Barb Caffrey's Blog

Folks, this time of year is not easy for me. As I’ve previously written about the aspects of grief, loss, frustration, and being upset that my life has taken a different course than I’d hoped, I wanted to discuss something else today.

But before I do, I wanted to mention the flip sides of all the above. Yes, I’ve grieved very hard for my husband Michael, and also for my father. This shows how much I loved them, how much I cared, and in Michael’s case, how much I want to keep at least some of his work alive. Yes, I’ve felt much loss in my life, though that’s helped me identify what’s truly important to me: my creativity, my friends, my remaining family, and of course included in that are the family pets. (Sometimes our furry companions can be our very best friends. I still miss my dog, Trouble, and he died seven years ago.)

As far as my life taking a different course than I’d hoped…well, my original hopes were to be a professional musician. My health wasn’t good enough. It’s still not good enough. But studying music for over twenty years mattered to me, and I retain that knowledge. Then, of course, after I finally met Michael after being previously divorced (and him also being previously divorced, too), I’d hoped we’d have decades together. Instead, we only had a few, short years. But his life and presence and light made a huge difference to me, and still does; I’d not have changed that for anything.

Anyway, it’s time to discuss the holidays. Mainly, Christmas, though there are other holidays also associated with the time such as Yule, celebrating the winter solstice, and so on. Christmas is about Jesus’s life, and how he came into it in a rather humble manner. We’re supposed to help those less fortunate than ourselves without lording it over them that we have a lot, they have nothing, and without believing they should be grateful for our condescension in realizing they have very little.

My friend Betsy Lightfoot and her family are still struggling in Kansas City with basic needs. Her house burned, and while some of it is salvageable, it’s taken a lot of hard work and struggle to get to the point the power got turned back on. (I think that happened last week.) The house still isn’t livable, her health, not to mention her husband Jonathan’s health, isn’t good, their car is old and in need of repair, and basically they need all the help anyone can give them. Without condescension. With joy in your heart, if you can manage it, even…they truly are good people (they hosted me for a week back in 2005, and Betsy helped me and my mother close up her house before Mom moved into her apartment in 2016), they deserve far better than this, and I feel a bit guilty that I haven’t been able to send them anything as my own situation is not easy nor particularly sustainable. (Further the writer sayeth not, at least not about that. Maybe after the first of the year.)

I have hoped for a miracle, quite frankly, in Betsy and her family’s case. (I’ve also hoped for miracles in other cases and occasionally received them. See: finding Michael, that amazing 36-hour conversation we had over Christmas, the fact that he didn’t care about my weight, my health, or anything save my soul and my love for him…if that wasn’t a miracle, I don’t know what was.) They need a lot of help to get back up on their feet, as Betsy and her husband both are less healthy in many ways than I am. Betsy is a gifted writer, who had been about to put her first novel-length story up for sale…she has a novella called “The Ugly Knight” available via Amazon and its program Kindle Unlimited, which has its own charms but is obviously an early work, so this would’ve been her second major effort.

Why hasn’t that happened, though? Because the amount of work in getting a burned-down house back up to snuff is incredibly high, especially when you’re juggling your own health, your husband’s health, getting your son to work, making your health appointments, finding a temporary place to live…all that. It crowds out everything else, because there is no room for anything except “how do I get out of this mess that I didn’t create?”

I feel terrible for Betsy. I want her to be in a house that’s comfortable, livable, sustainable, and filled with joy and optimism. When that day comes, she’ll be able to go back to her novel, much less her other writing (she has at least two other novels in train). I want to help her get from here to there, which is why I urge you to go to her GiveSendGo account and do whatever you can.

Christmas is at least in part about helping the less fortunate. Betsy and her family qualify. I know it’s really tough for her to have to say how bad off they are, though she has in this recent blog post. If you can do anything at all to help her, please do.

To my mind, that’s what Christmas is all about.