Looking for Optimism in 2024

Folks, 2023 was a difficult, frustrating, and disempowering year for me. A whole lot I wanted to get done didn’t happen. A whole lot that I never wanted to occur did.

So, how can I look for optimism in 2024?

It seems like every time I turn on the news, something else awful has happened. There’s a tornado in Alabama. There’s a documentary about a young woman, Gypsy Rose Blanchard (now happily married, married name Anderson), who was mistreated horribly by her mother and who served several years in prison for conspiring to kill her mother. (If you saw what her mother did to Gypsy Rose Blanchard, you might be like me and say, “Small loss.” Especially after Ms. Blanchard tried hard to get away from her mother, and how no one understood the horrific stuff her mother had put her through.) Blanchard’s story sent ice straight down my spine, as her late and (to my mind) unlamented mother kept her looking ill and much frailer than she ever should’ve been due to Blanchard’s mother’s significant mental illness. (The diagnosis for Blanchard’s mother, who I’m not naming as I feel she was among the world’s worst villains of the last thirty years, was Munchausen’s Syndrome by proxy, meaning Blanchard’s mother put Gypsy Rose through all sorts of crap by making her appear sick — as a cancer patient, as needing various surgeries Gypsy Rose never required, etc.)

Then, of course, there are the usual problems. Snow. Ice. Wind. Man against nature.

So, it’s a dark and rather depressing opening to 2024 for me. It’s cold, there’s not a lot of light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m frustrated overall because I’ve tried very hard for the last nineteen years-plus since my late husband Michael died (yes, I know to the hour, but I won’t be that anal-retentive today) to live the best life I can. Maybe I’ve done that, but my creativity has not been where I wish it to be; I didn’t achieve my goals in 2023 of getting some new stories out under my own name due to my father’s passing in October (partly, anyway; I was already behind that expectation due to the earlier cellulitis of the face I suffered in February and March before he died); work lagged, and I was having to play catch-up even before I caught Covid-19 in early December.

When looked at all as a piece, it seems much worse than what it was when I lived through it. And it’s of course not a patch on what Gypsy Rose Blanchard lived through for years until her mother was killed by Gypsy Rose’s then-boyfriend. (Don’t judge that young woman until you’ve seen what her mother put her through.) But pain is pain, and Michael always told me that it’s invalidating to try to compare your pain to others’ pain.

I think that’s good advice.

In my case, stuff builds up inside. I have no way to express it safely, or at least it seems like there isn’t one. This feeds depression, this feeds illness, this feeds lack of creativity and this also feeds despair, hopelessness, and as my friend Karl Ernst put it in his book Rocking Change, stuckness.

That doesn’t mean I’d not have been ill with Covid-19 if my problems magically went away. (Plus, life seems to be all about how to navigate problems. We always have some, somewhere.) That doesn’t mean everything would be lightness, creativity, brightness, and happiness, either.

What it does mean is that the real issues I’ve got: grief, again, this time due to the loss of my father; iffy health (that I continue to work on to get at least slightly better); loneliness; frustration; anger; hopelessness; well, they all get stuffed together in a maelstrom of despair.

That said, I think there are some reasons for optimism here.

First, I am aware of these problems. They aren’t just sitting there, unremarked and misunderstood.

Second, I have managed to write over 36K words in the last year into a new story I can’t tell you much about yet (it’s in a friend of mine’s universe and will eventually go out co-branded with his name), which is the highest word count I’ve managed in the last three years. This means the prospective novel is about one-third completed. (Yay!)

Third, I have good friends I trust, along with family, that have known me for many years. That has to help.

Fourth, while 2024 is already shaping up to be a year of change for me in many senses, I believe there is room for me to take a new role upon the stage somehow. (As life is but a stage, and we are merely players according to both Shakespeare and the rock group Rush, this needed to be said.)

Or as my father used to put it, “There’s always another season.” He was talking about sports, but I think that’s applicable to life as well.

So, what I’m going to do is this. Write. Edit. Compose music. Talk to other people as best I can. Continue on my path, as I know exactly what it is, and do whatever I can and whatever it takes to make my life happier, more stable, and far more satisfying.

See, I can’t control the future. I can’t control what other people think about me. I can’t control all the vicissitudes of life.

But I can control how I react to it.

That’s my overarching reason for optimism in 2024. (What’s yours? Tell me in the comments!)

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 9, 2024 at 8:54 pm

7 Responses

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I go through this same feeling all the time. Here’s how I’m learning to control it.
I stopped watching broadcast news. I get a newsletter called 1440 (the year the printing press was invented). It’s the facts and not opinion. No slanted viewpoints. It’s a way to keep up on the world without making me feel it’s hopeless. They always include good news as well and a snippet about what happened on that day in history.
Constantly, I remind myself to focus on the solution, not the problem.
I stay away from social media. Doom-scrolling is addictive.
Before I open the browser, I work on writing or another project.
Information gathering is a means of getting a dopamine rush. My brain wants it. Thinks it needs it. Will cloud my judgment to get it. When I hear myself think “I’ll just check Facebook/email/sales real quick” I know I’m about to fall down a deep hole. That’s when I save myself by telling myself a very firm “no.”
Right next to my browser button is a folder called DOPAMINE. It’s empty. It’s just there to remind me to ask if I’m getting my dopamine from a positive source, like writing. It’s made all the difference in my output and given me stronger focus.
Maybe some of these ideas can help you as you move forward. Tap me if you ever want to talk.

Kayelle Allen

January 10, 2024 at 8:03 am

Reply
- Thanks, Kayelle. Those are good ideas. 🙂
  
  Barb Caffrey
  
  January 10, 2024 at 11:09 pm
  
  Reply
Hi Barb. Firstly my belated condolences at the loss of your father. Such events with their natural pain of loss are bound to have an effect on a creative process of whatever sort, all the well-meaning words in the world are small in comparison.
To turn to the world in general and to paraphrase once more Thomas Paine ‘These are times which test a person’s soul’. I used to be a bit of a news enthusiast, morning noon and night, but of late it seems I am seeing the same events only with different names and different locations. Even worse, nothing surprises me anymore, and often not to able to stifle the thought ‘Hmm. Saw that coming,’ and wish just once to be wrong. These days my news reading is not so much reading as skimming.
Such events are also ones that leech on the creative processes, particularly if the creator is trying to put an optimistic slant on their project. Again, this is not surprising. Most people tend to want simple quiet uncomplicated lives as a backdrop to whatever else they may want to do, unremitting bad news tends to leave folk feeling helpless as well, they may have strong feelings on a topic, but are confounded by not being able to change the situation. Again such conflicts can impinge of the creative processes. And then the cycle comes in. The person feels less of themselves for not creating and so on and on.
This is before we get around to the topic or risk of one’s latest project being put out there and getting little response.

Personally I believe you have managed to strive on and continue to keeping on keeping on. Despite what Life has weighed in on you. Sometimes it comes down to ‘trying’. ‘I am trying’ – not so much a cry of desperation and despair but a rallying statement of defiance ‘I-AM-TRYING’.
To write even a few words a day in these circumstances is an accomplishment in itself, not matter how few, and even if they do not look polished or ‘good’ (whatever that means!). I like to use a cosmological comparison. A star begins from a cloud of dust, and gradually with the aid of various forces of Nature begins to take shape until eventually Fusion starts and the light and heat come forth. This is how writing is, even for the successful professional writing to schedule. For us down at the lower levels, we can also shine, in slow steady ways.

The important aspect is that you have nailed the important personal facet, ‘How You React’. That is not easy to keep up, but choosing to take that viewpoint is a start, it is a target, it becomes what you can be all about.

I wish you all the best for 2024. I believe you will keep on keeping on.

Roger

deteremineddespitewp

January 11, 2024 at 8:13 am

Reply
- Thanks, Roger, for your kind words and your condolences on the death of my father.
  
  I think you’re right that creativity is not only important, but that when we can’t do it for whatever reason, we feel like we’ve just failed ourselves. I would tell anyone else that’s not true, and anyone in my position, I would tell them to please be kind to themselves. They didn’t ask to be put where they are and they didn’t ask for the mess they’re in.
  
  That said, I have a hard time telling myself that.
  
  I have always been a perfectionist toward myself. I try not to be with others, including my editorial clients (of course I do my best for them and wish them to do the best for themselves, but I understand we’re not perfect. As the Christian proverb I’ve oft-heard goes, “We’re not perfect. We’re just forgiven.” While I do not see myself, necessarily, as a Christian as I believe all faiths have seen some aspect of the truth — and I, personally, am more drawn toward other aspects — I think that’s true. We’re not Gods nor Goddesses; we’re not able to wave a magic wand and make everything all right, no matter what we want nor how much we may want it. (We can only see a fraction of what exists…but we can do with our fraction the best we can, in service to Deity and those we care about the most.)
  
  My story, my own personal story, is bound up with my marriage to Michael in an inextricable way. That’s where I started to realize I could do more than I’d ever thought possible. That’s also where I started to realize that being myself was worthwhile in and of its own right.
  
  I do my best to hold on to those realizations through the vicissitudes of life, and hope that all I can do will be enough in the end.
  
  Barb Caffrey
  
  January 12, 2024 at 1:05 am
  
  Reply
  - Hi Barb. Sorry for the delay in replying. Time seems have speeded up here in our house.
    
    When it comes to writing my approach is absolutely of no use to me looking to be a writer whose work gets noticed and not advice I should give to anyone; in that although I go down the self-published Kindle path, I am stubborn and will not be told; hence the whole thing is put together without any independent proof, beta or editorial input – apart from Word ‘Read Aloud’ and free Grammarly (no way will I pay to be told to do something by a machine!- HA!). Thus all my writing tends to be at my own pace and my own way. And not read by much of the public…😏
    
    Recently a long outstanding urge to write another trilogy ‘took off… nearing 40,000 words (they are often trilogies- never use a sentence when a paragraph looks so goods). And there we are, maybe in a generation or so someone will discover my work- who can tell?
    
    That said I have the highest regard and respect for indy writers who take a more responsible and it must be said mature approach to their work. You obviously put a great deal of this into both your writing and professional work, and as such there will always be a more self-analytical aspect, this I also respect. Though there is that rider; you should never be hard on yourself. ‘Hmm. That could go better’ is one thing and is necessary ‘Oh what a wretch I am’ is to be avoided at all times. It gets in the way (Its distant cousin. ‘Ha! See if I care. You don’t understand my approach’ is equally problematic- can be a failing of mine)
    
    One of Michael’s legacies to this world, is that he has left a gift, which is within you, I will use your own words here:
    
    “Where I started to realize that being myself was worthwhile in and of its own right.
    
    I do my best to hold on to those realizations through the vicissitudes of life, and hope that all I can do will be enough in the end.”
    
    This is the most worthwhile approach and pathway. I wish you all the best at all times.
    
    Take Care.
    Roger
    
    deteremineddespitewp
    
    January 13, 2024 at 6:48 am
  - Thank you so much, Roger. 🙂 Stay warm! 🙂
    
    Barb Caffrey
    
    January 13, 2024 at 10:36 pm
  - You too Barb.
    We are getting ready for a forecasted freeze over here, but our quirky weather can veer at times. It’s what comes of being an island in the northern part of the Atlantic, but also close to the continental Europe.
    I feel sorry for folk here who were hit by recent floods. Poor souls.
    
    deteremineddespitewp
    
    January 14, 2024 at 3:46 am

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