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21 Years (Yes, 21) Without Michael

Folks, about a week ago, I observed the title milestone, one I wish I’d never have had to face.

There’s this weird thing about numbers, you see. They can really freak you out. I remember September 21, 2011, as that was the seventh year since Michael died. Supposedly, all the cells in your body are replaced within seven years. I didn’t like that milestone either.

Others I haven’t liked included in that same year the day I turned a day older than Michael was when he died (no, I’m not going to mention which day) and of course the day my best friend, Jeff Wilson, died in November.

So, the sad milestones (“sadaversaries” in my parlance, a contraction of sad and anniversaries) have kept piling up. Ten years without Michael on September 21, 2014. Twenty years without him, last year. And twenty-one years without him this year…it’s something we do, as human beings, to both mark the passage of time and the people who shaped us and meant the most to us. It must not be too surprising that I always know exactly how long it’s been without my beloved husband. But it’s still difficult, challenging, and frustrating.

The reason twenty-one years is significant has to do with something I once heard about learning music and other skills. If you have the talent and you put in the work, it supposedly takes twenty-one years to be adept in any given discipline.

How does that apply, though? Does that mean I’m adept at grieving now?

I don’t know. I wish I did.

There’s a lot of people I miss in this life. My grandma. My father. My aunt Laurice and uncle Carl. Jeff Wilson. Those are all huge losses, and I will remember them all until the end of my life.

But nothing and no one has ever been more important to me than my late husband. Michael understood me and I understood him. We fit in every possible way, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We had amazing, wide-ranging conversations, we were both creative (in addition to his writing, he was a great cook and an excellent artist), we both wanted most of the same things — stability, honesty, a deep and abiding commitment to one another, and to be together as long as we possibly could.

We did get almost three years from the time I met him, and two years, two months, and twenty-eight days of marriage. After so much loss, so much sadness, it seemed absolutely miraculous to meet Michael, and I know he felt the same way about me.

I’m still struggling with trying to find a new place to live. I’m also struggling with many other things at the moment, none of them particularly pleasant. But it does help me to know that Michael always believed in me, and he thought no matter how long it took, I would always find a way through any problem.

In short, I’d always survive.

When he was alive, of course, it would’ve been “survive and thrive.” But right now, survival is what I need to cling to, along with the belief that I can, will, and must get out of the current situation and into a better one.

Michael would tell me, if he could, that I have not failed. Not as a writer, as a musician, as a scholar, as a wife, or even as a widow. That I have not failed. So long as I keep trying, so long as there’s even a breath remaining in my body, I have not failed.

I’m trying to keep that thought in the top of my mind, these days, as the struggle continues.

Written by Barb Caffrey

September 27, 2025 at 10:14 pm

Posted in Faith, heartbreaking stories, in general, Michael B. Caffrey, Persistence, Prescient observations, Remembrance, Widowhood, Writing

Tagged with family, life, love, mental health, personal update, sad anniversaries, survival, widows, writing

Way Too Hot, Way Too Humid…and My Thoughts Regarding the Recent MN Assassinations and Assassination Attempts

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The weather here in Southeastern Wisconsin is bad. It’s been hot, humid, and nasty for the past several days…this on top of the previous few weeks of marginal to outright bad air quality (this for everyone, not just asthmatics like me).

Otherwise, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. The shootings of the Minnesota lawmakers — the assassinations of one and her husband (Melissa and Mark Hortman), and the attempted assassinations of another and his wife (John Hoffman and his wife Yvette Hoffman) — have dwelled upon my mind. It is deeply upsetting that there are people in this country who do such awful things.

I’ve been saying this for years, mind, over the various terrible things that have happened. Not all of it has happened to politicians. Sometimes police have been shot (such as at a grocery store in Colorado) and killed while doing their jobs. (Indeed, there were police who were trying to keep order on January 6th, 2021, who got badly hurt. A few later died and there were at least ten who had significant injuries that caused them to retire early from the police force. Look up Michael Fanone’s name to find out what happened to him, that day.) There have been school kids killed for what seems like no reason whatsoever (Sandy Hook, Columbine, Uvalde).

I don’t know what the answers are to stop these things, especially as what tends to work in other countries does not work well in the United States. (Such as controlling the flow of automatic weapons. Note I didn’t say all weapons. The Second Amendment to the Constitution assuredly believed people should keep some weapons, though at the time it was written, gunsmithing was not very far along and automatic weaponry and semiautomatic weapons were not even a glimmer in a creator’s eye.)

But one thing I do know is, staying silent doesn’t work.

I condemn all of these various things that I’ve discussed. I have condemned them many times on my blog with other, awful things that have happened (including the attempted assassination of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords, D-AZ). And I most definitely condemn the assassination of the Hortmans and the attempted assassinations of the Hoffmans. I think if you believe in the Bible, as the shooter who assassinated the Hortmans and nearly managed to kill the Hoffmans supposedly did, that you need to look at the Ten Commandments again.

One of them is, “Thou shalt not kill.” Sometimes that is translated as “Thou shalt not murder.”

The shooter’s part-time roommate (I am not naming the shooter as I never do here at my blog) said in several places that he knew his roommate the shooter wasn’t happy with politicians. But the roommate also said that doing something like this is flat-out crazy. He never suspected the shooter. Pointed out that both he (the roommate) and the shooter had voted for Trump (there was a conspiracy theory going around saying that it was a leftwing activist who went after the Hortmans and Hoffmans for “not being left enough,” but that’s not the case).

I say this to point out that it’s more important to follow Jesus’s proposed eleventh commandment, that being “Love one another as I have loved you.”

I also want you to think about this: If Jesus were here now, who do you think he’d be helping? The homeless on the street, or the billionaires jetting from island to island? Would he be more likely to help the poor Mary Magdalenes of this world (i.e., prostitutes) or would he help those who already have power consolidate it into their two hands and never let it go?

If you honestly think that Jesus, if he came to Earth today, would not try to help the homeless and would not try to help contemporary Mary Magdalenes, I don’t know what to say to you.

“But Barb,” you protest. “Why wouldn’t he want to help the billionaires be better people?”

I think Jesus would want to do that. But if time was limited — and being in a mortal body, time is always limited — he’d help those who obviously needed it first. The drunks. The indigent. The folks trying their best who can’t catch a break. The prostitutes, especially those who’ve been human trafficked.

I do think that current-day billionaires should look at two people to perhaps give them some sort of enlightenment. The first is Bill Gates, who has vowed to give away his entire fortune before he dies. The second is, of all people, Cornelius Vanderbilt, as Vanderbilt’s philanthropy was almost as legendary as his ability to make lots and lots of money.

But as it’s very unlikely any of them will read my blog, I’ll leave the rest of you with this:

Be your best self. Care about others. Pay attention, and do what you can to alleviate other people’s pain. If you can make a positive difference for someone, do it.

That, to my mind, is what any positive religious influence, whether it’s Jesus, Confucius, the Buddha, Joseph Smith, or Baha’ullah, has hoped for us to do.

Also, keep listening to the new Pope. He has his head on straight. (You don’t have to agree with him 100% of the time. I think it’s impossible to agree with anyone 100% of the time.)

For those of you who feel as I do, stuck in the Void and wondering if anything you do will ever matter all that much, keep holding a positive thought as best you can.

One day at a time. Sometimes, one hour at a time, or one minute at a time. Just do your best to help others, and “Love one another the way I loved you,” as Jesus said. (Or as the Wiccans say, “Do what you want so long as you harm none.”)

P.S. The Hoffmans look on their way to a full recovery. I am very glad about this.

P.P.S. In case there’s any doubt, I condemn all violence. As Jon Stewart said last week on the Daily Show (Monday’s edition), “I don’t give a flying **** as to why this man” (meaning the shooter in MN) “did what he did.” (And yes, he said the actual word. I try not to do that, as if I started typing expletives all the time I’d get nothing done. But I did sympathize with Stewart while he used his own.)

P.P.P.S. I also am quite upset that the Hortmans’ faithful dog, a Golden Retriever, was shot. The Hortman children had to make the decision to put the poor dog down. Melissa Hortman, former Democratic Speaker of Minnesota’s lower house, was known for walking her dog, rain or shine, several times a day. That an innocent, loving animal was killed — as he wouldn’t have had to be put down without that shooter doing those atrocious and reprehensible things — in addition to the Hortmans themselves just angers me on a visceral level that I can’t quite explain.

Written by Barb Caffrey

June 23, 2025 at 6:22 am

Mourning the Passing of Milwaukee Bucks Legend Junior Bridgeman, 71

Thoughts on the Recent Deaths of Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa

Young Figure Skaters and Their Coaches Aboard Plane in Recent DC Airport Crash (Updated)

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The Washington Post reported today, January 31, 2025, that there may be as many as twenty young skaters, parents, and their coaches who were on American Eagle flight 5342. This page will be updated as more information comes in. These skaters and their parents, along with their coaches, deserve to be remembered.

While no official word has come yet, the Boston Figure Skating Club has released the names of several skaters and coaches who were on board a flight to Washington, DC, from Wichita, Kansas last night. That flight collided with a helicopter; no one knows yet how it happened, but it’s believed no one survived.

There were sixty-four crew and passengers on that flight. Among them were two young skaters, Jinna Han and Spencer Lane; their parents, Jin Han and Christine Lane; their coaches, Evgenia Shishkova and Vadim Naumov. Han was only fifteen years old, and Lane was just sixteen years old.

Edited to add: Two young figure skaters from the Washington Figure Skating Club also have passed away, those being Everly and Alydia Livingston. They were fourteen and eleven, respectively. Their parents Donna and Peter Livingston also perished.

Edited to add: Figure skater Cory Haynos, sixteen, and his parents, Stephanie and Roger Haynos, also were among the victims. He’d just landed a triple Axel jump for the first time at the developmental camp. That is a huge accomplishment for a young skater, and his potential, like the other skaters who passed away, was limitless.

Edited to add: Skaters Brielle Beyer and Edward Zhou, both of the Figure Skating Club of Northern Virginia, have also passed away. Beyer’s mother, Justyna, and Zhou’s parents, Kaiyan Mou and Joe Zhou, were also victims.

Also edited to add: Delaware Figure Skating Club lost coach Alexandr Kirsanov and young skaters Angela Yang and Sean Kay.

The United States Figure Skating Championships were held this year in Wichita. That’s why the young skaters and their coaches were there. After the championships, there’s usually a developmental camp for skaters with potential to climb higher. (Everyone in figure skating goes to these championships if they have the financial wherewithal to do so, unless they’re ill. It’s a very small community in a number of ways.)

I don’t know anything about Jinna Han or Spencer Lane, except that they were good skaters. They had excellent coaches (who, as noted above, have also died). They had boundless optimism, as future Olympic hopefuls must. They were hard-working, as figure skating is a demanding discipline. They wanted the best in life, the best in their sport, and the best from themselves, which is why they had stayed longer to attend that important developmental camp.

I do remember seeing their coaches, Shishkova and Naumov, skate back in 1994, when they won the world figure skating championship. They were brilliant, both technically and artistically. It’s not a surprise to me at all that they became coaches, nor is it a surprise to me that they were excellent coaches. (Not every figure skater becomes a coach, but those who do tend to be outstanding as they understand everything about it from the beginning of their careers until the end of their performing days.)

I mourn them all.

Edited to add: Coach and retired figure skater Inna Volyanskaya, a citizen of Russia, also perished in this crash.

The human cost is incalculable.

As one of the skaters said online at a social media site (I can’t remember which, as I heard this reported by local radio in Wisconsin rather than saw it), “Hug your loved ones. Hug them every day. Hug them hard.”

None of us knows the future. None of us knows what day will be our end, or how it will come. We can only make the best of the time we’re given.

One thing I do know about those figure skaters and their coaches is, they definitely did that. They lived in service to their art and to their sport. Their parents did everything they could to give their children a chance to excel in one of the most exciting, yet expensive, sports that has ever existed. The costumes, the choreography, the coaching, the ice time…sometimes it seems like the bills go on and on, all for a few brief moments in the sun.

Yet those brief moments in the sun — their short programs, their long programs, their experiences as they go to various events, etc. — are worth everything.

I wish this hadn’t happened. I don’t understand it.

But the unknown skater who said “Hug your loved ones” is right. That’s all we can do, as we continue to celebrate our own few, brief moments in the sun.

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 30, 2025 at 5:03 pm

Bob Uecker, Voice of the Milwaukee Brewers, Has Died

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I woke up today to the news that my childhood hero Bob Uecker, long-time voice of the Milwaukee Brewers, has died. He was 90.

While that’s a good, long life, Uecker was what I’d call an “American original.” He was a great broadcaster, yes, but also was an actor, a comedian, wrote two books (including Catcher in the Wry), a philanthropist, and was one of the more unforgettable people I’d ever watched, read about, or listened to during the course of my lifetime.

When I was very young, I listened to Uecker on the radio broadcasts with Merle Harmon. (Yes, that goes back a ways, doesn’t it?) Harmon was the play-by-play guy back then, while Uecker was the color man. At one point, Harmon felt Uecker was ready to start doing innings by himself, so the story Uecker often told was that Harmon simply didn’t show up one half-inning. Uecker had to do the game by himself. Harmon eventually did come back and finish the game, and they had a few more good years as radio partners before other announcers came in.

By that point, Uecker was the top dog. Everyone he mentored, whether it was Pat Hughes, Corey Provus, or current announcers Jeff Levering, Lane Grindle, and Josh Mauer, later became far better broadcasters with what assuredly seemed like more knowledge of the world around them.

There have been many tributes already, from former MLB commissioner Bud Selig; former Brewers players Brent Suter (now a pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds) and Ryan Braun; current announcers Grindle and Levering; current players Brandon Woodruff and Christian Yelich; current manager Pat Murphy; and finally, former manager Craig Counsell. Other announcers, both on TV and radio, have chimed in, along with some of the actors Uecker used to work with (Tracy Tofte worked with Uecker on the sitcom “Mr. Belvedere,” and visited Ueck three weeks ago). Fans went out to American Family Field (formerly known as Miller Park) and left cans of Miller Lite at the base of Ueck’s statue outside the stadium in memory of Ueck’s famous commercials for Miller Lite years ago. (They also left flowers, memories, and at least one Brewers baseball cap.)

All I can tell you is, Uecker was the announcer for the Brewers when I was young, as I grew up, and as I matured into the person I am today. He was funny, articulate, often charming, sometimes scathing, but always, always interesting. He made people laugh, even on the worst days of their lives. He charmed iconic TV host Johnny Carson so much that Carson gave Ueck the nickname “Mr. Baseball,” first ironically, then wholeheartedly. (Carson also had Ueck back over one hundred times on his show, including during the last week Carson hosted.)

I think, though, the reason I liked Uecker so much was because he was from Milwaukee. He didn’t lord it over anyone. He enjoyed people and liked cheering them up. He was frank, unassuming, and down-to-earth, and he absolutely loved his job as Voice of the Brewers.

His playing career wasn’t great; he hit .200, was known more for his defense than his offense, and retired at age thirty-three. He tried scouting but wasn’t great at it. Then he reinvented himself as an announcer, became a very good one, then a great one. Did stand-up comedy, charmed Carson (as previously mentioned), acted in Major League (my favorite baseball film ever) and of course on “Mr. Belvedere.” It seemed like anything Ueck turned his hand to, he succeeded.

But Uecker was human, and sometimes awful things happened to him. He had pancreatic cancer, which he fought, that eventually went into remission. He’d had open-heart surgery. He nearly died from a bite from a brown recluse, too. But worst of all, two of his children predeceased him: one because of San Joaquin Valley Fever, the other because of ALS. He leaves behind a wife, kids, grandchildren, the entirety of “Brewers Nation,” and many others who knew of his life, work, and charitable concerns.

In short, Bob Uecker was almost like a family member in a way, even though he didn’t know me from Eve. He was the best-known exponent of Wisconsin in general and Milwaukee in particular, showcasing the charm and humor and razor-sharp intelligence most of us who live here wish we had.

Ueck was the “Voice of Summer” to many — not just me — and he’ll be greatly missed.

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 17, 2025 at 12:18 am

The LA Fires: Hell on Earth

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Folks, I only lived in Northern California for a few years, but while I was there I noticed the weather patterns. (My late husband Michael had lived there for decades, so we talked about this from time to time.) In the summer, Los Angeles (LA) has a Mediterranean climate. In the fall, usually there are big rainstorms where sometimes homes not only can get flooded, but mudslides can take homes completely off their foundations. In the winter, the winds kick up, and if there’s been sufficient rain over the past nine months or so, there’s a lesser chance to have fires.

That’s not the situation right now.

California has been experiencing slightly different but much worse weather patterns in the fall and winter, partly because there hasn’t been enough rain during the previous months to do any good. So, with drought conditions, fires can start very quickly, and get very, very bad almost as the drop of a hat.

What caused the awful fires that have been going on now for about a week is a combination of factors, but the fact the region was in a drought is the main problem here. I call it “Hell on Earth” because whole blocks of residences are just plain, flat gone.

And the fires aren’t done yet.

There’s so much ash in the atmosphere in LA that some folks have said it looks kind of like snow. (Too bad it’s not. There is some moisture in snow.) The winds are unpredictable, awful, and the fires seem to be going every which way.

I’ve seen some politicians complain that the Democratic Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, might’ve done better here. I think that’s unfair criticism. The Mayor of LA, Karen Bass, also has been heavily criticized, with rumors going around that she’s fired the fire chief (untrue) and other such nonsensical things.

Look. Even if any of the criticism is remotely true, it is irrelevant. These people could have done everything right, and this still would’ve happened.

Why? It comes down to climate, weather patterns, and a worse than usual drought system. It’s a perfect storm of badness. Add those high winds, and you get chaos.

You get Hell on Earth.

Some in this world don’t seem to understand just how expensive it is to own real estate in any part of California, much less a usually extremely desirable location like LA. A $5.5M dollar home might be a $400,000 home somewhere else. (Under the current, inflated prices most people have to deal with.) A modest lot with a home on it is insanely expensive in California, especially in LA or San Francisco or San Diego.

People have lost everything they’d ever worked for. Some were retirees. Some were still in the workforce and were middle class or perhaps even lower middle class (if they’d inherited their home or a whole family had bought it together). By no means were all of the people affected movie stars, wealthy people who can buy everything they need at any time…no, most of the people were regular sorts.

Some of those who’ve died…one man was trying to get his son, who was severely disabled, out of the house and couldn’t do it. Another man was trying to save his house and refused to leave when the firefighters told him he had to go, and was found with a hose in his hand. Others died because the winds shifted so quickly, they could not get out.

The death toll right now, I think, stands at something like twenty-four people. That number’s only going to go up, and it could go way, way up depending on whether they can get any of the three major fires going on well contained. So far, they haven’t been able to do that, though there has been progress.

Still. The fire and police departments out there are working as much as they can — 12 hours on, 12 hours off — to help people. All sorts of people have come out of the woodwork to help, including the man I recommended to you all, actor Steve Gutenberg, helping others in whatever ways they can. (Jimmy Kimmel, on his nightly program on ABC, called Gutenberg “a national treasure” tonight. Rightfully so.)

These people will need enormous amounts of money and time and help. I hope they get it all. No one wants this. Even the politicians blaming other politicians, which I wish would not be happening during this crisis (save the kvetching until the fires are completely out, please!), do not want this. Devastation like this usually is only seen in wars.

Again, I hope these folks who’ve lost everything are able to rebuild and recover and restore their lives. I also hope those who have been injured fighting the fires will fully recover, and that the poor souls who couldn’t get out in time will be mourned.

It is our duty as human beings to help others that are hurting whenever we can. Those of us far from the action, who can’t go and feed people, and who can’t donate clothes (not in time to get there), but want to do something need to look at places like legitimate animal rescues (as many pets have been separated from their owners and need to be housed and fed and cared for) along with whatever the Los Angeles Fire Department recommends.

It may be — is — Hell on Earth out there. But we have to try to make it better if we possibly can, because as the saying goes, “There but for the grace of God go I.”

Written by Barb Caffrey

January 14, 2025 at 5:05 am

Posted in Community Activism, heartbreaking stories, in general, Prescient observations

Tagged with California, climate-change, compassion, disasters, drought, faith, fires, hell, Jimmy Kimmel, Los Angeles Fire Department, Los Angeles fires, News, Southern California, Steve Gutenberg, weather-related disasters

Christmas Should Be About Giving

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Folks, this time of year is not easy for me. As I’ve previously written about the aspects of grief, loss, frustration, and being upset that my life has taken a different course than I’d hoped, I wanted to discuss something else today.

But before I do, I wanted to mention the flip sides of all the above. Yes, I’ve grieved very hard for my husband Michael, and also for my father. This shows how much I loved them, how much I cared, and in Michael’s case, how much I want to keep at least some of his work alive. Yes, I’ve felt much loss in my life, though that’s helped me identify what’s truly important to me: my creativity, my friends, my remaining family, and of course included in that are the family pets. (Sometimes our furry companions can be our very best friends. I still miss my dog, Trouble, and he died seven years ago.)

As far as my life taking a different course than I’d hoped…well, my original hopes were to be a professional musician. My health wasn’t good enough. It’s still not good enough. But studying music for over twenty years mattered to me, and I retain that knowledge. Then, of course, after I finally met Michael after being previously divorced (and him also being previously divorced, too), I’d hoped we’d have decades together. Instead, we only had a few, short years. But his life and presence and light made a huge difference to me, and still does; I’d not have changed that for anything.

Anyway, it’s time to discuss the holidays. Mainly, Christmas, though there are other holidays also associated with the time such as Yule, celebrating the winter solstice, and so on. Christmas is about Jesus’s life, and how he came into it in a rather humble manner. We’re supposed to help those less fortunate than ourselves without lording it over them that we have a lot, they have nothing, and without believing they should be grateful for our condescension in realizing they have very little.

My friend Betsy Lightfoot and her family are still struggling in Kansas City with basic needs. Her house burned, and while some of it is salvageable, it’s taken a lot of hard work and struggle to get to the point the power got turned back on. (I think that happened last week.) The house still isn’t livable, her health, not to mention her husband Jonathan’s health, isn’t good, their car is old and in need of repair, and basically they need all the help anyone can give them. Without condescension. With joy in your heart, if you can manage it, even…they truly are good people (they hosted me for a week back in 2005, and Betsy helped me and my mother close up her house before Mom moved into her apartment in 2016), they deserve far better than this, and I feel a bit guilty that I haven’t been able to send them anything as my own situation is not easy nor particularly sustainable. (Further the writer sayeth not, at least not about that. Maybe after the first of the year.)

I have hoped for a miracle, quite frankly, in Betsy and her family’s case. (I’ve also hoped for miracles in other cases and occasionally received them. See: finding Michael, that amazing 36-hour conversation we had over Christmas, the fact that he didn’t care about my weight, my health, or anything save my soul and my love for him…if that wasn’t a miracle, I don’t know what was.) They need a lot of help to get back up on their feet, as Betsy and her husband both are less healthy in many ways than I am. Betsy is a gifted writer, who had been about to put her first novel-length story up for sale…she has a novella called “The Ugly Knight” available via Amazon and its program Kindle Unlimited, which has its own charms but is obviously an early work, so this would’ve been her second major effort.

Why hasn’t that happened, though? Because the amount of work in getting a burned-down house back up to snuff is incredibly high, especially when you’re juggling your own health, your husband’s health, getting your son to work, making your health appointments, finding a temporary place to live…all that. It crowds out everything else, because there is no room for anything except “how do I get out of this mess that I didn’t create?”

I feel terrible for Betsy. I want her to be in a house that’s comfortable, livable, sustainable, and filled with joy and optimism. When that day comes, she’ll be able to go back to her novel, much less her other writing (she has at least two other novels in train). I want to help her get from here to there, which is why I urge you to go to her GiveSendGo account and do whatever you can.

Christmas is at least in part about helping the less fortunate. Betsy and her family qualify. I know it’s really tough for her to have to say how bad off they are, though she has in this recent blog post. If you can do anything at all to help her, please do.

To my mind, that’s what Christmas is all about.

Written by Barb Caffrey

December 9, 2024 at 4:22 pm

The Appalachian Crisis, Courtesy of Hurricane Helene

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Right now, people in Appalachia are suffering due to the aftermath of Hurricane Helene. (Any US newspaper will have details.) Being up in the mountains wasn’t as beneficial as it usually is due to the heavy rainfall. Some homes washed away completely. So did streets, major highways, all sorts of thoroughfares…the people who managed to get out with their families (including their pets) have said they know how lucky they were to do it.

You may be wondering why this blog is focused only on Appalachia. Of course Florida got hit, too. Most of the people in Florida, though, knew what to do to either shelter in place or leave before the storm ever showed up. That wasn’t the case in Appalachia for the most part, especially in rural North Carolina and rural Virginia. North Carolina got hit especially hard, and the first responders are having a very difficult time getting help to those who need it. (Basically, until proven otherwise, everyone’s going to be presumed to need help.)

I am aware of the devastation a flash flood can bring, even a much smaller one that was not caused by a hurricane. That’s because years ago, in Colorado Springs, I was in the midst of one. I had a very small car back then, a hatchback that seated two people (there was a quasi-backseat, but that was only if you folded it down.) I managed to get through an intersection just as it was starting to flood out. I saw later that people had not made it through the intersection behind me, in bigger cars than mine, and had to be rescued from the tops of their cars by helicopters or even by canoes. This flood was bad, was sudden, and there was property damage…but fortunately, no one lost their lives. And within a few days, you’d have never known the area had flooded out.

My experience happened before the widespread use of cellular phones. (And yes, that’s what they were called back then. No shortening to “cell” just yet.) But people were told to stay off the phone lines for the duration of the emergency, and if they were able to go home safely, they should. (I saw all the coverage of the storm, with people getting picked up from the tops of their cars, etc., because of the evening news.) The other things people were told to do were commonsensical: Stay out of the way of the first responders, go home and stay home, and wait to hear if and when you could return to work in that area (or at least drive through it safely).

Right now, such commonsensical things aren’t able to be applied, for the most part, because Appalachia (the mountains and surrounding region) goes through fourteen states on the East Coast. It’s mostly rural. People up there are self-sufficient to a fault. They didn’t get the word early enough that this was going to be an especially bad storm and it would affect them high in the mountains…but even if they had, they might not have been able to get out. Many communities in North Carolina in particular have been described as having few ways to get in and out, and some of the ways people could get up to those rural places was on major highways (some now washed out) with bridges (down or washed completely away) and other such things needed to get them out.

I can’t tell how much road rebuilding will be necessary, except “a lot” from this distance. I am worried, though, because with cell towers down, no electricity, many cars and trucks washed away, houses destroyed, there’s no way to find out except by going door to door — and by using bicycles, of all things — who’s alive, who’s not, and who needs help. (See what I said before, though. Until proven otherwise…everyone needs help.)

If you have family or friends in that area and they’ve not checked in, the authorities are telling people to text. Not call. Text, because it’s more likely to get through. Text also doesn’t clog the emergency lines as much.

Food, water, medical supplies, and other things will be needed in the upcoming days. It may take months or even years to bring back all that was lost — at least, the buildings, the infrastructure, and the roads. People in Swannanoa, NC, which mostly got obliterated, are already vowing to rebuild. Their families came from there, generations back, and they do not want to move. Other communities either have said or will say much the same thing.

At any rate, while I worry about my friends in Florida, I know they have a good idea of what emergency services there are, they knew how to plan for a week or more without power, and the state government usually seems to do a good job at getting things up and running again.

None of that — absolutely none — can be said for these poor rural communities in Appalachia. Most had no idea how bad Hurricane Helene was going to be. There were no plans to get people extra food or water beforehand (or lay in some at the nearest church or community center). No procedures in place for any of this, as it’s not happened before that far up in the mountains.

The cities in North Carolina were much more prepared than the small towns and hamlets. The coastal areas were much more prepared, too. The former, because they had procedures in place; the latter, because they’ve seen some of this before.

At the moment, all I can do is pray for those folks up there who haven’t been found, but are alive — hungry, thirsty, perhaps needing medicine desperately, but alive. I hope they will be found quickly, they will get the medication they need, they will be fed, clothed, sheltered, and given as much water as they’re able to drink.

This is so new to the folks up there that there’s no widespread call as of yet for help. The ability to ask for help isn’t there in some places. In others, maybe they can ask, but they’re worried they won’t get it…I’m pretty sure the National Guard will be mobilized, and the Reservists may get called up as well, as people are going to be needed in a big way to help others and rebuild roads and bridges.

So, the TL;DR of it all is: If you have family up there, text them. Don’t call. Leave the lines open as much as possible for the emergency responders. Look for ways to help the people suffering in Appalachia, as that’s the only thing we can do as presumably civilized people — helping others is what we need to do, to prove that we are human, we care, and that if at all possible we’ll get them on their feet again. And pray. Pray. Pray.

Written by Barb Caffrey

October 1, 2024 at 6:36 am

Posted in heartbreaking stories, in general, Informational Stuff

Tagged with Appalachia, Appalachian Mountains, flash flodos, flash floods, hurricane, Hurricane Helene, hurricanes, News, North Carolina, rural places, weather

My Birthday Wishes for 2024 Are…(I have two)

with 4 comments

Folks, I said this a few days ago on Facebook, and I’d like to repost what I said at my blog. (My Facebook page, BTW, in case you haven’t been there, is here.)

So, here goes! (Repost follows…)

Thank you all so much for the warm birthday wishes. This was one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had, and I appreciate that very much.

I’d like you to do two things now, if you can. First, go help my friend Betsy Lightfoot. Their house burned down due to arson. She and her family have done a lot of good for others. They really, really didn’t deserve this. (Finances precluded them to have home insurance, though they had been about to get it back.)

https://www.givesendgo.com/GD2AK

Second, support a writer, any writer, that you’ve not read before. (Am I saying this because I’m a writer myself? Well, yeah…) Go read something if you have KU from someone you’ve never heard of. Maybe you’ll find a new fun author to try, maybe you don’t…but at least you’ll have given someone a thrill that their work has been noticed.

If you don’t have KU, find something that’s the equivalent of $4 USD or less, and when you get paid, providing you have enough money for a book or story, go buy it then.

There are so many writers who don’t get read who are really good, thoughtful writers. They have senses of humor. They have emotional depth. They have wit, and charm, and historicity and characterization…all writers want is for someone to read them. If you like what you read, great! But at least being read helps, as it makes us feel less like we’re shouting into the heart of the Void (and are thus completely unheard).

That was the end of the repost, but I wanted to say a few more things now. The writers I know well include Chris Nuttall, Leo Champion, Kayelle Allen, Rosemary Edghill, and Katharine Eliska Kimbriel. If you haven’t read any of their books, go find one right now and buy it or borrow it. (Chris and Leo have had things available on Kindle Unlimited now and again, and Kayelle might, too.) In addition, as I used to work with Jason Cordova over at Shiny Book Review, I’d like to recommend his work to you. (My favorite is the one about the little kaiju at Christmas. A girl had hoped for a dog, got a kaiju, and found out it was exactly what she wanted or needed. It’s a feel-good story about hope.)

You will enjoy what they’re doing. They all write well, come up with extremely immersive worlds, and will take you out of your own head for hours or days (depending on how immersed you are).

Now, as for my friend Betsy Lightfoot’s situation? I feel terrible that she’s in this position, having to deal with a house that’s seriously damaged, not knowing if the person who caused this fire will be arrested (or when)…time is at a premium, and she lost pretty much everything she owned. If you can help her, please do. If you can’t, say a prayer for her, and think good thoughts…she’s a gifted writer who was getting close to putting her first novel up for sale. I’ve read it and I liked it very much, enough to edit it for her and give whatever help I could.

Ask yourself, please, what you’d do in such a situation. Then think about this: Betsy and her family have gone out of their way to help people. There are people who get help all the time who don’t need it nearly as badly as Betsy does right now.

That’s why my birthday wishes are two: Help Betsy out. Find a writer who’s new to you and go buy something, anything…or borrow it via KU, if you have that.

We writers have to stick together. That’s why I’ve written this post.

Written by Barb Caffrey

August 20, 2024 at 1:25 am

Posted in Books, Chris Nuttall, friendship, heartbreaking stories, Informational Stuff, Jason Cordova, Rosemary Edghill, Writing

Tagged with arson, asking for help, Betsy Lightfoot, catastrophes, Elizabeth "Jasini" Lightfoot, fires, help writers, house burned down, Katharine Eliska Kimbriel, Kindle Unlimited, Leo Champion

Barb Caffrey's Blog

Archive for the ‘heartbreaking stories’ Category

21 Years (Yes, 21) Without Michael

Way Too Hot, Way Too Humid…and My Thoughts Regarding the Recent MN Assassinations and Assassination Attempts

Mourning the Passing of Milwaukee Bucks Legend Junior Bridgeman, 71

Thoughts on the Recent Deaths of Gene Hackman and his wife, Betsy Arakawa

Young Figure Skaters and Their Coaches Aboard Plane in Recent DC Airport Crash (Updated)

Bob Uecker, Voice of the Milwaukee Brewers, Has Died

Christmas Should Be About Giving

The Appalachian Crisis, Courtesy of Hurricane Helene

My Birthday Wishes for 2024 Are…(I have two)

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