Posts Tagged ‘frustration’
Holidays, Grief, and Disappointment
Folks, as we all know, the holidays are upon us.
As I have written before (most recently last year, here), this is an awful time of year for anyone who has suffered losses. You can’t help but think about those you miss, especially when you have happy memories of better days when they were alive, well, and completely themselves.
I don’t have the answers for how to deal with this, despite having to deal with it for so long. As time passes, I know I’ll be grieving more and more people, and that’s the way life works — some of us keep going, and remember those who have passed before us, and try to honor their memories as best we’re able.
But that doesn’t make it easy.
In addition, because this is a highly-fraught time of year, any disappointment you receive at this time seems magnified. By a hundred, maybe, or even a thousand…it’s an illusion, mind, borne of the fact that you’re probably already under stress for various reasons, you’re expected to be “happy happy, joy joy” all the time at this time of year, and maybe you’re expending energy you didn’t realize you were using to stay on an even keel.
When I’m disappointed, whether it’s in someone else, myself, the world at large, whatever, I try to take a step back. Will this matter in a week? Will this matter in a month? Will this matter in a year?
If the answers to all of those questions are “no,” it’s a little easier to push past the disappointment.
“But Barb,” you say. “What is it about this time and people getting on each other’s nerves?”
Believe me, I wish I knew.
What I do know is that I try hard not to get upset by what other people do. Sometimes I observe this more in the breach than in its keeping, but I honestly do try.
OK, not everyone is going to be be what you want them to be. (Maybe no one is. Maybe you, yourself, aren’t, either.) Maybe you don’t have the life you want. Maybe nothing went right for you this year. And maybe, just maybe, you are having trouble hoping that tomorrow will be better than today.
That is normal, human, and you have to realize that other people feel the same damned thing.
So, yeah. This time of year is very hard for me. I feel almost as if I’m a chronic observer rather than completely in the mix of life and all its pleasures (and annoyances), and that’s only partly because I’m a writer and my observational skills have been heightened by years of practice.
All I can do, quite frankly, is endure the holidays. Get past them. And hope that 2017 will be a whole lot better than 2016.
Anyway, may we all treat our loved ones, friends, and co-workers gently at this time of year, and throughout the year…and may we all be richly blessed, one way or another.
Finding Motivation After a Difficult Week
Folks, this past week was extremely difficult.
Why? Well, part of the story — as per usual — is not mine to tell. What I can tell you is that I had a bad allergic reaction and also had to deal with a family health scare…both are resolving well, but at the time they were both major obstacles.
It’s hard to be motivated, after you’ve been run ragged for a week to ten days. (Yes, even for me — “Mrs. Persistence Herself,” one of my friends snickered a few years back — I sometimes run straight on into a brick wall.) Sometimes, all you can do is rest, think about your stories, and prepare to meet your commitments as soon as you can with a whole heart.
“But Barb,” you say. “I thought CHANGING FACES neared completion. Is that what’s getting you down?”
Partly, yes.
I want CHANGING FACES to be done. (I wanted it to be done months ago.) But I also want to put out the best quality book I possibly can, well-edited of course, and readable and interesting. (That the subject matter is a bit controversial — dealing with a male/female couple with both ending up transgender due to a fantasy/spiritual element — only adds a bit of spice to the broth.) I hope people of all sexes, genders, races, political persuasions, etc., will read CHANGING FACES and find some truth in it…because my main, overarching message is that people should see souls. Not bodies.
I want CHANGING FACES to read well as a romance, yes. But I also want it to be something people of all sexes and gender expressions can relate to, because most of us, if we’re honest, feel different. Maybe we’re not as different as Elaine is at the start of CHANGING FACES, as we’re not transgender/gender-fluid. (By the way, language is evolving on this issue. In a year or two, it’s very possible people may just say “gender fluid” for someone like Elaine. I hate to have to point this out, but not everyone reads the time/date stamp on blog posts, and some, when you use “inappropriate” or less than up-to-the-minute terminology, jump to conclusions and assume you’re trying to be disrespectful. But that’s another subject for another day.) But we all do have some difference, something that makes us unique and interesting…something that makes us, at least at times, wonder if we will ever be understood by anyone, loved one or no.
It’s all of this that gives me motivation despite an incredibly difficult and taxing week.
I don’t know if the way my mind works is similar to any other writer’s mind on the planet, of course. But my own mind does work this way, and it’s telling me now to do two things:
- Rest, dammit!
- After you’ve rested, get up and work on CHANGING FACES.
So, that’s what I intend to do.
Thanks for staying along for the ride, and do let me know what you think in the comments, if you are so inclined.
My Patreon Update…and Other Stuff
Folks, I’m glad to have finally written an update…and it’s up at my Patreon page.
What’s Patreon, you ask? It’s a place where you can support writers, artists, musicians, or other creative types…it’s a very old idea done in a very new, 21st Century way.
I know I’ve been very behindhand on explaining what’s going on. There’s a reason for that. If I think too much about the circumstances that surround me — the fact that my living situation is not fully under my control, and that I am unable to affect the outcome very much at all — I can’t create. And that would be lethal, especially as I grow closer to completing CHANGING FACES at long last…I have to get that book done, there’s no two ways about it.
So, I’m going to cut and paste from my own post at Patreon, that I just put up less than fifteen minutes ago:
Unfortunately, since I last posted, very little has changed. My living situation — it’s hard to know what I can say about it, because I’m not the only one affected, but suffice it to say that from day to day I barely know where I’m going to be. This is frustrating and confusing, and it’s not exactly conducive to creativity.
As for how I’m doing/feeling? I fight exhaustion. I fight the feeling of inertia, of nothing changing, of still being in a reasonably unstable situation and being almost completely unable to affect it…and it’s extremely frustrating and disquieting.
I know that I’m doing everything I possibly can to positively affect this outcome. As I said at my long-delayed update over at Patreon, I have edited five books in the last two-plus months, and I’ve written 20,000 words. These are good things, and I’m proud of these accomplishments.
In addition, I played a concert on Sunday night with the Racine Concert Band at the Racine Zoo (though I wasn’t able to play the parade, alas, on Monday as I’d planned). We had an enthusiastic crowd, as we always do — free summer concerts have resumed, and will be held at the Zoo every Sunday night at 7:30 in July, and at 7:00 in August (through August 14, 2016).
I’m not able to play at the same level I could years ago, mind, but I can still play well most of the time. I’d prefer to have some solos now and again, but that rarely happens…still, I’m glad to be able to play, and I think I add something, even when I’m playing the second part and it seems like no one pays attention to me being there besides my stand-partner.
So, I’m trying. I have a temporary situation, and am trying to look on the bright side. (Though sometimes I want to kick whoever started that whole idea squarely in the nether region. Why can’t we admit just for one minute that things are bleak, but we’re going to do our best every day anyway?)
I do know that life can change, sometimes on what seems to be an instant. And it’s very possible that all the hard work I’ve done will lead to something much better…my husband believed that, my best friend Jeff Wilson believed that, too, and my friends now firmly believe that as well.
Who am I to say they’re wrong?
Anyway, if you want to help support me get through this rough patch, you can go to my Patreon page and make a pledge…or, if you wish to support me privately, let me know and I’ll give you my PayPal address. (And thank you very much for even considering this oblique request. It truly is the best I can do right now.)
How to Keep Writing when the World Seems Against You
Folks, it’s no secret that the last few weeks for me have been difficult, complex, and frustrating.
In other words, they’ve been a long slog.
How are you supposed to keep writing when the world seems against you? When life circumstances jump up, and impede your work, and derail your progress…how can you keep going anyway?
Today’s blog is about how to get through one of these fallow periods, as a writer. (Or at least what I try to do to keep my head in the game, even when most of the rest of me can’t do much.)
What I try to do, with my writing, is to make prose notes. If nothing else, I usually can write one-sentence ideas, and that allows me to continue making a small amount of progress.
See, every day you have to make a little progress, if you can. It may be tiny. It may even be infinitesimal. But if you make that small amount of progress — even during difficult times — it gives you the confidence to keep trying.
Sometimes, I think creativity is all about confidence. Or at least all about the thought that if you try, if you think hard, if you are able to continue, then you can create with a whole heart.
It’s not easy to find time to write when you’re in the crux of a crisis, mind. But take a few minutes here, a few minutes there — I like using the minutes before going to bed, personally, but my late husband was a morning person; whatever works for you — and keep writing.
In other words…the only way through a long slog is forward.
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As for me? I’m still hanging in there…but I still don’t have a clue where I’ll end up. I’ll keep you posted. (If you want to help me, see this post and act accordingly.)
A Writing Update (Such as it Is)…
Folks, I’m at the point in my manuscript where I can see daylight ahead. The journey is starting to come to an end…
But before I can end this particular journey, I have to get through a cloverleaf or two. That have major roadblocks, not to mention setbacks.
When I get this frustrated with any manuscript, I usually try to take a step back and figure out where I’m going. But in this case, I know exactly where I’m going; it’s just that some of the particulars about how I’m going to get there have changed.
So it’s a new and different problem I’m dealing with. It means I have to feel my way through, take my time, figure out what’s going to happen, so I can turn in the best possible manuscript.
I hope this does not mean I’ll miss my publication window for the end of 2015, mind. But the longer I struggle with my manuscript, the less likely it is that I actually will hit that window at all.
Of course, if I weren’t going for e-book publication, there would be no way in the world I could possibly hit the window…but I digress.
What I’m dealing with right now, folks, is where anxiety meets frustration. My strategy has always been to admit that I’m frustrated, and also admit that I’m anxious about being frustrated.
Then I do my best to get on with the job anyway.
This is easier said than done, mind. Because I have to experience the anxiety, experience the frustration, and then tell myself, “OK, Barb, you’ve experienced that. You know how you feel. You’ve acknowledged this. Now set it aside, and see what happens next.”
This is a strategy my late husband Michael told me about. Oft-times, it works — even with impatient, hasty me.
Anyway, when I can’t write, I’m not easy to live with. I get quite cranky, in fact…so I’m sure that everyone around me hopes, as I do, that my solution to fixing my manuscript and hitting my late 2015 window lies just around the corner.
Further updates as I have ’em.
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One good bit of information to pass along: As I’ve signed the contract (and it’s been countersigned and I’ve been given permission), I think it can now be told…I’ve sold my third story in the Darkover universe (created by Marion Zimmer Bradley, and continued by Deborah J. Ross), which will be published in REALMS OF DARKOVER during 2016. The story is about my judge, Fiona, as a thirteen-year-old girl, when all she wants to do is become the first-ever female court clerk in the Hellers (a wicked mountain range on Darkover)…and we get to see Fiona’s parents, happily married — Gorsali, a Renunciate (Free Amazon) of Darkover, and Dominic macAnndra, a sitting circuit court judge.
Naturally, it’s called “Fiona, Court Clerk in Training.”