Friendship Matters
It’s time for an update post, folks. But I wanted to do it a little differently this time, and start out by thanking my friends.
Because friendship matters, you see. People who support you when you’re down, when you’re frustrated, when you’re wondering if anything you do matters, and when nothing seems to be going right are worth their weight in gold.
I am very fortunate to have a number of great friends. They are supportive, encouraging, sometimes inspirational, bracing, funny, kind, and give me a great deal of advice — most of it good, some of it exceptional.
2016 has been a rotten year for me in many respects. Living situation, health, and finances all were not what I wanted them to be. I haven’t been able to help others the way I wanted to, either, which is frustrating as Hell…because I figure if I’m here on this Earth, I should do whatever I can to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
Yeah, that’s a catchphrase. But it’s also true. I want to do what I can to help other people. Some days I’m better at that than others, but that is always my goal. And this year, I don’t think I’ve met that goal at all.
Anyway, as for the update part of this post: CHANGING FACES is nearly done. (Don’t celebrate yet, but do think good thoughts that I can finish up the few remaining bits, will you?) I’m happy about that, and happy with the progress I’ve made on it.
As for an estimated time of arrival? If I can do what I need to do this week, I might have a shot at it coming out in mid-December of 2016 — this according to my publisher. All of it depends on me finishing this book ASAP and getting it to my long-suffering editor to read over as well as whatever first readers I can finagle or bribe find who can read my novel in a hurry and give me some sort of honest reaction.
Writing this year has been a struggle because so many other things around me that were completely out of my control went wrong. But if I can finish CHANGING FACES well, that matters to me…and I hope it matters to you as well.
Stay safe this week, folks, and do vote, regardless of whomever you’re voting for. (I voted early, so I’m done with that mess.) Voting is important, even in a year like 2016 where we’ve seen more mud and vitriol and nonsense than perhaps ever before — I say “perhaps” because 1876 was a pretty bad year in that regard, too.
More updates as I have ’em, and more blog subjects this week await. (As always.)
Have an excellent week!
Refuse to Give Up
Folks, I only have a few words for you today, but here goes:
Refuse to give up.
As my ongoing housing crisis continues, I’ve struggled to finish CHANGING FACES. I believe in this story, and have been working on it in one form or another for the last fourteen years. The stress has been enormous to do everything that needs to be done, yet continue to write as that’s vitally important to me.
If I do my job well, no one’s going to care in a year, or ten years, or whatever, that I endured hardship and travail while finishing up this novel. (Nor should they, as the hope is the work stands or falls on its own merit.) And that thought is slightly heartening, oddly liberating…but it’s not as important as the one I already gave you.
In your own lives, you probably have endured much difficulty and stress. Writing — doing something creative, that comes from your heart and soul and mind — is not easy when you’re going through all that. But providing you find a way to keep doing it as you’re able, the journey is worth it…and the end result should be worth it, too.
So, if you’ve learned nothing else about me in all the years I’ve written this blog, know this:
I refuse to give up. And so should you.
Challenge Your Assumptions
Folks, I needed to take time out from packing, sorting, and moving-type stuff to tell you something I’ve found to enrich my life immensely.
What is it? The need to constantly, constantly challenge your own assumptions.
“But why, Barb?” you ask.
We live in an increasingly polarized world that seems to be filled with echo chambers.Many people only associate with those who agree with every single thing they say — whether it’s online or offline, that means their own assumptions are not getting challenged.
And that’s not a good thing.
You see, if you don’t challenge your own assumptions now and again, you’re being intellectually lazy. And that’s boring…plus, it shows that you haven’t thought everything through. That may lead to problems later on that could be exploited by others for their own gain, or at least for your own detriment.
That could be embarrassing. At best.
So that’s one reason to start challenging yourself and your assumptions.
Another reason is that if you are willing to challenge your own assumptions, you may be able to have friends with different beliefs than your own. Then, you can learn from them — maybe they learn from you, too? — and you become a wiser, kinder, and better person overall. (Hey, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)
So, that’s why I try every day to challenge at least a few of my assumptions…I may stay with the ones I had originally, or I may not, but either way, I’m not living an intellectually lazy life.
And that matters.
Anyway, back to moving work, already in progress…
#MondayInspiration: Be Your Best Self
Folks, I continue to struggle with the housing crisis. But I wanted to make sure I wrote a blog today, as it’s Monday…we all need inspiration, and Monday seems to be the best day to put something up that might help someone, somewhere.
“But why, Barb, do you say I should be my best self? How is that inspirational in any way?” you ask.
Um, because being your best self isn’t always easy. Things happen, like my current housing crisis, that can throw you off your game. That makes it harder for you to tap into your creativity, and harder to do anything positive, because it doesn’t seem to matter much anyway.
But it truly does.
When you think your creativity doesn’t matter is precisely when it does. It’s your way of striking back against the darkness in your life. Against the stuff that’s going wrong, that maybe you can’t fix, that maybe you can’t even fathom…it’s your way of saying, “Hey, universe, you may have me by the throat, but you can’t break me.”
Look, folks. The courage to create is often tied up in two things: being willing to look stupid for a teensy bit (in order to get something important out), and knowing that you might well fail time and time again (because only in failure can you find your way through to success). These two things seem antithetical to creativity, but for some reason, they can also be a catalyst if you work it just right.
Yes, it’s paradoxical, that you can use these two things to fuel your creativity and fuel yourself during difficult and stressful times. But it works…it allows you to keep trying, because you aren’t as afraid to look stupid. And it allows you to keep working hard, even knowing that your first, second, third, or even sixty-first attempt might not be what you want…but the sixty-second just might be.
The main thing I want to impress upon you, readers, is this: You have to keep trying. Whatever creative spark that is in you, you need to encourage it to flower. You can’t give up, just because times are hard and bad…you have to do whatever you can, even if it’s very small, even if it seems unimportant, because that’s your way of being your best self.
Or at least your best creative self.
Anyway, what do you do when you feel up against it, and need to create? (Watch cat GIFs?) I’d love to hear about it in the comments.
Writing During Stressful Times
Folks, I’m glad I can post something a little happier today.
During all this upheaval, I’ve continued to work on CHANGING FACES, and occasionally, other stories as I’ve had them. (CF is obviously the priority, though.) Sometimes, it’s slow-going. Other times, it flows out like water, and makes so much sense, I look at it and go, “Did I really write that?”
I think we all feel that way, as creative people. Whether you’re a writer, or a musician, or a cake-baker, or any other creative pursuit, there are times when creation is difficult. And there are times when it seemingly comes as easy as breathing.
Right now, I’m dealing with a lot of stress. Yet I must write, and I must finish CF as fast as I can, but also as well as I can. A hasty effort after all this time and energy put in would waste what I’ve done already.
I know what I need to do, you see. These stressful times may slow me up, but damn it, they’re not going to stop me.
So, last night I worked on chapters 46 and 47. And I’m proud of that, as it’s not easy to believe in something better right now…but I did it, and I’m glad.
As for how others get through stressful times in their lives but still write, I don’t know. In the past, I’ve written prose notes (what I think is going on with the story, without dialogue) if I have nothing else, just to make progress; I’ve also looked at the work-in-progress and meditated on what I’ve already done, to remind me that I don’t have to give in to the fear that the stress will keep me from completing my work in a timely fashion.
And sometimes, I go back and read other things I’ve written, just to remind myself I have a long baseline. I’ve created before and will create again, and just because I have an off night or a series of off nights, that does not at all mean I’m done and can’t do anything else, ever. (That is melodrama, and I need to stop that, cold.)
If anyone else has any tips for writing while under great stress, though, I’d love to hear ’em!
#MilitarySFSunday: A Guest Post by Martin D. Hall
Folks, a while back I wrote a guest post for Chris the Story-Reading Ape’s busy blog that I re-blogged here called “What is Military Science Fiction, Anyway?” I enjoyed writing that, and thought it might spark a conversation…and, fortunately, it has.
Writer Martin D. Hall (who often writes as M.D. Hall) wrote me a lovely essay, and sent it to me…so, for your Sunday delectation, here it is. Enjoy!
I read an interesting guest post here, entitled: “What is Military Science Fiction, Anyway?” As I explored its message, I thought about the nature of military science fiction. It occurred to me that most sci fi falls into “military”, regardless of whether the writer intends it. This can happen even when, at first sight, it isn’t a prime element, for example: “The Time Machine”, where our traveller ultimately encounters a military force of sorts. “2001” is set against a cold war backdrop. Our intrepid explorers are sent out, ostensibly, to seek contact with a sentient race, but isn’t it likely that those funding the expedition were seeking a military advantage? Once David Bowman metamorphoses into the ‘Star Child’, he returns to Earth, detonates an orbiting warhead, thereby de-escalating a global conflict; we’ll visit “3001” shortly.
In pondering the invasiveness of military elements throughout science fiction, I was like an archaeologist who unearths a first century Roman pot, I brushed away more loose soil, and there it was: the remains of a bronze age dagger. No, it wasn’t a real dagger, but my imagery might be apposite … I uncovered another question: what place does violence occupy in science fiction?
While I’m sure you will find examples of non-military science fiction, it’s hard to find non-violent science fiction … Not impossible, but rare. Invariably, the use of violence, or force, if you will, underpins most the genre, with some modern day readers demanding a quick hit, before their attention wanders. In the case of “2001” they get it when a sure sign of our hairy ancestor’s accelerated evolution – courtesy of the monolith – is to crush another hominid’s head with a club.
How is the violence most easily exploited? In a military scenario, of course. Naturally, for balance, there needs to be political intrigue, and character development within the military arc: the hardening of some characters and the softening of others; the blurring of lines demarcating good and evil; above all humour, but weaving through it all is the use, threat, or fear of violence.
Why is this? Perhaps it’s because, from the comfort of our computer chair/armchair/wheelchair/deckchair, we crave excitement from a safe distance. Like watching contact sports, we can enjoy them without personal risk. Unlike contact sports we can witness the destruction of starships, planetary systems, galaxies and even universes, before taking a break for a cup of coffee (or something a little stronger).
Is this a bad thing? Of course it isn’t and, unlike other genres, it’s highly unlikely that truth will mirror fiction – I know, Captain Kirk used a flip-top mobile phone, and yes, inconsiderate use of said phones leads to anger and, occasionally, violence, but give me a break!
I promised I would return to “3001”. Arthur C. Clarke had charted David Bowman’s rapid evolution into the ‘Star Child’ in “2001”. Yet, at the very end of this book, it’s the human remnant of this not-quite omnipotent being, together with the closer-to-human Hal who will form the bulwark against …? Surprise, surprise: the genocidal, albeit coldly reasoned, aggression of the deity-like beings who started the chain of events on an African plain three million years before. Even these farmers-of-the-Universe, portrayed as benign in “2001”, will ultimately resort to violence at some point beyond the end of this book.
What does all this say about us? It isn’t that we are bored by non-violence, merely that in certain genres, and science fiction is one, we expect violence. Going back to “Star Trek”, Roddenberry didn’t send his creations out to wreak havoc, but even when Kirk, et al, managed to avoid shooting or hitting anyone, a guest protagonist usually did – you can’t even exclude Tribbles because of the threat they posed if unrestrained.
Let me close with another imagining: an alternative reality version of Star Wars, Episode VI. In our reality, we have the ultimate villain – Palpatine – who comes to a violent end. Perhaps we needed to temper this by witnessing the redemption of throat-crusher Darth Vader, but only after we have observed him in the act of crushing throats, or Obi squishing.
The scene is set: over the course of the two earlier films, no one has died, no planets have been destroyed, and Vader hasn’t remodelled anyone’s windpipe. We are on the not-really Death Star for the final confrontation between Luke and Palpatine (with a non-violent Vader looking on):
Vader yawns and tries to scratch his head, but is non-aggressively frustrated by the helmet needed to: a) help him breathe, and b) provide that gloriously rich baritone … The helmet lends no visual aspect of dread, because it is coloured in a non-threatening pastel shade – I leave it to you to decide which shade.
Palpatine: “What do you suggest, young Jedi?”
Luke: “Perhaps we can chat about it over a cup of tea?”
Palpatine: “Earl Grey?”
Luke: “Of course, I’ll even throw in a slice of lemon.”
Palpatine: In an impeccable English accent touched with a soft Scottish burr, following a not-so-sinister chuckle: “No one, who is anyone, drinks Earl Grey with lemon.”
The two laugh, good-humouredly, while Vader pours the tea, and the credits roll to John Williams’ stirring theme.
Did that do it for you?
I didn’t think so.
Nope, that definitely wouldn’t have worked for me. And I can’t imagine audiences watching the two other movies, either, no matter how good the acting or how good the storytelling, if there was no action-adventure, considering the venue. Great post, Martin! Hope to have you back here, soon.
Memo to Trump: Please Do Not Shame Sexual Assault Victims
Folks, over the past week-plus, I’ve watched in horrified fascination as Donald Trump’s own words have come back to haunt him.
It’s appalling that someone as high-profile as Donald Trump, a nominee for the high office of President of the United States of America, would say things about trying to pick up a married woman, much less saying he could grab someone by her privates (by the use of another “p-word”) and no one would care, because he’s a celebrity. (This courtesy of the 2005 “hot mic” tape recorded during an Access Hollywood shoot years ago; the conversation was with AH’s then-anchor, Billy Bush.)
But it keeps getting worse. As woman after woman have come out to speak about how Donald Trump treated them years ago (all similar to what Trump’s words said, that Trump made moves without their consent and did not back off even when the women said, “Please stop” or worse), Mr. Trump’s response has basically been to shame the women who’ve made the accusations.
Before I go on, I will note that Donald Trump has not been convicted of any crimes. (Being an obnoxious boor is not a crime, after all.) However, I find it extremely disquieting that rather than saying, “I would not do that. I have daughters, and I’d never want anyone doing that to them,” Mr. Trump has made comments such as, “She’d not be my first choice” (during today’s speech in North Carolina, according to MSNBC), in order to try to discredit his most recent accuser.
Why?
Because comments like that make it sound like the only reason to sexually assault someone is because she is too attractive for the man to resist.
That’s absurd. So absurd, I am surprised I even have to comment on it, considering it’s 2016.
Mind, in case you’re wondering, this isn’t the only comment Mr. Trump has made along those lines by a mile. He’s talked about how thirty-five-year-old women are not worth his time; he’s called his own daughter, Ivanka, a “piece of ass;” and he’s bragged about cheating on his wives during marriages one and two.
Obviously, Mr. Trump sees women as commodities. Not as people. Or at least, in the past, he has…we can always hope he’s had a consciousness-raising since 2007 (the latest year any of the various women who say they’ve been victimized by Mr. Trump has reported).
Speaking about sexual assault in terms of women’s attractiveness alone is obnoxious. Rude. Disrespectful. Not to mention extremely inaccurate.
And saying that it shouldn’t take years for a woman to report what happened is also wrong.
The simple fact is, many women are disbelieved when they tell the Powers that Be about what’s happened to them.** They wait for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years or even decades, because they expect they won’t be believed.
And most of the time, unfortunately, their first instincts have been correct.
I sincerely hope that Mr. Trump did not do anything to any of these women. And that his “locker-room talk” (as he himself has characterized his extremely vulgar words during that 2005 tape) was just that: talk.
But I remain extremely upset by all of this. And I know I’m not alone.
———-
**Note: I know I was, years ago. I was nineteen. No one wanted to believe it, especially during a high-profile summer internship. (Yes, I did report it within a couple of weeks…not that it did me any good whatsoever.)
More Thoughts on Love
Folks, one of my friends asked me something just now that I thought I should respond to, so here goes.
I was asked if I believed I could find love again. My answer is yes, I do think so.
At first, I thought it was completely impossible. Love is a once in a lifetime thing, and it’s so rare, its delicacy has to be savored while you have it.
But I’ve had twelve years to think, since my late husband Michael died. And here’s the conclusions I’ve come to…
First, I think every person, every soul, has something to offer that’s unique and distinct and different. So it’s possible to see that, and appreciate that, and try to see if a true connection can be made down the line.
Second, while no one else can be Michael, it’s possible that someone else can be so uniquely himself, so very special and wonderful in his own right, that I’d have to stand up and take notice.
I don’t want to shut down opportunities before they present themselves, mind. But these two thoughts are still quite new. I am trying to figure out what I can bring to the table with anyone else, while still continuing on as myself — the woman who loved Michael B. Caffrey to distraction, and who will always love him.
I hope that down the line, someone special will see what I can give. And what I can receive. And what is possible…maybe is more than I initially thought.
Honestly, I have no idea what will happen next. But I do know this: Michael would kick my butt from here to Kingdom Come if I didn’t try to live my life, enjoy whatever I can wring from it, and do whatever I can to become the best person I can.
So he’d not want me to shut myself off, as I have done. Which is why I’m trying to stay open to possibility, and to choice…even though it’s not easy for me.
A Letter to my Younger Self
I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of writing a letter to my younger self. What would I say, and why?
Now, we all know the answer. Enjoy!
Dear younger Barb,
You’ve probably already figured out that life isn’t exactly a bowl of cherries. But in case you haven’t, let me assure you — it isn’t.
That said, there are very good people you’re going to get to know, including one very special and wonderful man who will be your husband and the other half of your soul. Don’t give up on finding love, whatever you do; you want to find this man, and experience what he has to offer.
Yeah, you’re going to have to kiss a lot of toads before you find him. That’s the tricky thing about love, you see…not everyone is honest about what they want, or what they’re going to want from you. The only way you learn how to fully understand who a person is and what he wants is to experience life in all its glory…and, unfortunately, all of its disaster.
You’re a realist, at this stage of the game, and somewhat of a cynic. (I do remember that much.) You don’t expect anyone to treat you well right now, and you barely believe that you deserve that. This is one reason it takes you extra time to find the right man, and it’s time I wish I could help you short-circuit.
But there’s something about life that must be felt, must be seen, must be shown, or you can’t fully understand the gift you will be given later on.
Lest you think your husband is the only good person in your life — the only extraordinary, one-of-a-kind person, that is — he’s not. You will have female friends to understand you, and a couple of interesting men who also seem to “get” you. Long-term friendships are something you have always valued, and you will indeed have these things.
You may notice I’m not saying much about family concerns. I can’t, because the way I see them and the way you see them may not necessarily make any sense.
And no, that’s not a cop-out. It’s that so many things have happened that I can’t properly explain it in a letter; it’s too complicated.
Will you become the musician you’d always hoped to be? Partly. Your education will stand you in good stead, though, so please don’t think you’re a failure, just because you never get to play Carnegie Hall like you always dreamed.
Will you become the writer you’d always hoped to be? Yes, you will. But not necessarily in the way you’d hoped, at first…(where are those sports-writing gigs, anyway?)
Will you do other things that bring you joy, help you find meaning, and give you serenity? Yes, indeed.
But there will be pain. Lots and lots and lots of it.
Know that your husband, and your friends, and your family, and your strengths and talents and abilities and perseverance will help you rise above it, and give you the ability to keep going.
That’s what matters, in life. Persistence matters just as much as talent does. You have to keep trying. You have to keep living, even though some days are very difficult. (I’ve never believed in lying, and I’m not going to start now.)
So, younger Barb, we’re down to this. The one life lesson I want you to consider, as you continue on your journey.
What can you learn from the pain, in order to better inform your music, writing, and other creativity?
If you can figure that out, you’re going to be a much happier, wiser, and kinder person — and a far less frustrated one, too.
Barb Caffrey's Blog 