Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Posts Tagged ‘perseverance’

Some Days…A Sunday Reflections Post

with 2 comments

Folks, the last few days at Chez Caffrey have been a bit difficult. Also, perplexing, frustrating, annoying…the list goes on and on.

So, why am I cluttering up the internet with my issues, as vaguely described above? I thought maybe I could talk a little about perseverance during times you’d rather not have, especially as it’s now Sunday.

When you’re having a bad day, or a series of bad days, the best you can do is to remind yourself that you’re doing everything in your power to improve the situation. That said, the most important thing is to live through it. Persevere. Sometimes it’ll feel like you’re heading into a heavy fog, uncertain of when you’ll come back out of it, but you have to believe that as you keep putting one foot in front of the other, you eventually will come to the end of that fog bank and into the clear again.

One thing I do know is this: Every single last one of us on the face of the earth has faced a bad day, a series of bad days, or has had to deal with things not of their own making impacting upon their own lives in a not-so-good manner. Whether it’s work, school, family, significant others (if they haven’t reached the “family” stage), we’ve all faced something that taxes our patience, taxes our strength, and taxes our fortitude.

That was the meaning of the apocryphal tale of the Buddha I’ve mentioned before here at my blog. A woman came to the Buddha and was sore in spirit. She wanted to know if there was any place on earth where people did not grieve, where they did not know the soreness of this particularly and exquisitely awful type of pain. The Buddha told her to go around the world, and bring the answer back to him.

Of course, the answer was that we all grieve.

I am not a Zen Buddhist, as my late husband Michael was, but what I understood about Buddhism wasn’t that you didn’t feel things. You did your best to accept what you felt, and acceptance, at least in Michael’s case, led to a far more serene exterior than anyone else I’ve ever met, before or since.

See, he knew that life could give you some seriously sour lemons from time to time. He’d experienced this in his own life. His first career, the one he’d always dreamed of, was not possible due to finding out — after he’d started that career (in the Navy) — that he had something called chondromalacia, which was possibly brought on by very early appearing arthritis. (He was still younger than twenty.) Then, after that, he went to work as a civilian for the Navy, to still try to help in some way, and worked his way up to becoming a contracts administrator. He was very, very good at that job. But then, the Naval base in Oakland closed, and he lost his job. At around age forty. Then, also around that time, he and his first wife split up (and he didn’t know then, couldn’t know then, that they’d retain a friendship until the end of his life).

In other words, he faced a whole lot of challenges, and life didn’t always give him his due.

Then again, he told me that if he hadn’t faced some of those challenges, he’d not have been ready for me. I thought this was an incredibly enlightened thing to say, and that’s why I’m passing it on.

So, for those of you who, like me, are struggling right now, remember this: You matter. Your life experience, whatever you’ve lived through, whatever you are living through now, can sometimes — if you’re anything like me — feel like it’s weighing you down so much, you can barely walk around. But whatever it is, you have to remember that you are still important, you matter, and the best thing you can do is to survive and live another day.

All of the experiences we have matter, too. As does whether we learn from them, too.

I figure if even the Buddha didn’t have an answer as to why we must feel grief and emotional pain in this life, that answer does not exist. That being said, we have to treat each other with kindness, empathy, and compassion…otherwise, what the Hell are we doing here?

Written by Barb Caffrey

May 26, 2024 at 12:30 am

Posted in Faith, heartbreaking stories, Michael B. Caffrey, Persistence, Prescient observations, Remembrance, Spirituality, Widowhood, Writing

Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

My Discussion Regarding the Milwaukee Bucks and Their Series Loss to the Indiana Pacers

with 2 comments

Folks, I have neglected my blog lately. I am sorry about that. I’ve been running out of hours in the day, and writing, whether it’s blogging or some fiction or whatever else, is taking a big backseat to Life (TM) these days. But as I am a fan of the Milwaukee Bucks, and as they were in the playoffs, I made sure to either listen or watch every single game this past week. (Considering I try to listen or watch every game during the regular season as well, that’s not too surprising.) And I have some thoughts.

Here we go.

I was fortunate enough to watch the Bucks play the Pacers in their last two playoff games (I listened to the others). I was seriously impressed by how hard the Bucks played despite their overall series loss to the Pacers (more on this in a bit). They were brilliant in Milwaukee in Game Five, which they needed to be in order to force Game Six in Indiana. One of their two big stars, Damian Lillard, played in Game Six after having to sit out the two previous playoff games, and did rather well, especially considering he was dealing with a strained Achilles tendon. He led all scorers, in fact…but despite good defense from nearly every Bucks player (including Lillard, and his forte is definitely not defense), the Bucks ran out of gas. They lost, 120-98, and the Pacers now advance to the next round.

Mind you, the game was not quite as lopsided as the score says. The Bucks coach, Doc Rivers, took most of his players — the starters, the main bench people, etc. — out of the game starting at around the four-minute mark. I believe the Bucks were down by sixteen at that point, and while that’s potentially doable if someone like Lillard hit a bunch of three-point shots and the extremely tired and gassed defense was able to get four or five stops in a row, it would’ve been a very long shot. I think Rivers did the right thing in pulling out guys like Lillard, Bobby Portis, Khris Middleton (who had a brilliant series of his own, especially in Games Four and Five), Patrick Beverley (aka “PatBev”), and Brook Lopez. Those guys should all hold their heads up, as they did the best they could all the way around.

Why do I say this? Because the biggest star on the Bucks, Giannis Antetokounmpo, was not able to play at all. He averaged something like forty points a game against Indiana, even though the Bucks as a whole had not done all that well against them. So, if you count him, and you see all these other players doing what they just did in stepping their games way up (or in Middleton’s case, reminding everyone why he was an All-Star a few years ago), I think at minimum the Bucks would’ve forced Game Seven in Milwaukee. At maximum, they would’ve won.

One stat for Game Five tells pretty much the whole story. There had never before been a playoff team, without its top two scorers (in the Bucks case, those were Lillard and Giannis), that had actually won a playoff game before. But the 2023-4 Bucks did just that. Middleton and Bobby Portis (a Sixth Man of the Year candidate; he finished third for the second year in a row) both scored twenty-nine points, and had twelve and ten rebounds, respectively. In addition, PatBev played the point position and passed the ball around — something he usually is not called upon to do — and scored thirteen points with twelve assists. Center Brook Lopez also scored twelve points. The Bucks played outstanding defense, held the Pacers to just 92 points in Game Five, and beat them 115-92.

In other words, without Giannis and Lillard, they were more like the “little team that could” (except for how tall they are, of course). They believed in themselves, and it showed. It was good that they got one more win at home and got to hear the love from the Milwaukee fans, because they really did pour it all out onto the floor.

So, the Bucks should hold their heads high despite losing the series to the Pacers. They did their best. Lillard came back in Game Six, and, while obviously not healthy, scored twenty-eight points and played far better defense than I’d expected. Portis had twenty points and fifteen rebounds. (The Indiana crowd hates Portis, so this was I hope some small amount of solace for Portis going into the offseason.) Lopez played one of his best games of the year, scoring twenty points and pulling down five rebounds. PatBev, while obviously tired and injured — he’d been playing despite an oblique injury for the past several weeks — again pulled down five assists and scored six points. (Remember, he’s not usually called upon to do either one. He was used primarily as a defensive “energy” guy, which makes sense: Beverley has been a member of the NBA All-Defensive Team three separate times.)

I was — am — happy with my favorite team. I wanted them to win Game Six just as much as they did…well, maybe not quite as much, but certainly I wanted them to win.

They didn’t win, no. But they did their level best. I can’t get angry with any of them.

For other sad Bucks fans out there: You need to remember that in any playoff scenario, a good team is going to go home in round one. Maybe several good teams will go home in round one. It doesn’t matter if it’s the NCAA Basketball Tourney, or the major league baseball playoffs, or the wildcard games in football…a good team or two always ends up going home sooner than expected. Oftentimes, it’s because key players were injured and/or were not able to play up to full capacity.

And we both know who wasn’t able to play at all, while several others couldn’t play up to their full capacity (but did their best and came darned close to it).

What I saw from my favorite team, the Bucks, was perseverance, grit, teamwork, and a never-say-die attitude. I hope most of the players will be back next year (I think it’s a lock that Lillard and Giannis aren’t going anywhere, and I’d be stunned if Middleton went anywhere either), as I think if folks like PatBev (a midseason acquisition) had played with everyone all year long, it’s possible this team would’ve forced Game Seven even without Giannis (a former two-time MVP of the NBA, a past multiple winner of the all-defensive team, and, like Lillard, a member of the all-NBA 75th anniversary team).

What I will take away from this loss is this: You can hold head up high when you do your level best. You may not win all the time. You may not be able to meet your own goals (PatBev said right away he wanted to win the NBA Championship just as soon as the Bucks traded for him; he also had some negative history with Damian Lillard, and said he had to “get right with Dame”). But you will still impress people if you give it your best shot, and most especially if you go outside of your comfort zone and do things completely unexpected of you. (That would hold true for the vast majority of the 2023-4 Milwaukee Bucks.)

Written by Barb Caffrey

May 3, 2024 at 1:37 am

Posted in in general, Inspirational stuff, Persistence, Prescient observations, Public figures, Sports figures

Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Scott Park’s Story Explains Why We Must All Challenge Our Assumptions

leave a comment »

About a year ago, college basketball fan Scott Park was gaining notoriety for missing a million dollar half-court shot. As he looked healthy, perhaps it wasn’t surprising that Mr. Park was mocked by thousands upon thousands of people after he missed that half-court shot.

But there was much more to this story, which ESPN found out. They made a video for their E:360 program, which was also aired yesterday on ESPN’s Outside the Lines…and because I saw that, I felt the need to discuss it further. (While I haven’t figured out how to link directly to OTL’s feed, I can send you in the direction of OTL’s “extra” footage discussing why both Bob Ley and reporter Ryan McGee found Scott Park’s story to be both relevant and inspirational.)

Granted, once I saw the story myself, it’s obvious why Scott Park’s story is inspirational. This is a man who has nearly died — not once, but twice. (See McGee’s article from March of this year for further details.) He suffers from a condition called CAPS — otherwise known as catastrophic antiphospholipid syndrome — and because of it, he’s already endured a kidney transplant and suffered serious and life-threatening consequences.**

Scott Park’s story is inspirational. (We need more stories like this in this world.) But we’d not know about it except for two things: first, Scott Park missed that half-court shot, and because he looked healthy people made fun of him for doing so. And second, the reporter who posted the clip of Mr. Park missing that shot wrote a follow-up story to explain just why we should be ashamed of ourselves for jumping to conclusions. That got other writers, including ESPN’s Ryan McGee, interested in Scott Park and following along with Mr. Park’s story of persistence, faith, hope, and chronic struggles against his disabling conditions — though the way Scott Park carried himself during the E:360 piece (shown on OTL yesterday), it’s obvious that he is emphasizing the “half-full” part of the equation.

Simply put: While he may be disabled today, he is a lucky man. He has a caring, loving, and devoted wife and family, and many good friends (one who donated his kidney in order to give Scott Park more time on this Earth). He loves college basketball, even now. He holds no animus toward anyone, including the reporter who posted the clip of Park’s abortive half-court shot effort. And no one should feel sorry for him, even with his health challenges, physical therapy, and all…because he’s had a good life, he’s still in there fighting, and — maybe this is leap of faith on my part — life is all about what you do with it.

Scott Park has done a great deal with his life. And that’s what no one knew when the clip of him missing the half-court shot was taken.

Fortunately, we did learn “the rest of the story” with regards to Scott Park. But we don’t always know everyone’s stories, and there’s an awful lot of assumptions going on. We live in a world where it seems everyone rushes to judgment, and sometimes, that judgment is plain, flat, utterly wrong.

So, the lessons I would like you to take away from this are these:

  1. Challenge your assumptions. Challenge them often.
  2. Try to put yourself in other people’s shoes.
  3. Be as charitable and forgiving as you can. Because some day, you may just need some of that charity and forgiveness for yourself.
  4. Do not assume that the initial narrative framing is correct.
  5. And, finally — DO YOUR RESEARCH.

If you do all that, you are much less likely to be an obnoxious, uncaring, unfeeling butthead. (End rant.)

————

**At the moment, Mr. Park is in the hospital, recovering from a series of strokes. He is alert, aware, in good spirits, doing physical therapy, and hoping to regain the use of his right arm and to walk again. Wish him well, will you?

Written by Barb Caffrey

April 7, 2016 at 1:39 am

Posted in Framing Narrative, Inspirational stuff, Persistence, Pop Culture/TV criticism, Sports figures

Tagged with , , , , , , , ,