I had to start this post by thanking everyone who lives to help others. Isn’t that what this world is about? Every day we have an opportunity to impact another person’s life. Take a moment to look at the pictures above. Each person is impacting another life. We can choose any profession we want, so why not choose something you are passionate about? Passionate people in their professions impact thousands (and maybe even more) people.
More Professions to be Thanked, via Collaboration with a Purpose
Folks, my Collaboration with a Purpose buddies came up with some great blogs this time, and I wanted to make sure you knew about them. (My blog, of course, thanked teachers, but there are all sorts of other professions to thank…) So, without further ado, here’s a bit about each blog, and why I found it interesting!
Addison D’Marko’s blog post thanks neuro-science, and she has a great reason why. When she was in sixth grade, she read a book about the brain that so impressed her, to the point that when she became paralyzed years later, she remembered it in her hour of need. (That book was The Brain That Changes Itself, by the way.)
Nicolle K. at her blog Stories of Ahsi thanks unsung heroes, and her reasoning behind that is fascinating. She says unsung heroes are the most interesting of all, and she has very good reasoning as to why this is the case. And she has a great demonstration from a story she read years ago, too… (In short, go read this blog immediately! You’ll thank yourself afterward.)
And Nicolle, you didn’t need to thank your fellow bloggers, but bless you for doing so. (Embarrassed blush.) Moving on…
The amazing and talented Tajwar Fatma wrote a post thanking doctors, which again makes wonderful sense as she’s currently studying to become a doctor. (And she’s nearly done, too, yay!) Read all about why she loves becoming a doctor, and why she’s very thankful for doctors overall.
But it’s almost insane that she had to point out that attacking doctors on call is a crime. (Apparently that has happened in her neck of the woods, and that is horrible. Leave those doctors alone.)
The always-inspiring Ipuna Black has a post thanking police officers, and her reasoning is quite intriguing. She points out that police officers have a tough job, and it’s just gotten worse since the horrible shooting in Las Vegas. And yet, without them, what kind of lives would most people have?
She also has a great paragraph that I’m going to quote in its entirety:
Absolutely. Right on, Ipuna!
The inspiring Jane Love wrote about the need to be thankful for parents. She also discusses thankfulness, specifically from a Christian perspective. There’s a lot of good to be found here, and I hope my readers who are not specifically Christian in their beliefs will be able to see the good in Jane’s post and apply whatever they can to their own lives.
And writer and teacher Sadaf Siddiqi’s take on the subject is quite intriguing; she talks about thankfulness, and the need to thank people regardless of their professions. She discusses a few specific professions, mind, including her own of teacher…but her main impetus is that we need to be thankful for everyone who does a meaningful job.
(I completely agree with her.)
Jothish Joseph also has a take on thanking all professions that I enjoyed quite a bit. (Jothish is a fun-loving, kind-hearted, good guy. I always enjoy reading his posts.) And to my mind, Jothish is right when he discusses how the people who clean up behind us need to be much better-respected overall. He first discusses how many others of his acquaintance do not understand this very important tenet (that all deserve respect, and that no one should look down on anyone), and then discusses this story:
One day I visited the Dhobi to give my laundry. As always there was a fairly long line. I stood in the queue and waited for my chance. The person just ahead of me rudely handed over his clothes and seemed to be very annoying. As a result the lady collecting the laundry was annoyed and visible change in her mood was seen. That’s when my turn came. I gave my laundry and said a thank you when I was done. I got a smile in return.
Since that day every time that I go there, I am greeted with a smile and sometimes also enquired about how I’ve been!
I loved this story.
Divyang Shah also thanks all professions, and discusses three in particular. The one I found the most intriguing is about software engineers; Divyang is one, so he knows exactly what they do, and how much of what we need for daily living depends on them.
Well done, Divyang!
Mylene Orillo’s post is wonderful, too. She thanks soldiers, along with military spouses and families, and has excellent reasons as to why:
Some of you don’t know that soldiery is one of the closest professions in my heart as I was once a military cadet and a frustrated Army soldier. Yes, I would have joined the Army ‘coz I’m not a good swimmer if I join the Navy and I’m also afraid of heights if I join the Air Force. I was an incoming senior in college when I entered a military school in 2001 and trained there for two years.
…
Since I also worked for the Philippine Army as a civilian employee for eight years, I knew (although I didn’t experience it first-hand) what’s it’s like to be in the service from the stories of my office-mates, bosses, and closest friends and their families.
That’s why I have high respects for people who are in the military or uniformed service in general because I know their sacrifices and I know how they are living their lives away from their families. So whenever I hear stories about soldiers, especially my classmates, upperclassmen, or underclassmen who were wounded or dead in battle, it never fails to break me into pieces and make me really emotional.
Mylene’s right about soldiers, their families, and most especially their spouses. (This former military wife thanks you for remembering us, Mylene! Almost no one does.)
Finally, the incredible Sonyo Estavillo wrote a post specifically thanking those in Las Vegas who responded to the horrific shooting, most especially the police officers. Sonyo points out that she used to live in Las Vegas, and that this shooting was absolutely horrific for many, many reasons; that the shooter had no record is one of those, but that he did something like this at an event that’s generally considered to be family-friendly is even worse. She has some country music fans in her family who still live in the area, and she’s grateful they weren’t there…but as she knows that “there but for the grace of God” goes her family, she felt the need to write a post thanking the policemen (and other first responders).
I completely agree with her reasoning, and I hope people will read this post and think, profoundly, about how much police officers do every day that is never celebrated, nor even noted; we normally only think about the “bad apples,” not the others, and that gives most of us a distorted view of the profession at hand. (No wonder no one thinks about thanking police officers, when all we ever hear is bad…and yet, the vast majority of police officers are good, kind, and decent people who do a very difficult job so others can live in safety and peace.)
Anyway, all the various posts were great, in their respective ways, and I truly hope you will check them out forthwith. (You’ll enjoy them. And they may make you think, too…which is a win/win, in my book.)
Thank a Teacher Today, via Collaboration with a Purpose
Folks, this is the latest in a series of blogs done under the aegis of Collaboration with a Purpose. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
Today, I want to thank teachers. All of them, in all of their various permutations.
Why? Well, without people willing to teach, we’d not be able to learn…and without people putting themselves out there selflessly, maybe no one would learn anything at all.
Some of you have to be saying, “Barb, why are you saying this so strongly? What’s the point? Yeah, teachers are great and all, but why glorify them above other professions?”
(Which, by the way, is the point of this whole post. The Collaboration with a Purpose topic this time, as you see from the lovely picture Nicolle K. put together, was “Thank a profession.” But I digress.)
I know that one of the reasons I have the thirst for knowledge and learning is because of how I was taught, from the time I was very young, by many people in my life. Not just my elementary and secondary school teachers, but by my parents, my grandparents, my Aunt Laurice (who taught me a few chords on the piano when I asked, though I promptly forgot them when I went away from her and the piano)…without my mother and grandmother teaching me to read, spell, and do simple sums, I would’ve been at a grave disadvantage when I turned up in kindergarten.
And then, along the way, I discovered more about music. My first music teacher helped me learn how to play the oboe, and then there was a huge teacher’s strike that lasted months.
But by that time, I was hooked. I played for my grandmother, who watched me and my sibs as we waited out the teacher’s strike. I played for my parents, when they came home from work. And I worked my way through three different books, learning more notes and fingerings and songs, to the point I nearly made my teacher cry — with happiness, mind — when we finally resumed school.
And I was sent to a private teacher, who taught me more…and another teacher, who taught me even more…
You get my drift, yes?
Anyway, without teachers, especially in childhood when our minds are malleable, it would be much harder to get into a habit of lifelong learning. And that is vitally important, especially in this day and age when technology seemingly changes on a dime and there are constant and inevitable changes to deal with, just different ones at different times.
And I also want to thank the librarians, teachers in their own right, who helped point me in the right direction after I realized I wanted to learn even more after school was over.
Without all of them, I think I would’ve turned out to be a much different, and far lesser, person.
So, thank you, teachers! Thanks for the help, and the guidance, and the learning, and for passing it along.
And bless you for all you do.
Beat the Heat and Stand for Something
Folks, you may be wondering why on Earth I decided to combine these two topics. It’s mostly because it was 95 F with high humidity (and far from the world’s best air quality) where I live in Southeastern Wisconsin; originally I was going to talk only about standing for something, but it being so hot made me combine them.
So, hopefully my brain hasn’t melted, and this will make sense. Enjoy!
There’s so much negativity in this world right now. And the only way I know to try to fight against any of it is to find something to believe in, and take a stand.
What do I stand for? (I’m going to try to stay out of politics for the moment, as it’s so hot…) Literacy, for one. And education. And thinking for yourself, and making up your own mind after using reason, logic, or at least some sort of step-by-step rationale for making your decisions, rather than following the whims of whatever “in-crowd” seems to be dominating the airwaves this week.
This is important. You need to think for yourself. And stand for something, as well as stand against stuff that makes no sense to you.
Such as narcissistic contemporary behavior. And I am not alone in that.
Tonight, while watching television, I saw highly respected journalist and writer Gay Talese, speaking with MSNBC’s Ari Melber. Talese said that in his opinion, our culture is incredibly narcissistic. He pointed out that even when he goes to a baseball game, more people are watching their phones than watching the game — and he truly does not understand that.
(Neither do I, as a baseball fan. That just never has made any sense to me. Watch the game if you’re there, dammit. Or stay home and follow your phone…unless someone in your family has a health emergency, turn the damned thing off.)
Talese was speaking broadly, as well as specifically (as he was talking politics; someday, maybe soon, I’ll talk about that, too, but not today). But his point is well-founded. We are too narcissistic now, in the Western World in particular; we are not thinking about tomorrow so much as immediate self-gratification.
How do we combat all this? We need to stop undue navel-gazing. And instead, take a stand. Find something you like to do that will actually help someone else. And stop focusing on your own problems to the detriment of everyone else.
(I know, I know; I am at fault as much as anyone reading. But I’m telling myself to do this, too, as I really don’t want to be hypocritical. Trust me. Now, back to the regularly scheduled post, already in progress…)
Some ideas of how to help:
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen or food pantry
- Volunteer with dog, cat, parakeet, or other animal shelters, and make sure those animals are well cared for until they find their “forever homes”
- Send money to Florida, Puerto Rico, Houston, the Virgin Islands, or any other place that’s been devastated by Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, or Maria
Those are just three ideas, but I hope that gives you some food for thought.
We’re only here for a short time. We have to help others while we’re here, or at least make a good attempt to do so; otherwise, why were we put on this Earth with millions upon millions of other souls rather than in our own hermetically sealed bubble, alone in our “perfection,” alone with our thoughts…and no doubt bored silly by same?
As the heat beats down, and the humidity makes the heat even worse, do your best to keep yourself focused on people other than yourself. That’s the best way to honor the better angels of your nature, and it’s the best blow against self-defeating narcissism I know.
P.S. It’s not that you shouldn’t care about what happens to you, mind…it’s that you also should care about what happens to others.
How do you help others? And what do you think of this post? Let me know in the comments!
Blogging and Life
Some days, it’s easier to write than others. But lately, writing has been like pulling teeth.
Why am I starting out with this? Simple. I haven’t blogged much in a few weeks, and I’ve had questions as to why. Long-time readers probably know the answer, but I’m willing to give it again…it’s the time of year that’s getting me down.
Around this time thirteen years ago, my husband Michael was alive. Writing. Reading and editing my writing. Making me laugh. Letting me make him laugh. Cooking. Walking the neighborhood. Complaining about politics, and listening to my complaints about politics, too.
In short, living his life. And enjoying it, and our marriage, immensely.
Then came that awful day, the day that changed everything. The day he had four heart attacks without warning, which he couldn’t survive.
The day I became a (way too young) widow.
I can’t pretend that I like this time of year. And I won’t.
What I will say, as I said in last week’s blog about changing perspectives, is that I’m trying to look at it a different way. At long last, I am trying to see my husband’s life right now, rather than see the “period at the end of the sentence,” otherwise known as his death.
Yeah, at other times of the year, I see Michael’s life quite well. And it comforts me. It gives me hope, because I was fully understood and appreciated and admired, all for being myself. And boy, oh boy, was I loved…
(Embarrassed grin.)
Anyway. The fact of the matter is, I just hurt at this time of year. And because I hurt, my creativity is slowed. I find it hard to play my instruments, hard to write fiction, a little more difficult to edit (depending on the project), and just, in general, find life to be more of a drag.
That this year is going to be more like 2004 than not — in that it’ll be too hot, and too humid, for late September — is not helping.
Still, if I think about my husband’s life, and about how much he loved me, it helps. A lot.
I know Michael would like it if I could find more joy, more happiness, or at least more peace. And God/dess, am I trying.
As to why I’m blogging about something so personal?
Well, there may be some widow out there hurting just as much as I am. Maybe she’s wondering what the point is. Or wondering how on Earth she can keep going, keep striving, keep working toward a future she can no longer see, when the love of her life is dead.
I think there is a reason, but I don’t have a way to articulate it very well.
The best I can say is that because I was loved so well, I want to do right. I want to help others, in whatever way I can, and I want to keep going. Because that’s what my husband would want.
And I’m trying, so hard, to find a way to want it, too. Despite the time of year.
Because if I can keep trying, maybe I might eventually find love again. (Hey, it could happen. That I even want it to happen, after thirteen years, is miraculous enough. And no, you may not say “it’s about time.”)
I kind of think Michael would like that.
Out Now–The Zero Curse
This is Chris’s newest novel. I edited this book and know it’s an outstanding YA adventure, second in a series (the first is the excellent THE ZERO BLESSING). Go read his blog, check out the free sample, and grab the book!
Changing Perspectives
Folks, sometimes you just have to change your perspective.
Whether it’s your book, your life, or something specific, changing how you look at it can make a huge difference.
I realized this earlier this week. A wise person told me, in reference to my “sadiversary” (the anniversary of my late husband Michael’s death, coming next week), that I need to look at it differently. And what he said was so interesting, I thought I’d pass it along, to see if it might help you, too.
My wise friend said, “You’re a storyteller. Is the period at the end of the sentence the important thing? Or is it everything else?”
Of course I said it was everything else.
“And at the very end of a novel, is the last period the most important thing? Or is the overall story, the journey of it all, the most important thing instead?”
Again, I said that the story/journey was what was most important.
“So, Barb, why are you so worried about that final period at the end of Michael’s story?” (Michael, of course, being my late husband.) “That’s just the smallest part of it all. He, himself, would not want you to be obsessing over that period, would he?”
No, he wouldn’t. And I admitted that.
Ever since that important conversation, I’ve been thinking about how important changing my perspective in this way actually is. And it makes sense.
So, if you’re having trouble looking at a problem, maybe you can try looking at it a new way. And seeing it a different way may give you a path forward, or at least something else to think about.
If you take away only one thought from today’s blog, please remember this: Your story is a journey. (In other words, a work in progress.) And if you get hung up on one, small part of that, it’s going to mess you up.
When something like that happens, do yourself a favor and try to look at it a different way. (Maybe you’ll need help to do this. If so, I sympathize. I certainly had never seen this before my wise friend said something, but it does make sense.) It may give you perspective…
But more important even than that? It may give you peace, too.
Self-Belief and Writing
Folks, with the recent posts about self-acceptance, I figured I’d follow it up with how self-belief and writing mix — or don’t.
In my own experience, when I am more confident in myself, and I know that what I’m saying makes sense, I am more likely to make sense in writing than when I am more insecure.
And yet, insecurity is part of what drives a creative person. I can’t deny that. (No creative person can, really, not if he or she is smart.)
The trick is to balance the two. Be just insecure enough to want to write, to need to write (or play music, or compose music, or, I suppose, paint, draw, act, or any other creative pursuit), but be confident enough in what you can do — your belief in yourself, as it were — that you can actually sit down and do it. Without fear. Or at least without the fear stopping you cold.
I’m not sure how that all works, mind. In my head, right now, I’m picturing a space station for a YA milSF story I’m working on. And as I tend to think two-dimensionally, this is a real problem. My main character, a young girl and a military prodigy, would not be thinking in 2D.
How do I get to where I need to be, so I can describe the space station I hazily see, and make the readers believe in it?
Or, here’s another conundrum I’m working on right now.
I’m writing a novel in a friend’s universe. (No, I won’t tell you which one. I won’t unless/until I pull it off. I do have permission from my friend to give it a try and an interested publisher if I can pull it off.) I know I don’t write like my friend. But I’m going to talk about characters that interested me, that my friend could not work on, as his main character needs to be doing something else.
If I think too much about how I don’t write like my friend, or that his readers won’t like what I’m doing because I’m not my friend, well, that will stop me cold.
But just a little insecurity, in that I want to find out what’s going on, and can refer back to what my friend’s written so I can use that as best I can to ground my writing…d’you see? (Or am I thinking too two-dimensionally again?)
Finally, I have a story going in my Elfyverse that’s taking a long time to gestate. I have two new characters who will be interacting with my known characters Bruno, Sarah, Lady Keisha, and more…and I like these characters. But it’s hard sometimes to figure out how to get those new characters into the mix without making them seem lesser than the two titanic mains, Bruno and Sarah, especially as this new story isn’t about Bruno and Sarah. (Instead, it’s about new love, unlooked for, with more mature folks.)
So, should I think about how people won’t like the story, because it’s not about Bruno and Sarah, and they’re at best peripheral characters? Or should I think about how there’s room for more characters at the Elfyverse inn?
And just a little insecurity may be useful. But a whole lot of it just stops me cold, and makes me trot out the “Fear is the mindkiller” speech from DUNE.
As I said, you have to have enough belief in yourself (self-belief, natch) to keep going, even when you don’t see an end-point. (Yet.) But you also have to work with your insecurity, and keep it at bay enough while using it at the same time to inform your work and make it thrive the way it was supposed to do all along.
(If this is still clear as mud, my apologies.)
What do the rest of you do, when you’re trying to create something? How do you strike that balance? (Tell me about it in the comments!)
The Quest for Self-Acceptance, Part 2…
Folks, I wrote about how damned hard I find the quest for self-acceptance to be a few days ago. But yesterday, I had a very odd experience that I’d like to share with you…and then, I’m going to give you the links to all the other wonderful bloggers who were part of the Collaboration for a Purpose — Self-Love/Acceptance blogging circle. (Yeah, I should’ve done this earlier, but I hope you’ll see why it took me a bit of doing this time.)
I’d like to set the scene a little bit, if I may.
I was in my car, and it was quite early (for me, at least). I hadn’t had anything to eat yet, and I’d just dropped a family member off for an important appointment. She’d asked me if I could go shopping for her while she was at this appointment, and of course I said yes.
Anyway, I pulled into a parking spot. (No biggie, right? We do this all the time, we with cars.) And another car parked very, very close next to me, so close that I knew if I got out, my door would almost certainly bump the other car a little no matter how hard I tried. (This is partly because I walk with a cane, and I don’t know about you, but I can’t get out of the car easily with that cane nine times out of ten.) And this is exactly what happened, but my car door did not leave a mark of any sort as far as I could tell.
Most people, of course, are forgiving. But I happened to run into the one person in all of Southeastern Wisconsin who just wasn’t…and she was very belligerent and rude.
This woman (a passenger sitting in the car; the driver had already gone into the store) would not let me walk away, would not leave me be, and I just had it…and I ended up having a panic attack, right there in the parking lot.
I am not proud of this.
Yeah, this other woman was horrid. There’s no question about it. But I could not love this person, and I could not love myself either as I couldn’t figure out how to de-escalate the situation other than walking away, which I eventually did. (The woman continued her verbal abuse all the way into the store, mind.)
What I can tell you is that this story has a happy ending of sorts. I found the driver of the car, and she told me it was fine. She even gave me a hug, and she told the passenger (from what I could tell, as I stayed inside the store to keep away from that older woman) to get back in the car and stop it. (Bless her for that, too.)
I know we all have days like this, where Murphy’s Law rules the day and nothing at all seems to go right. But all we can do is try to get past it, and in my case, the way I did this was to talk to a couple of my best friends. They helped me put this into perspective. And they gave me hope that my horrible, no good, very bad day didn’t mean I was a horrible person.
It does make me wonder, though, about context. And about some of the stuff I’ve seen over the years that weren’t good things to do, but perhaps actually would’ve been comprehensible in context…such as parents yelling at their kids in public (something no parent ever wants to do, but sometimes does anyway). It makes me wonder what happened before that point that made it all escalate to the point of yelling.
And if any of these other people actually were having panic episodes, rather than just being downright rude…
Anyway, that’s today’s follow-up regarding the quest for self-acceptance. I will keep working on it, and remind myself that (as a good friend put it), “Your blooper reel is not a fair comparison to someone else’s glamour shot.”
Now, please go see these other lovely people’s blogs, as they’re all worthwhile and interesting in their own right:
Camilla Motte at Moms on the Go
Nicolle K. (Nicolle also created the picture for this round’s Collaboration with a Purpose that you see above, and I think she did a fantabulous job)
Tajwar Fatma (she who started this whole shebang)
Joel A. Scott (he’s new this time around, so make sure to give him a warm welcome!)
Why Is Self-Acceptance So Damned Hard?
Folks, this blog is part of Collaboration with a Purpose. This time around, we have fourteen bloggers talking about the difficulties with self-love and acceptance. And as I have a really difficult time talking about that l-word when it comes to the self, I’m going to use the term “self-acceptance” for all of it.
Why is accepting yourself as you are so damned hard?
Think about it. If someone you know is having a hard time, don’t you reach out and say, “Hey. I care. I am here for you. It doesn’t matter how you screwed up. It doesn’t matter at all. I care, I’m here, and I want to help.”
But you don’t do that for yourself. (At least, most of us don’t.) Instead, we beat ourselves up for our mistakes. Because we’re supposed to be perfect, even though it’s OK if everyone else isn’t.
So why is it that we have such a hard time with self-acceptance, anyway? Why can’t we be as kind to ourselves as we are to others in similar situations?
I don’t know. I’ve pondered this for a long time, actually, but despite that, I still have no answers.
Maybe we’re supposed to struggle with this. Maybe we’re supposed to learn, no matter how slowly, how to see ourselves as others do. Or at least how to learn to forgive ourselves for things we’d forgive anyone else…to appreciate our own humanity, even though that means we will make mistakes, and plenty of them.
And sometimes repeat them, even though we’re working on not doing so, because that’s part of being human, too.
It’s hard to unlearn old habits. And it’s really hard to pick up new ones even after you’ve unlearned the old.
Maybe being upset with ourselves is like that. (Hear me out, OK?) It’s like an old, bad habit. We do something that we get upset with, and we chastise ourselves, all because we’ve criticized ourselves this way since we were small. And we don’t know any better way; maybe we don’t even realize there might be a better way.
But accepting yourself, warts and all, is not easy. It sometimes seems easier to accept your worst enemy than your own self, because you believe you should always be at your best, no excuses, no quarter. Even though anyone else — including your worst enemy — you’d agree with the caveat that everyone has their down times, and that we have to accept them. (That is, if you’re feeling like being kind. And I do hope you are, at least for the purposes of this exercise.)
It’s not easy to say, “All right. I’m still a valuable human being, no matter how many mistakes I’ve made, and no matter how often I’ve made them. I deserve to treat myself with kindness and respect, just like I’d treat anyone else,” because we’re not taught how to do that. We’re taught instead that if we think too much about ourselves, we run the risk of being narcissistic.
Or at least self-absorbed. And no one wants that.
All you can do, every day, is tell yourself that it’s all right to forgive yourself, the same way you’d forgive anyone else for the same thing.
And if it’s too hard to tell yourself, “I care, I’m not going to stop caring, and I am not going to hate you forever for screwing up big-time,” well, at least tell yourself that tomorrow is another day. And you can and will make it better, so stop beating yourself up already.
Self-acceptance is damned hard to achieve, no lie. But it is possible. And you should keep working on it, and figure out a strategy that works for you, so you can put your energy to its best use creating things of wonder and beauty — or at least not waste it beating yourself up.
Barb Caffrey's Blog 
