Archive for the ‘Michael B. Caffrey’ Category
Just Reviewed Katharine Eliska Kimbriel’s “Night Calls” at SBR
Folks, today’s review of Katharine Eliska Kimbriel’s NIGHT CALLS is up over at Shiny Book Review (SBR for short) and it’s something special.
You might be wondering why that is. Well, today is the ninth anniversary of my beloved husband Michael’s death. It’s not easy for me to do much of anything on days like this, so if I feel strong enough and competent enough and capable enough to review a book, right there — in and of itself — you should realize I feel very strongly about it.
But more to the point, NIGHT CALLS is a heartwarming book that should delight all lovers of fantasy. It features a strong, capable young woman in Alfreda Sorensson who’s no one’s plaything; unlike the meek and mild female characters in Stephanie Meyer’s conception, Alfreda does for herself, thank you. And in taking on responsibility slowly, we can see how Alfreda grows and changes and learns . . . all good, all life-affirming, all an excellent message if you need one, but done in such a way that it’s subordinate to the story itself.
To write a novel that’s more than the sum of its parts is very difficult. Now, I’ve reviewed four of Katharine Eliska Kimbriel’s novels, and all four have been able to do this to one degree or another, in two different genres, no less — an outstanding record that I’ve rarely seen out of anyone not named Rosemary Edghill. And best of all, to my mind, is this — NIGHT CALLS is a comfort book in that there’s so much good in it, so much meaning in it, that it’s something that I can see myself turning back to read and re-read many times over the years — just as I’ve done with Rosemary’s TWO OF A KIND and MET BY MOONLIGHT and all her shared work with Mercedes Lackey, not to mention Rosemary’s excellent “Hellflower” series (written as eluki bes shahar) and her three novels in the “Twelve Treasures” series.
That’s the highest praise I can possibly give.
Now, why would I want to write all this on one of the most difficult days of the year? Well, it’s simple. Michael and I both loved to read young adult novels. We found them to be interesting, in the main, because seeing a coming of age story done well is, in and of itself, life-affirming. If you can do it with some humor and heart — as Patricia C. Wrede did in CALLING ON DRAGONS, say, or as Diana Wynne Jones did in her “Chrestomanci series” — so much the better.
And trust me, Ms. Kimbriel did exactly that in NIGHT CALLS.
It was reading books like Ms. Kimbriel’s that inspired me to start writing ELFY in the first place. Which is why I’m very glad to be able to read and review her work, even though until this last year I hadn’t a clue it was available. The good part about that is that I’ve read four of her excellent books this year, and all four of them — the three in her “Chronicles of Nuala” series and NIGHT CALLS — are likely to be on my “best books of 2013” list.
This makes me wonder how many other excellent writers are out there that I don’t yet know about. (“More writers left to explore?” I say. “Whee!”)
And it also gives me some hope that my own writing career is not yet dead, even though my health this year has been terrible and I’ve been slow off the mark to get things done despite all the good will in the world due to that.
Anyway, that’s why I reviewed Ms. Kimbriel’s excellent NIGHT CALLS today. For hope. For inspiration. For the belief that despite bad things happening, good people can still win out.
And I think that if you give Ms. Kimbriel’s work a try, you, too, will be favorably impressed.
SF Writer Ann (A.C.) Crispin Has Died
Science fiction and fantasy writer Ann (A.C.) Crispin has died at 63 due to cancer, numerous sources have confirmed. (Here’s an obituary from Tor.com.) Ms. Crispin wrote numerous novels, many of them being media tie-ins with emotional depth and resonance (such as her two Star Trek novels, YESTERDAY’S SON and TIME FOR YESTERDAY); she also wrote two excellent novels with André Norton, GRYPHON’S EYRIE and SONGSMITH, and several in her own STARBRIDGE series.
Ms. Crispin was an excellent writer, but she also was very interested in helping newcomers navigate the world of publishing. Alongside this blog is a list of links, one being to a site called Writer Beware. That site was co-founded by Ms. Crispin and Victoria Strauss because they both wanted writers to arm themselves with knowledge and to know what a reasonable, honest contract from a publisher should look like — and what one definitely should not look like.
I never met Ms. Crispin personally, never talked with her in any depth online, but I still feel a debt is owed to her due to all of her advocacy through Writer Beware. And as I read and enjoyed many of her twenty-four complete novels (much less her numerous short stories), but never reviewed any of them (some of them predate my excursions into reviewing; others were printed in the years right after my beloved husband Michael’s passing, where I rarely reviewed anything or had much of an online presence, either), I wish I had said something while there was still time.
Others who did know Ms. Crispin personally have shared at least some of their experiences, including Crispin’s best friend, Victoria Strauss a few days ago (Crispin had posted a message saying she knew her time was short, and Ms. Strauss posted a wrap-around message with a picture of the two of them together, walking along the beach — it’s a beautiful shot). As Ms. Strauss said today, “Please honor Ann’s memory, and her work, by reading her books and spreading the word about Writer Beware.”
I agree.
On a personal level, I wanted to mention that my late husband, Michael, was also a fan of Ms. Crispin, partly because he was a huge fan of Andre Norton and knew about Crispin’s two collaborations with Norton. He started reading Ms. Crispin’s work because of those collaborations, as did I, then read her Star Trek novels and the entire Starbridge series, among others. We also recommended her books to our friends, though we found that most of them had already read her books before we got a chance to recommend them. (Strange how we all tended to read the same books, but that is a subject for a different blog than this one.)
In case you haven’t read Ann Crispin’s work, here’s a link to her available books on Amazon. Take a look. Then buy something, and look forward to a great read with emotional depth and poignance.
Because that’s what Ms. Crispin was best at, whenever she wasn’t over at Writer Beware helping out other writers.
My condolences to Ms. Crispin’s family, especially her husband, writer Michael Capobianco, her best friend, writer and Writer Beware co-founder Victoria Strauss, and to all of her fans, everywhere. She will be greatly missed.
———-
Note: Earlier this week, the SF&F community lost another great writer — a pioneer in the field, no less — Frederik Pohl — at the age of 93, and the world at large lost writer and television broadcaster David Frost at 74. Supposedly, it’s a myth that noteworthy passings come in threes . . . yet here, that myth has proven out. (Strange, that.)
An Update Regarding Michael’s Novellas
It’s time, and past time, to give you all an update regarding my late husband Michael B. Caffrey’s “Joey Maverick” novellas. So here we go.
Over the next several weeks, I’m going to offer two different “Maverick” stories, “A Dark and Stormy Night” and “On Westmount Station.” Cover art has been chosen, and formatting is about to get underway for independent e-book publication.
“A Dark and Stormy Night” is about a low-tech sailing regatta in the future; Joey Maverick is merely a crewman on one of the sailing ships. When a vicious storm sets in, the captain is incapacitated, and Joey must take charge. Rescues ensue, and Joey encounters feisty nurse Belinda Simpson, who is a pain in the caboose to deal with as she questions Joey’s authority at every turn . . . so why does Joey feel so attracted to her? Ultimately, “A Dark and Stormy Night” is an excellent action-adventure story with just a touch of low-key romance that’s appropriate for all ages.
“On Westmount Station” is a more typical milSF story because Lieutenant Joey Maverick is about to go off to space. However, there’s a little problem on Westmount Station that no one quite expected as there’s a bomb in an unexpected place. Joey’s the man on the spot; he and his new team must defuse the bomb before it’s too late, and deal with the terrorist in question besides . . . there’s action, there’s suspense, there’s mystery, and then there’s Joey, who has to be one of the more fun, albeit low-key, characters I’ve ever had the pleasure to read about. Truly, this is a story that many people will enjoy, especially if you like your military adventure with just a touch of wry.
If these stories do well, I plan to work on fleshing out a third novella in 2014.
These stories will have bylines of “by Michael B. Caffrey with Barb Caffrey” as I edited and smoothed out various things in the first novella, while I added a subplot, action and additional characters in the latter. But they firmly are Michael’s stories, set in Michael’s universe, using Michael’s main character Joey Maverick and should be enjoyed by anyone who loved my husband’s work.
People have asked me many times over the years since Michael’s passing why I’ve been bound and determined to keep Michael’s writing alive (as Michael wrote the first novella back in 2000, and what turned into the second novella in 2001). It’s very simple, really; Michael was an exceptionally gifted writer. I want his words to live, because he worked hard on them, the stories are excellent, and I think many people will enjoy them if they only have the opportunity to find and read them.
I don’t know what else Michael would have written had he lived. But I do know this: He was every bit as persistent as I am. He would not have given up on his own work. And he would want me to get these stories out there in whatever form, because he knew what he’d done and he wanted others to read his stories.
I plan to offer the two novellas at Amazon through Kindle Direct Publishing, at Smashwords, and at BN.com, among others . . . and I hope that everyone who has an interest in my husband’s work will buy them. (Please!)
A September 2012 Update
Folks, September is always a difficult month for me, because this is the month my wonderful husband Michael passed away. That I’m dealing with a sinus infection that refuses to go away is not helping.
I’m enjoying the Milwaukee Brewers and their recent run to respectability, as they’re now 66-69, only three games below .500.
Other than that, I’m continuing to work away while dealing with the most difficult month on the schedule . . . for the moment, at least at FB, I have a picture of myself with my late husband Michael up as one of the folks on FB complained that anyone who is unwilling to show his/her face must not be much of a person. Normally I’d shrug this off, but I figured just this once I’d put up my picture with Michael, explain why I normally do not use it, and go on from there . . . clear as mud, right?
More status updates as I get them.
Valentine’s Day 2012 — A Slow, Quiet Day
Today was a slow, quiet day in most respects; I mostly focused on editing. But then I realized that I hadn’t posted a blog subject in several days (bad, bad me), so that’s why you’re seeing a new one even though I have little to say of consequence.
That being said, let’s get to it.
Folks, those of you who have living spouses and/or significant others, I hope you’ve had a wonderful Valentine’s Day.
For the rest of y’all, who are in my position — that is, widows and widowers — do your best to remember how it felt to be fully alive in all senses, and how it felt to love and be loved in return. That’s the best way we have to honor our loved ones, so treasure those memories and do not surrender them even if (when?) you manage to find someone new to love down the road. Because if someone falls in love with you, they have to fall in love with every part of you, not just the parts they like — or the parts that are easiest to love. And as a wise man once told me, “Michael was a very big part of your life. How you could possibly excise him in order to tempt someone else into a relationship is beyond me. So don’t listen to anyone who tells you not to talk about Michael, because that person is, as you say, ‘plain, flat wrong.'” (Three guesses as to who said this, and the first two don’t count.)
Anyway, this is what I said last year, and it still holds true for this year and many years to come:
https://elfyverse.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/valentines-day-for-love-not-conspicuous-consumption/
So remember, folks; V-Day should be all about love, not all about what gifts you give (or get in return).
Enjoy!
Whitney Houston dies at 48
Whitney Houston has died at age 48.
I heard the news tonight on various channels, including MSNBC, CNN, and Fox News, so there is no mistake. Houston is dead, and her beautiful voice and ability to emote while singing has died with her.
From a musical standpoint, there was a great deal to admire about Houston. She had an operatic range, which is rare for singers of popular music (only Mariah Carey among current pop singers has anything close to the range of Houston). She also chose great songs from great songwriters; for example, one of Houston’s best-known songs, “I Will Always Love You,” was originally written and performed by Dolly Parton — herself no slouch as a singer. Yet Houston was able to add something to Parton’s excellent song to the point that if you asked ten people who’d heard each version which one they liked better, seven out of ten would probably say they liked Houston’s version better.
Houston’s death is a great loss for the music community. And even knowing that the Grammy Awards are tomorrow (where music as a whole celebrates music and musicians), and that there will have to be a Houston retrospective, it doesn’t help overmuch because it just doesn’t seem right that someone so vital die at age 48.
As anyone who’s read my blog knows, I resonate strongly to this because my late husband Michael died at age 46, suddenly and without warning. Then my best friend Jeff died last year, suddenly and without warning, after he’d fought off the worst of a terrible bacterial infection and seemed to be on the upswing, at age 47. This is why it really and truly does not seem right to me that someone who still had so much left to give is dead at age 48.
I tend to think a person’s life has to be measured by what he or she did with it; in the case of Houston, I believe she was as successful as she could be, considering the terrible toll drug addiction had exacted from her. She was a gifted performer, a fine singer, and by many accounts was a very kind person whose only real weakness was drugs.
At any rate, Houston’s life is over; she’s done all she could, and now all we have left are the recordings she left behind.
I refuse to say “rest in peace” because the phrase has been so overused that it’s trite. I’d rather say that my heart goes out to Houston’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina, Houston’s ex-husband, Bobby Brown (someone that Houston stayed close to even after she divorced him), her mother Cissy Houston (a gifted singer in her own right), and cousin Dionne Warwick (one of the best singers of the ’60s, ’70s, and early ’80s), along with anyone else who knew Houston or loved her music. May they be comforted by their memories and/or her music; may her spirit find happiness in Eternity. (Amen.)
————
** Note: Whatever else that can be said about my late husband, or my best friend Jeff, know that up until the day of each man’s passing, they learned, changed, grew, and became better people the longer they lived. This is not to say they were saints (saints are boring); they were good men, which is a whole lot tougher thing to be than it seems.
Whitney Houston, according to Rev. Al Sharpton, had beaten most of her demons (this is my best paraphrase from hearing Sharpton on CNN and earlier on MSNBC); CNN has reported that Houston was about to star in her first movie in 15 years. So as far as anyone knows right now, Houston was clean and sober. She was able to act. And she was able to perform again, albeit with a voice that was badly ravaged by drugs — though even had she “stayed clean” throughout her life, the voice tends to break down for many operatic-trained sopranos in their late 40s.
To my mind, Houston’s life was a success. Not because she was such a great singer, but because she kept trying and didn’t give up. In this way — and perhaps only in this way — she was like my husband, or my friend, and that’s the main reason I mourn her passing.
2011: My Year in Review (the Good, the Bad, and the Incredibly Sad)
Everyone’s doing a “2011 Year in Review” column; at some places, like Shiny Book Review, this makes more sense (there, we did a “best of 2011” piece; check it out here). So I thought I’d do one, too, incorporating most of what went on that’s fit to print that made any sort of impact on my life whatsoever.
Note that as Shiny Book Review has already been covered, I’m not going to say much about it here; I enjoyed posting reviews in 2011, and I will continue to do the same in 2012.
As far as fiction writing goes, I estimate that I wrote about 150,000 words on various projects. I completed a new chapter and a half of CHANGING FACES; this will be finished in 2012. I wrote a new chapter and revised five chapters of KEISHA’S VOW, an ELFY prequel set in 1954. I wrote a new chapter and a half and revised six chapters of AN ELFY ABROAD, the direct sequel to ELFY. I did my best to find an agent, but found no takers.
As far as editing goes, I was pleased to edit six different books — one on conventions and careers, four medical books (including one anthology), and one science fiction novel. More editing is planned for the New Year.
Now, let’s get to the month-by-month breakdown of other events.
January 2011:
New Republican Governor Scott Walker takes office, turns down federal railroad funds (following through on his election promise to do so), vows to work with everyone, etc. (Too bad that last was all talk.)
“Joey Maverick: On Westmount Station” published at e-Quill Publishing (with Michael B. Caffrey). This is the first piece of writing in Michael’s universe sold in over five years; I wrote over half of this story, but it continues to go under Michael’s name as an editorial decision by e-Quill’s publisher as it’s a continuing series. (I’m sure Michael wouldn’t have approved, but there’s nothing to be done. My name is on it as the secondary writer and there’s a permanent link to this story on this blog’s sidebar.)
Green Bay Packers blow through post-season, winning the National Football Conference championship. Will represent NFC in the Super Bowl.
January 8: United States Representative Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) shot in the head by crazed gunman; she miraculously survives and recovers. Several staff-members and innocent bystanders killed, including U.S. District Judge John Roll. Gunman in police custody.
February 2011:
February 6: Packers win Super Bowl XLV.
February 11: Scott Walker vows to eliminate collective bargaining for all public employee unions (including teachers, nurses, and snowplow drivers, among others) except for fire and police personnel. A firestorm of protest follows; the fourteen Democratic state Senators (“Wisconsin 14”) flee the state in order to deny the Legislature a quorum to keep the Republican-dominated Senate from passing a companion bill to the quickly-passed bill from the Republican-dominated Assembly. The “WI 14” state their reason for doing this as the only way to educate the public as to what this bill will do to the state; more protests ensue.
March 2011:
Gov. Walker and his allies, including Lieutenant Governor Rebecca Kleefisch, Senate Majority Leader Scott Fitzgerald (R-Juneau) and Assembly Speaker Jeff Fitzgerald (R-Horicon, brother of Scott F.), take to the airwaves urging the WI 14 to return to Wisconsin so Senate Bill 10 (eliminating collective bargaining for all public employee unions, even though the teachers, nurses, etc., have all vowed publicly to take paycuts and give back vacation days and pay more for their health and life insurance providing collective bargaining is left in place) can be passed.
March 9: Senate strips all financial provisions out of the bill, allowing it to be passed without a quorum. Only Dale Schultz (R-Richland Center) opposes this bill, saying it goes too far; the Senate passes this motion 18-1.
March 12: WI 14 returns to state to loud acclaim from most; some vow to recall their sitting state Senators from both parties.
April 2011:
Milwaukee Brewers start their season.
Vinny Rottino starts season with New Orleans Zephyrs of the Pacific Coast League (affiliated with the Florida Marlins, prior to the Marlins’ name change).
JoAnne Kloppenburg loses state Supreme Court race to incumbent David Prosser by less than 1/2 of 1% of the vote. Recount commences.
April 21: Recall petitions filed for nine Senators, six Republicans and three Democrats. Elections scheduled for three different days; the first is held in mid-July.
May 2011:
Rottino has a fantastic month for the Zephyrs.
Brewers are still rounding into form.
Looking forward to recall elections.
Receive praise but no sales for three separate pieces of writing.
May 1: Osama bin Laden killed, at long last.
May 23: Recount confirms David Prosser as winner of state Supreme Court seat. JoAnne Kloppenburg decides not to sue; eventually seeks seat on state’s Appellate Court.
June 2011:
Observe my ninth wedding anniversary, the seventh spent alone since Michael’s untimely death in 2004.
Waiting avidly for recall elections.
July 2011:
Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder, and Rickie Weeks elected to represent the Brewers at the All-Star Game. Braun is on the disabled list; does not play. Minor controversy ensues as closer John Axford, having an excellent season, is not named to the All-Star team, nor is Brewers ace Yovani Gallardo.
Observe my late husband’s birthday even though, were he alive, he’d have taken no notice of the event. (Michael counted unBirthdays instead, as there were a whole lot more of them, thus more to celebrate.)
Vinny Rottino makes the AAA All-Star team for the first time since 2008.
July 19: Dave Hansen (D-Green Bay) is easily retained in his recall election.
July 31: Debt-ceiling crisis legislation is signed by President Obama. Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) claims victory. Most people unimpressed; Congress’s approval rating falls to new lows, and the President’s approval rating takes a hit, too.
August 2011:
Observe my birthday, though my best friend Jeff is many states away and my husband is long dead, so I wonder what the point is.
August 9: Two Republican state Senators, Dan Kapanke (La Crosse) and Randy Hopper (Fond du Lac) are ousted in recall elections. Another four Republican state Senators, Alberta Darling (River Hills), Robert Cowles (Green Bay), Sheila Harsdorf (River Falls) and Luther Olsen (Ripon) are retained.
August 16: Both Democratic Senators up for recall, Bob Wirch of Kenosha and Jim Holperin of Conover, are easily retained. Status of nine recalls: Two Rs lost their seats, while four Rs were retained. All three Ds were retained. Wisconsin state Senate stands at 17 Rs and 16 Ds.
September 2011:
Vinny Rottino’s fine AAA season is rewarded by a September call-up from the Florida Marlins. He plays in several games, mostly as a pinch hitter or in the outfield. Gets a few hits.
Occupy Wall Street (soon to be Occupy Everywhere) movement starts.
Tenth anniversary of 9/11/01.
Observed the seventh anniversary of Michael’s last day of life on 9/21/11.
Late September: Jeff falls ill but does not go to the doctor.
September 28: Milwaukee Brewers win first National League Central division title in history, make post-season play for first time since 2008. Hopes are high. John Axford sets single-season saves record with 46 and most saves successfully converted in a row with 42.
October 2011:
October 7: Brewers win first post-season series against Arizona Diamondbacks (3-2).
mid-October: Jeff is taken to the hospital and is quickly transferred to the best specialty hospital in Northern Colorado. Bacterial endocarditis is the diagnosis. I don’t find out about it until he’s been in the hospital seven days (fortunately he told a good friend there how to get a hold of me). He nearly dies on the table due to open-heart surgery, something I don’t find out until nearly two days afterward. He’s unable to talk for nearly two weeks and is mostly unresponsive to stimuli. Death seems near.
October 16: Brewers lose National League Championship series to eventual World Series champs St. Louis Cardinals; I’m more obsessed with Jeff’s condition and say so.
October 20: Moammar Qaddafi, dictator of Libya, killed. This, too, barely registers.
November 2011:
Jeff slowly starts to get better, regaining his powers of speech and mobility. Cannot read well, which vexes him as a longtime, avid reader — and cannot write or create, which vexes him as a writer. He improves so much he’s transferred to a long-term rehabiliation place (I talk with him every night he’s able, which basically is every single night).
However, Jeff only lives for four days after he’s transferred to rehab; in our last conversation on November 11, he tells me he’s exhausted and wondering when he’s going to get better, though he’s mostly upbeat. Inwardly, I cheer that he has enough energy to mildly complain; I look forward to our next phone call, which was to be on November 12 at 7:45 p.m MST.
November 12: At 7 p.m. MST, Jeff has a massive stroke and is taken back to the specialty hospital. I don’t find out about this until November 13; all I know at the time is that Jeff hasn’t answered his phone, and I’m not able to get anyone at the rehab place to find out why.
November 13: Get call from Jeff’s brother, Randy; Jeff is dead. The stroke killed him. His parents were with him when he died.
None of this comforts me at all, as I’d been hoping somehow to get out to him to visit and cheer him up.
His death, which a few weeks ago had seemed imminent, now seems like an extremely bad joke made by an unloving, uncaring Deity; Jeff had worked so hard to regain his speech and mobility, and could reason and think. His personality and most of his memories were intact. He deserved a lot more time, to fully recover, and for him and I to be able to see each other, bare minimum. To say that I find this monstrously unfair is a severe understatement.
November 15: Wrote a poem for Jeff, in memoriam. I hope he’d have enjoyed it (poem is below).
November 21: Jeff would’ve turned 48 today, had he lived. Instead, his memorial service is called in Fort Collins, Colorado, and I’m unable to go due to financial considerations (I will regret this to the end of my life, and probably afterward).
I start to slowly come to terms with the fact that the best friend I’ve ever had, save only my late husband Michael, is dead. (Jeff was my staunchest supporter as a writer and poet who gave well-thought out, helpful criticism.) I find out that Jeff was writing a novel, which he’d never shown me (though he had shown me six in-progress short stories, various pieces of non-fiction, and other writing, all of it excellent), at the time of his passing. Now, none of his writing will ever be completed.
I reflect upon Jeff’s compassion, which was probably his strongest and best quality besides his high intelligence and creativity. I reflect upon the fact that six years ago, I had no idea our friendship would grow to the point that he was my acknowledged best friend . . . who knows where it would’ve gone, had he lived? (Now, I will never know, and that’s a sadness I can’t even begin to express, were I to write from now until the end of time.) I’m grateful for the time I had with him, but I really wish there had been more of it because if anyone deserved more, it was Jeff.
I wonder, again, what the point is, when I can’t even get to see my best friend before he dies, then can’t get to his funeral, either, when I dearly wanted to do both things. (Financial considerations be damned.)
Other stuff:
November 15: Recall petitions to oust Gov. Scott Walker, Lt. Gov. Kleefisch, and Racine’s state Senator Van Wanggaard (all Rs) are filed. I’d been looking forward to this for months, but due to Jeff’s death, it barely registers. Did sign the recall forms and get a few signatures, as Jeff was very strongly in favor of all of these people being recalled (we talked of this on November 11, and he’s the one who brought it up — as I said, his mind was intact and it was sharp); I tell myself that he’d be happy I was doing something I’d looked forward to, and try to be content with that even though I know I’ll never hear his voice again.
Ryan Braun wins NL Most Valuable Player award. Prince Fielder departs in free agency (is currently unsigned).
Vinny Rottino signs a minor league free-agent contract with the New York Mets; he will be invited to Spring Training.
December 2011:
December 13: Play first concert in thirteen years as a member of the University of Wisconsin-Parkside Community Band; I play a lengthy, extended solo in Valerie Coleman’s composition, “Roma.” My sister is in the audience, and says I haven’t lost a thing. (I like to think that both Michael and Jeff were listening, too, from wherever they are in the positive afterlife. I hope they were pleased.)
mid-December: Ryan Braun accused of taking performance-enhancing drugs; he appeals this decision and proclaims his innocence. (For the record, I believe him.)
December 17: North Korean leader Kim Jong-Il dies.
Just before Christmas: Federal government plunges into yet another crisis when House of Representatives initially refuses to extend the payroll tax cut. Speaker Boehner adamantly defends his party, which includes many hard-right Rs self-identifying as “Tea Party” members, but is eventually talked around due to public statements made by Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY), former George W. Bush advisor Karl Rove, and a strongly-worded Wall Street Journal editorial advising him to just give in already. Congress adjourns and goes home for the holidays.
Winter holidays commence; once again, I wonder what the point is. The present I’d bought for my friend Jeff gathers dust as I can’t bear to put it away, nor can I part with it; the musical composition I’m working on to commemorate Jeff’s life and death is, at best, half-finished at 64 bars. I’m told by a couple of poets I respect that my poem for Jeff won’t stand alone, thus has no chance of independent publication — which is why it’s here, so you all can read it and think about it, instead.
Note that this is a very formal way of writing, which is quite different from my usual, free-form style. I wanted to impose some sort of structure on my shock, which is why I came up with this particular poem. And while I believe this is among the most important pieces of writing I’ve ever created, it’s something I profoundly wish I’d not have had to do — much less this soon.
Here goes . . . but before I forget, Happy New Year, everyone.
*********** POETRY SEPARATOR ***********
“A Poem for Jeff Wilson — in Memoriam”
by Barb Caffrey
One who seeks is
one who asks
the questions that
no one else dares.
One who seeks is
one who finds
the answers, which are
unknowable.
One who waits is
one who looks
for love, creeping
in unawares . . . .
One who waits is
one who hopes
for light, which breaks
the dark forever.
One who waits is
one who seeks
out answers, or
merely himself.
——– written November 15, 2011
Music, Remembrance, and Observations
Folks, this is a difficult blog to write, mostly because I’ve been struggling with my grief process over the loss of my good friend, Jeff Wilson, all week long. (Well, really since he died, but this week it hit hard and fast, and just hasn’t really let up for very long.) Couple that with the holidays, and with missing my late husband Michael something fierce, well . . . let’s just say that I haven’t really had an enjoyable few weeks and save steps, shall we? (The sinus infection I’ve been dealing with hasn’t helped, either.)
What keeps me going despite these difficult and frustrating times? My music, that’s what. Music has a profound resonance for me, partly because I’ve spent most of my life studying it, and partly because I think better in music than words. (Strange, but true.)
Next Tuesday, I’ll play the first concert since making a bit of a comeback as a musician out at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside in Kenosha. The UW-Parkside Wind Ensemble and Community Band will perform, both singly and together; as first chair alto saxophone in the Community Band, I will be playing an extended solo in a piece called “Roma.” I’m looking forward to the concert, and I hope those of my friends and family who attend will enjoy it.
That being said, it feels very strange to me to be playing a concert at this time. I’m not one hundred percent right, not physically (even without the sinus infection, my hands continue to give me fits due to my carpal tunnel syndrome), and certainly not emotionally due to the recent loss of my friend Jeff. But that’s not any sort of excuse to keep me from doing whatever I can; I refuse to sit on the sidelines just because I am not in the musical shape I’d rather be in, or the physical shape, either.
The last time I played a concert, it was before I had met my late husband Michael — while Michael heard me practice many times, he never got a chance to hear me play in a concert, something I will always regret. Now, Jeff is also gone; while he was there encouraging me through both rounds of occupational therapy in the last year, which helped me regain enough of my abilities to again be able to play my saxophone (and play reasonably well), he is no longer able to hear me tell him how things are going, much less get a chance to hear a recording of the concert itself. (With his health issues the last five weeks of his life, that would’ve been the only way for him to hear me play unless I’d been able to get out there and play for him in person. Which of course I also wanted to do.)
So the two people who were the most important to me in this life are gone. I can’t do anything about that, other than wish with all my heart and soul that they were still here . . . and that’s not enough. (I’m sorry. I wish it was, but it really isn’t.)
What I’m going to try to do, therefore, is play and hope that wherever they are, they’ll hear it and know I’m doing everything in my power to regain my musical abilities. That meant a lot to them, and I’m sure that wherever they are now, it still does — so for the moment, all I can do is save up my experiences and hope that down the line, I’ll again be able to share with them how I felt about what I was doing in some sort of meaningful way (even if it has to be in the positive afterlife, not here).
Music, ’tis said, is a great healer. All I know is, it helps me to be able to play right now, even though nothing is going to be able to take this pain away because I miss my husband. I miss my good friend. And I wish very much that they were still with me in this life, because I really would’ve liked to see their faces after I finished, triumphantly, playing my solo in “Roma.”
Barb Caffrey's Blog 