, and drive back without too much distress.
Basically, Milwaukee did not get the “sexy Regional.” But we may have received some very solid teams that will play good, interesting games…Minnesota, for example, is known for playing a good brand of team basketball that could do well in the NCAAs, if they get past their first-round opponent.
As for the rest of the NCAAs, there are the usual suspects — Duke, Louisville, Kentucky, etc. — along with some intriguing newcomers (like Middle Tennessee State, which just so happens to be in the Milwaukee Regional). I don’t know what to make of this particular bracket, mind, because there are a lot of teams that are either completely unknown to me — I’ve never seen them, not on TV, not in person, not ever — or are ones I know to be evenly matched on paper (such as the Wisconsin-Virginia Tech game on Friday).
Bluntly, I don’t plan to fill out a bracket at all. I never do that well anyway, unless a bunch of upsets do well for a change…which means my (former) brackets look good for a minute, before they crash and burn.
So my plan is to watch good basketball. And root for the underdogs.
What’s your plan? Tell me about it in the comments!
Barb Caffrey's Blog 