Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Posts Tagged ‘dealing with frustrating circumstances

Moving on, again (Plus: Answering the Q, “How Can You Still Edit?”)

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As my last blog said, I am no longer a member of the Racine Concert Band.

It’s been a couple of very strange weeks, I must say. Every time there’s a rehearsal, I keep thinking I need to go (until I correct myself); every time there’s a concert, I feel how wrong it is that I’m not there.

All I can do, though, is move on.

I’ve had many experiences lately where I’ve had to move on when I wasn’t ready to do it. It never gets easier. But I will keep working at it, because as I know well, much of life and life’s experiences remain out of my control.

Let’s move on to something else.

One of my friends asked me why I was so forthcoming in regard to admitting I had a pulmonary embolism in 2020 and haven’t been the same, health-wise, since. She was afraid I might mess up my editing prospects, as there are a lot of folks out there who don’t want to deal with anyone who admits to illness, much less chronic illness.

(To put this in perspective: my friend also deals with chronic illness and has for years.)

So, I figured I’d discuss the elephant in the room, which is this: “Barb, if you’re not able to play your instruments right now, how can you edit?”

Simply put, they are two different things.

Yes, both are creative pursuits. However, there are many ways to edit once you get past the grammatical aspect, and I tend to be as creative as possible while making my points to various clients.

As most of you no doubt know, music is usually performed with other people; even if you’re playing a recital with a pianist, you still must play with another person at a scheduled time and place. (Yes, sometimes there are late cancellations for different reasons, but then you have to find a makeup date.)

Editing is done by me and can be scheduled at any point in any given day. (I tend to edit at night, when there are fewer distractions, but I’ve proven I can edit at any time of any day if need be.)

I hope this answers the question as to how I can continue to edit despite all that’s gone on in my life since 2020.

In conclusion, I appreciate my clients. They are all great people, and many of them have become my friends, which is something that pleases me greatly. I enjoy their company, I enjoy their manuscripts, and I appreciate the work.

Oh, one final, thing (I know I sound like Lt. Columbo from TV, years back): My Elfyverse “holiday” story was accepted into the Fantastic Schools: Holidays anthology. Thank you all who asked me privately about this and reminded me to come say something about it.

What’s going on in your life, writing or otherwise? Tell me about it in the comments!

Dealing with Frustration

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Have you ever had one of those days where you just wish you could start the day over?

Most of us have, actually. But when we have a day like that — a day where the word “frustration” is written in all-caps, and Murphy’s Law seems to be overly optimistic — it’s hard to remember that other people have suffered the same slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, too.

Or at least, most of them.

My late husband Michael used to say that no one can tell you what you’ve experienced but you. (That was his way of saying that everyone’s different, and everyone’s experiences can’t help but be different as well.) But he also said that because most of us tend to go through the same things, albeit at different times and perhaps in different ways, that helps us realize that we’re not completely alone.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my husband tonight. This isn’t much of a surprise, as I tend to think about him often . . . I can’t bring him back, no, but I can at least remember what he told me, and in that way, at least some of what he was continues to survive.**

Holiday weekends are difficult for me. (If you’ve read my blog for a while, you’ve probably figured this out.) Memorial Day weekend, which is a time to remember our servicemen who died in the line of duty, is a very somber holiday to begin with; as Michael served in the Navy honorably (albeit much more briefly than he would have wished due to a knee issue), I suppose it’s not at all surprising that I’m ruminating on frustration, on things I can’t change, on Murphy’s Law and on the whole issue of how to bear defeat, during this particular weekend.

A fortune cookie, of all things, had a cogent saying about this: “The toughest challenge in this world is in bearing defeat without losing heart.”

I think that’s what we all have to do on our darkest days. We have to believe that something will improve despite it all, and that the meaning that eludes us on days where nothing goes right and absolutely nothing makes any sense will eventually show itself.

So it’s hard — very hard — to keep going when you don’t see anything different on the horizon.

But it’s worthwhile to keep trying, no matter how tough life is, and no matter how many difficulties have befallen you.

That’s yet another thing Michael told me. And I believe it still makes sense.

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**Yes, I know that while I continue to survive, at least some of Michael is alive as well. But it’s a difficult concept for me to ponder.