Barb Caffrey's Blog

Writing the Elfyverse . . . and beyond

Posts Tagged ‘suffering

Sunday Musings: As Tornados Ravage the Midwest and South, Remind Yourself of What Matters

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Folks, as I continue to heal from a perplexing illness (I’ll get to that in a while), I wanted to discuss the tornados that have ravaged the Midwest and South, among other places, this past week.

There were four confirmed tornado touchdowns in Wisconsin earlier this week, all on the same day. We were fortunate that no one was confirmed dead. People lost power, and some homes were damaged along with some barns. These are not good things, but they’re not as bad as what could’ve happened.

The reason I say that is, over the last few days, twenty-five people died in several states — including Kentucky — due to tornadic activity. There may well be more people dead than twenty-five; that’s what they know so far.

More tornados are on the way, too, especially in Nebraska, Colorado, and Kansas, among other states. These are traditionally states that get hit exceptionally hard by tornados.

But now we get to the awful part. (As if tornados aren’t bad enough.) There are folks online who have said because the people who’ve died were in “red states” (meaning Republican dominated states), that just “thins the herd.” I’ve also seen some folks who’ve said that the current presidential administration is not likely to help any of the states badly affected, because so far they’ve not helped Arkansas (deeply red), North Carolina (purple — basically a toss-up state like my own Wisconsin), or other places that have been ravaged by natural disasters already this year. FEMA (the federal emergency management agency) has been largely defunded, for whatever reason, and many people are already struggling.

Tornado touchdowns, tornado damage, and tornadic activity that threatens lives as well as livelihoods is going to just make things worse.

I have words for those who believe it’s OK for people to suffer. None of them are polite.

I lived in Nebraska and Colorado, and I know tornados can be terrible there. I used to see greenish-black skies there at certain times of year, and was always aware of the lowest point of any place I was at — school, work, apartment, whatever — to wait out any terrible storms. I certainly did not care whether the people I was with were Democrats, Republicans, Independents, or Martians. All I cared about was making sure people survived to live another day.

The farmers in these states (especially Nebraska and Missouri) will need help. If the current administration refuses to help them — and they probably won’t — that just screws over their own voters. It seems particularly ruinous, politically, to do such a thing, as well as being morally wrong.

Those who’ve already died were human beings and deserve dignity and respect. We owe it to ourselves to do whatever we can to help those in need, especially if the current administration refuses to do so. We cannot allow ourselves to become so inured as to say, “Who cares about them?”

That’s a horrible way to view life, and it’s one I’m not going to ever partake in. We must be better than that.

Now, as to the perplexing illness? Part of it is a wicked sinus and ear infection, which is not perplexing at all as I get them reasonably often. But the other part…well, it’s just odd.

I have been getting rashes on my back with blisters. The blisters were cultured and sent off to a pathology lab as the dermatologist had no idea what was going on. I was told this is a disease that happens if you’ve been around sheep or goats and have touched an open wound — and none of that is true in my case, as I haven’t been near a petting zoo in over twenty years.

I’d hoped this was resolving, but I discovered another blister last night. I won’t pop it — I know better — but will let the dermatology people know in case they can do anything other than what I’m already doing. (Basically — keep it clean. Use antibiotic ointment if the blister pops on its own. Use a medicated ointment to reduce the itching. Take a pill at night that allows for sleep because it greatly lessens the itching while having a soporific effect allowing sleep to occur.)

Of course, as the sinus infection and ear pain/issues happens to be particularly bad, I am on steroids as well as antibiotics and will be for another five days. These two things tend to offset, making me feel like I’m in some sort of complex ping-pong game. While both things seem to be healing (the rash itself is much better, though that new blister bugs me; the sinuses are clearing, and I can think much better, even though I do poorly on steroids as my body does not like them), I’m greatly weakened by them both happening at the same time.

I keep thinking that life should not be this difficult.

I’ve tried to keep several popular hard rock songs at the top of my mind. The first is Disturbed’s newest song, “I Will Not Break.” (Seems self-explanatory, yes?) The second, again, is Poppy’s “New Way Out,” which I’ve discussed before. (Poppy’s lyrics speak of frustration, of looking for a new way out and not finding one but refusing to stop trying. “Are you going to get up, or are they going to keep you down?” is one, followed by “Get up.”) The third is Nothing More’s “Here’s to the Heartache,” which may or may not be understandable…it’s a beautiful song that points out everything you do, everything you are, has led you to the place you’re in (and the people who are in your life). It’s specifically about romance, and it of course reminds me of Michael when I hear the lyric that says “…and that’s what it took to lead me to you. So here’s to the heartache…here’s to the mistakes…” There’s more, and I suggest you listen to it yourself as it is a truly beautiful and memorable song that’s musically far more than the sum of its parts.

Both Disturbed and Nothing More are comprised of intelligent people with exceptional musicianship and knowledge. Disturbed’s lead singer David Draiman has a versatile voice that could probably sing opera if he wanted (he is a baritone, but can sing some higher parts with excellent vocal quality also). Nothing More’s Jonny Hawkins is a percussionist who turned to singing and his rhythmic skills are prodigious, as are his vocal skills (he’s got a tenor range and can do anything required of him). The musicians in these bands are all excellent. I can’t recommend them highly enough.

As for Poppy, her voice is higher than I usually listen to, but there is a purity to it in quieter moments that makes me think she could do anything she wants with such a voice. Her lyrics are intelligent, and she obviously understands contemporary music as well as anyone out there (and better than most). I don’t know if she plays any instruments herself (I have looked up her Wikipedia article, but it’s light on details that way; it mostly discusses how she was self-developed as an artist on YouTube, starting with being called “ThatPoppy” and later just Poppy), but she obviously understands what she’s about and surrounds herself with quality musicians.

Music reminds me of how there’s more to us, as human beings, than politics, money, creed, lifestyle, gender, sexual expression, or any other way. There are things that unite us. Music is one of the biggest and best things that still does that.

Oh, I should also say that last night I also confused YouTube mightily when I searched for Schubert’s “Unfinished Symphony.” (It knows I will listen to jazz saxophonist Art Pepper on occasion, but I hadn’t listened to any classical music with it ever, mostly because due to my training, I see such things usually as “work.”) I find that particular piece of Schubert’s to be quite hauntingly beautiful, and was in need of some of its healing qualities, too…

Anyway, please do not let the exigencies of the moment stop you from understanding that we humans are worth more than the atrocious comments I discussed above (regarding the tornados). Appeal to your best selves this Sunday, and every day. Do whatever you can to make life better for someone out there.

Don’t become inured to suffering, please. That just wastes your time on this earth, and your time and mine are limited as it is.

In short: care about others, dammit. Help those who need it. Demand better from our government if they refuse to help those who suffer from natural disasters. Insist upon humanity and human rights and dignity.

And listen to the new Pope, dubbed Leo the Fourteenth. He’s an interesting, well-read, well-traveled man who happens to be a Midwestern American, and so far, he reminds me a great deal of Pope Francis in that Leo cares about everyone. (As he should.)

Sunday Mourning

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Folks, we’ve had a couple of tragedies in Wisconsin in recent weeks that have deeply affected me. Because of that, and because it’s Sunday, I wanted to discuss them in the hopes that someone out there has some ideas as to comfort those who remain.

First, a young couple from Racine County, Gina and Emerson Weingart, died at Gina’s workplace, the Sports Page Barr in Elkhorn. They were killed on February 1, 2024, just after midnight. Gina worked for Wisconsin Vision during the day and bartended at night; her husband was a meat manager at a grocery store in Mukwanago. He was there to protect her…and perhaps he did, as he died along with her.

The suspect in the shooting is a fifty-seven-year-old convicted felon. (As is my wont, I am not going to name this man. He’s gotten enough publicity already.) He shouldn’t have had a gun. He did. He shot them to death. And he ran…but was caught.

This individual now has pled not guilty to this crime, but his reasoning is ridiculous. According to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel (behind a paywall so I can’t link to it), this man said he only shot Gina Weingart when she tried to take the gun away from him. He said, again according to the Journal-Sentinel, that he took the money out of the cash register and only then shot Emerson Weingart. He clumsily tried to dispose of the weapon, and went straight home…and the police found him, very quickly.

I realize we’re all presumed innocent until proven guilty. But this man’s explanation of why he killed two young lovers makes no sense.

Mr. and Mrs. Weingart married in June of 2023. It sounds like, to me at least, that they waited until Covid died down so they could celebrate their wedding with their families.

So. They were newlyweds. Deeply in love. Working hard, as people do when they’re able. She had two jobs. He had one that was tough, as being a meat manager is no sinecure. Their whole lives were in front of them.

This suspect, who I remind you all was a convicted felon, snuffed out their lives for no reason at all.

In case anyone out there is thinking, “Well, a good man with a gun could’ve killed that guy,” please spare me. We have too many guns in this country already if a convicted felon can get one and do this, all right? Besides, my heart is sore for these people and their loved ones. They should both be alive today, enjoying themselves, and appreciating their life together. That they’re not is a crime whether this guy gets convicted or not.

If you want to help with final expenses for the Weingarts, there is a GoFundMe set up. They have raised $15K. Now, that probably did cover most of the expenses…but considering how people have donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to people who mostly don’t need it in the past (such as Mary Lou Retton, or even though I approved of it, Damar Hamlin after his near-death experience on the football field), I’d like to see more help for this couple if at all possible.

Now to the second tragedy. There was an awful crash in Clark County (rural Wisconsin) between a semi truck and a bus. Nine people died. One person, a two-year-old child, lived. We don’t know the names of everyone yet, but apparently seven of them were from a small town, Burke’s Garden, in Virginia. They were Amish. There is also a GoFundMe set up for these victims, which makes sense when you consider that the Amish do not in general buy life insurance nor do they have much in the way of health insurance either.

Both of these tragedies have deeply upset me. First, the young couple…my goodness, why did this even happen? Second, the Amish minding their own business on the bus…this particular place in Clark County, apparently, is known for being a deceptive intersection where many accidents happen (this according to a few news reports I’ve seen on television and heard on the radio). The semi was on one road; the bus was on another, it intersected, they hit each other, and all but one person died. (One of the folks that died on the bus was a six-month-old child.) As I said before, a two-year-old lived; his grandparents found a way to get to him (as they are Amish, it sounds like, as well) in order to take care of him as every single last other member of his family along for that trip died.

The Amish certainly believe in the Higher Power, known as male and monotheistic, and believe everything happens for a reason. Yet it seems utterly absurd to believe that a two-year-old was supposed to be left alone after the rest of his immediate family has died. How is that cosmic justice?

Both of the Weingarts believed in God, too. Gina was raised Catholic. Her husband was a member of an evangelical Lutheran church. (Both of them had a joint obituary, seen here.) They were doing the right things in the best of ways, it sounds like; they were considerate people, caring people, and honest people. They were the type of folks who would give you the shirts off their backs if you needed it…and their lives were snuffed out by someone who seems completely unworthy of the sobriquet “human being.”

Too many people forget those who’ve died, who’ve predeceased them, especially when they die by accident (as in the Clark County traffic accident) or have died on the job (as happened to Gina Weingart and her husband, Emerson Weingart). I refuse to be among those who have forgotten, already, the victims of these senseless tragedies.

I don’t know why terrible things happen. I wish I did.

All I do know is that I mourn for them all, but most especially Gina and Emerson Weingart. They should be alive today, and that they aren’t sickens me.

Easter Week Thoughts: Carrying Each Other’s Burdens

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Is it possible for human beings to comprehend that other people have burdens, too?

Sure, we know our own burdens — the problems we carry mile after mile, day after day. They’ve become so much a part of us, it goes without saying…they’re just there, and we keep on shouldering them because we know no other way.

But we don’t always know what burdens the other person is carrying, just as the other person doesn’t know our burdens.

Yes, there’s a way around this problem. You can ask what’s going on. Maybe you can help shoulder the load for a while, if the other person allows it…if the other person lets you reach inside, so you can see them in the same way you see yourself.

Because it’s Easter Week, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I know all sorts of people, and every one of them has problems. Some are more profound than others; some are of more immediate concern than others, too. But every single last one of us has problems.

Buddha recognized that, in his time. So did Jesus Christ. So did other notable religious figures…it’s one of those universal truths that everyone respects, but no one knows how to solve. (Though Buddha’s dispassionate look at suffering is certainly worth a try, to be sure.)

Is it possible for us to carry each other’s burdens? Can pain be halved, if someone else knows of it and cares about you and wants to relieve your burden(s)?

I hope so. I believe so. But I don’t know for certain.

What I do know, for certain, is that if you don’t talk about what’s bothering you — or worse, you can’t talk about what’s bothering you — for most of us, that pressure builds and builds like heating food inside a pressure cooker. Eventually, as in the pressure cooker, that heat is going to escape…and it might escape in all directions.

That’s why discussing your problems, discussing your pain, discussing your burdens, can give comfort and peace even if there’s no ready solution for any of them.

Try not to be upset if you need to unburden yourself. Why?

Two examples:

  • Mother Teresa talked of how depression could overcome her, in her diaries. (In her case, she was definitely unburdening herself to the Higher Power.) She gained comfort and clarity from this, and was able to go back to her work with the poor of Calcutta with a lighter heart.
  • And Jesus Christ, the night before he was taken to be crucified, seems in retrospect to have wanted his friends to know he was aware of his fate and accepted it. (If that doesn’t show just how much comfort can be gained by discussion, I don’t know what will.)

Maybe this is why unburdening yourself to a friend tends to help, even if your friend cannot solve your problem(s) for you. By doing so, you remind yourself that you’re not alone, and that someone else cares about you and the burdens you carry.

That, to my mind, is an important thing to keep in mind. Especially during Easter Week.

Written by Barb Caffrey

March 22, 2016 at 4:18 am